Place of Mind

Being about three months into this brand new college life of mine, I have become quite familiar with my everyday path to and from school. This path consists of me driving past buildings, roads, schools, and everything in between. I believe that it is safe to say that I have taken this road to school so often that I have over-familiarized myself with everything that I see on my way to school. Yes, over-familiarized. What does that mean you ask? Let me explain.

Driving through the exact same streets everyday for several months makes you notice things in which you would not notice the first or second drive through. In my case, these things are not quite physical, but rather mental.

The initiation of my path as well as everyone else’s path begins with leaving the house. I find this to be significant in my case because since I am the last person to leave my home in the morning, my dog expresses a feeling of sadness as I am heading out of the door.

As I stated before, I feel that I have over-familiarized myself with this sight because when I leave the house, I see that my dog is upset, but never really give it much thought. Looking deeper into this and “un-familiarizing” myself with the image, I begin to feel similarly so the way Barthes felt about an image mentioned in his piece entitled “Camera Lucide.” Barthes states “Next, my phenomenology agreed to compromise with a power, affect; affect was what I didn’t want to reduce; being irreducible; it was thereby what I wanted, what I ought to reduce the Photograph to; but could I retain an effective intentionality, a view of the object which was immediately steeped in desire, repulsion, nostalgia, euphoria?” (21). I see the image of my dog in the same light that Barthes sees his photo because I wish not to make this photograph anything other than a feeling of sadness portrayed by my dog at the time of my depart. Barthes does a great job at expanding upon the idea of changing the sole purpose of an image. Ultimately it is the viewer that holds the power of perception and only they are able to view it a certain way. In my case, I view the beginning of my journey as a disheartening interaction between my dog and I; one that will be noticed everyday now that I have defamiliarized myself from having my dog’s expression go unnoticed.

The next stop of my everyday journey is at the St. Casimir Lithuanian Cemetery. As weird as it is for me to say it, this cemetery does catch my eye every single time I drive by it. I cannot put my finger on why it does but, it just does.

A few years ago, a distant aunt of mine passed away and was buried in a nearby cemetery. I get an odd sensation as if a lasso is thrown at me (not in a weird or creepy way) to look into the cemetery and notice it. An overpowering feeling of sorrow and sympathy takes over me when I am driving past the cemetery; causing me to think of the endless possibilities of the lives that these people lived and the possible causes of their deaths. Also, imagining that on the other side of that green painted fence, is another world. Something so strange and abstract to us living humans but can become something so beautiful once we cross it. I refer to is as strange because death is a very awkward and to some, disturbing subject to touch on. I have been to a funeral before, and there was not much to be said about it. One cannot simply make a funeral enjoyable or lighten the mood. They are often full of sadness and tears by all. The combination gives off a very dull and heavy feeling into one’s chest.

Looking back, none of this crosses my mind when observing the cemetery every day on my way to school. All I get is a subtle and very light feeling of sorrow throughout my head but continue to keep my eyes focused on the road. I must admit that this location, of all locations, is the most strange to me because I do not have the greatest connection to it and therefore have more curiosity towards it.

Following the cemetery, I come across my next familiar location roughly five minutes later. We have all been to a location similar to this in an earlier portion of our lives and can all agree that it is recognized by everyone. Pictured here is a middle school and a high school.

On my daily route to school, I drive past Worth Middle School as well as Stagg High School. Although I did not attend either one of these schools, I can attest what the school experience was like for all grade levels. Having the same mindset that I have when driving past my own prior schools, my attention does not get drawn to anything specific. I simply see it as a regular building that happens to be filled with children and not so much as an important part of one’s life where they make life long friends and discover their true identities. This is what has gotten me so familiarized with these schools as I drive by them daily.

Looking at these photos from a new perspective or with “fresh eyes,” I get a heavy feeling of mixed emotions. It makes me rethink my past experiences through middle school and high school, triggering all of the memories made throughout all of those years. Making new friends, joining clubs, experiencing new things, and overall just having the time of my life. Although thinking of this is a good thing, I do feel bummed out that it is all over. I can say that high school did consist of some of the best years of my life and I would love to relive those years again. This mixed feeling of sadness and joy are also reiterated within Barthes’ piece. “In generative grammar, a transformation is unary if, through it, a single series is generated by the base: such are the passive, negative, interrogative, and emphatic transformations.” (40). Driving past either one of these schools essentially triggers all of these transformations along the way. My natural instinct to compare myself to these children is what I believe to be the reason that I feel so attached to them and both schools overall. Making these schools strange to me was quite the challenge because of how familiarized I was with it. It shaped me to be the person I am today.

The final stop of my daily journey is, well, the destination: Moraine Valley Community College.

Crossing eighty sixth avenue and taking a look at the well designed campus view makes me glad to enter this school every single day. Driving through the winding roads and looking at all of the different buildings brings a sense of satisfaction and gratitude to me because it tells me that I made it. Even though I am not the first in my family to enter college, I have furthered my education more than both of my parents and they have made it quite clear to me that they are very proud of me for doing so. Looking at this campus as I pull in (even though I may not show it) does make me feel like I have succeeded so far in life. To be completely truthful, I do get upset when I hear people patronizing others for attending a community college, however, this school has made me feel that it is much more that that. The up-to-date technology and endless help all around makes me feel as if I attend a high-end university. I believe that it is safe to say that through this roller coaster journey that I embark every day, entering this campus is a great way to end it and make it all worth it.