A Letter to Nex Benedict
Mack Harsell (19)
They/them
The poem attached to The Remembering Garden in honor of Nex Benedict and all others who lose their lives to acts of anti-trans violence.
Dear Nex Benedict,
I’m sorry that the world was not kind to you
that it was screaming at you
and nagging at your clothes
and picking you apart, piece by piece
and then
blink
you left
and your beautiful, wonderful noise followed
how can the world keep moving when yours has stopped?
and there is no more beautiful, wonderful noise
I’m sorry that the world isn’t ready to listen to us
I’m sorry that it threw you out
like a sketch, full of mistakes
I know you liked to draw
you should still be here
doodling instead of doing your homework
the world should have been listening
to your joyous song
and your radiant laughter
but it is hungry for fear
it is eager to find people to blame for its faults
and it swallowed you whole, unforgivingly
your cats will miss you
and wonder where you went
their mournful meows echoing in my mind
the world was not ready
for your beautiful, wonderful noise
but I was
and I will miss you too
Rest in Power,
A non-binary high school kid
The Remembering Garden
Bayard Rustin Center for Social Justice Beloved Community
This art piece was designed and started by Mack Harsell, our Intern Extraordinaire and Queer Youth Organizer. They came up with the plans for the piece and created the stems, but several community members and safe space hosts helped cut out flowers and gave much appreciated input. This piece is designed to serve as a memorial for the lives of the transgender and gender-nonconforming people we have lost due to acts of violence this year. Each flower has a name written on it, and while they are just names, they each come with their own story, their own individual importance. Each person’s gender identity is represented by the color of their flower. As per the significance of the colors of the trans flag, pink for transgender women, blue for transgender men, and white for those who fall somewhere in between or do not feel they have gender. This piece is also meant to serve as a visual representation of the disproportionate effects of violence on transgender women.
Self Made Man Portrait
Mac Allen (25)
He/him
The piece is a drawing of my own trans body moments after exiting the shower. One of the strangest euphoric feelings I get is wrapping a towel around my waist. For some reason, it brings me comfort to walk out of the shower shirtless back to my bedroom.
Your Compliment is My Greatest Insult
Lucas (15)
He/him
This is my experience being closeted. Anytime I say I'm insecure I get hit with the "You such a pretty girl" which ironically makes me more insecure. I wish I could once be called "handsome" instead of "pretty".
America’s Biggest Concern
Lucas (15)
He/him
In a world of inflation, war, shootings, America is more concerned about innocent people who just want to live their lives. We don't want harm, we don't want fights, we just want to live, that's all we ask for.
Freedom of Existence
Magnus Hjaelmar (25)
He/him
This is the second visualization from my WIP novel. The protagonist, a hero named Alex Fenrir, struggles throughout his story to fight back against Gladrious, an ancient alien who represents total fear and terror in a physical manifestation, which relentlessly haunts his nightmares and wake equally. As Alex gains confidence by slowly transforming into his true self, he begins fighting back against Gladrious. The moment he achieves a full Mechtyrian form, Alex becomes so invigorated that he finds the strength to kill Gladrious once and for all to liberate himself, and all reality, from the heart of fear. This is a representation of the freedom and confidence I felt once I transitioned and fully established my existence as a man. Additionally, it represents the will I gained to fight against my PTSD and move be.
The Liberation of Becoming
Magnus Hjaelmar (25)
He/him
This is a visualization for my WIP novel about Alex Fenrir, a trans human man who undergoes a journey of self-recognition, overcoming his fears of actualizing the desire to be his truest self. As Alex comes to terms with who and what he wants to become, he transforms slowly into a Mechtyrian, a technological-organic being, forgoing what he was to become something far greater. Each stage of his existence shown is a metaphor for my transgender journey which begins with disdain and fear before HRT, the confidence which slowly built once beginning HRT, and the total embrace of full joy once transitioning fully to male, forgoing the person I once was to become someone far more.
Trounce Transphobia
Alexei (14)
They/them & he/him
This piece of artwork was inspired by a propaganda poster. The propaganda poster in question dates back to the Russian Civil War, and it depicts Leon Trotsky as St. George stabbing a snake that represents capitalism. I have always been fascinated by propaganda, and so I decided to redraw a propaganda poster and make it an anti transphobia poster.
I’m Transgender
Mack Harsell (19)
They/them
what if I just said it?
out loud
to the walls of this house
just once
alone, to the kitchen walls
they'll hold onto it
until I’m ready
t
Blue Means Boy
Mack Harsell (19)
They/them
a blue creation
moves within the walls
of a pink existence
and after a long time
the blue creation will breathe
in and out, in and out, in and out
the blue creation will breathe
Anything You Ever Want To Be
Griffion
He/him
It is funny how when your little they tell you you can anything you ever want to be
But when I want to show who I am they all start to flee
Imagine living a world were your voice is not allowed
However I will never stop being proud
I wake up every morning embracing who I am
Deep down I still know I'm Superman
I will never give up my glow
So other people can pretend to like me and put on a show
I am trans and that's not changing
Because now you're the one who needs saving
Stuck
Ash (Will) Gallagher
He/they
The stinging sensation of tears
flowing through his eyes
down his face as he sobbed
Into his chest that he wished was not there,
feeling as though he would rather not be here.
Stuck in this body that was chosen for him, his life seemingly going to turn out the way he was intended to be.
This woman; who got married to a nice young man, has a kid or two.
Live this life where one can not be himself,
being stuck as the person he never wanted to be.
Or was if that is the life you make him choose?
He might just run into a hive of bees, stung to death,
death taking him in with open arms letting him be the man,
he was meant to be.
I’ll Be Who You Want Me To Be
(a palindrome to be read forwards and backwards)
Mack Harsell (19)
They/them
I’ll be who you want me to be
Even though that’s not how I feel
Because I’m the only one who knows that it isn’t right and
That I’ve always been a boy
And I tried so hard to convince myself that you were right
I said I wouldn’t tell people because they’d think I’m lying
Because I’m graceful the way a lady should be
And I look good in dresses that flow in the wind
I’m quiet and dainty in the back of the room
I’m just a girl
But I so badly want to say
I’m just a boy
And I have the confidence to put myself in charge
And the teacher asks me to move heavy things
Because I’m muscular but only slightly
I’ll be who you want me to be
Even though that’s not how I feel
Because I’m the only one who knows that it isn’t right and
that I’ve always been a boy
And I tried so hard to convince myself that you were right
I said I wouldn’t tell people because they’d think I’m lying
Even after I said to you that the old me isn’t coming back
You told me you miss the old me
As if I’ve been replaced by a totally different person
Even though I’m still in the same physical body
You’ll never see me the same
Dancing Boy Says I’m A Man
Mack Harsell (19)
They/them
dancing boy points at me
in my white suit jacket and bowtie
Mister, I’ll make a man out of you
inviting me into the light
and its warmth
dancing boy
he’s looking into my soul, telling me
Somehow I’ll make a man out of you
just in case I needed a reminder
that I am tranquil as a forest,
but on fire within
jubilance holds us
tastes sweet like honey
it sticks us to each other
and there’s something about this song
and this colorful place
awake and excited
that frees me
dancing boy drops to the floor, bounces back up
life radiating from somewhere inside him
maybe from his too big red tie
straight from the 2000’s
or the fact that he is here
in this room, enveloped in its energy
there’s something about this song
and this colorful place
awake and excited
that frees me
dancing boy
looking into my soul, asks me
Did they send me daughters,
when I asked for sons?
in case I needed a reminder
that I am strong, like a raging fire