The Bona Boaters - What is The Token ?

What is The Token ?

The Token is a simple device developed for the sole purpose of preventing BTS1 [..or anyone else..] from getting out of paying for their due round. It consists of a badge-of-office which should be worn at all times by the current token-holder. Possession of The Token signifies that it's the token-holder's responsibility to buy the next round of drinks for the entire crew. The Token is also known as The Black Spot, or often simply just as The Spot.

How does it work ?

There is one 'active' Token and one person is in possession of it at any given time. The person currently in possession of The Token is said to be the token-holder. This may also be referred to as being "on The Token", being "on The Black Spot" or simply being "on The Spot". What this means is that the token-holder must buy the next round of drinks for the entire crew. Having done so may then pass The Token on to the next token-holder. Their name appears next on the list on the back of The Token. In the event of the token-holder's name being at the bottom of the list, The Token simply reverts back to the top name on the list, and the cycle continues.

Token Crimes

There are many forms of Token Crime but only the most serious are covered here.

1) Loss : Loss of The Token is by far the most serious crime imaginable. It is punishable by it remaining the token-holder's round for the remainder of the trip, and there will be no more Port, Stilton or Black Pudding for the offender.

2) Forgetting The Token : If the token-holder should forget to bring the token to the pub, then the round remains the responsibility of that token-holder until such time as the first round has been purchased, the token has been retrieved and has been legally passed on.

On arrival at the pub, the first round must still be purchased by the token-holder regardless of whether the token is actually present or not. Having purchased the round, the token-holder should then be dispatched back to the boat to retrieve the token. Meanwhile, should any of the other crew members present finish their drinks before the Token has been retrieved and legally passed on, then round is deemed to be incomplete and the token-holder is required refill any empty glasses before the token can be legally passed on. It is therefore very much in the token-holder's interest that they do not forget to bring The Token.

3) Failure to Display : As stated above, The Token should be worn and displayed at all times. This offence can however be excused in certain dangerous circumstances:

3a) Operating particularly stiff paddle gear - also referred to as a stiffie - as in "has anyone got any grease ? I've got a bit of a stiffie here.."

3b) Cooking breakfast, making cups of tea, coffee, soup or a sausage surprise*.

3c) Having to use the boat toilet in an emergency in the middle of the night.

* Sausage surprise - this is a toasted afternoon snack usually made from any combination of sausage, jam, soup, cheese, marmalade, black pudding, sprout relish, mars bars, tomato ketchup or prawn balichow.

4) Failure to display whilst on Licensed Premises : This offence cannot be excused. Ever.

5) Farting about : There are several categories of farting about with varying degrees of seriousness.

5a) Farting about on the boat : Once the boat has moored-up, the token-holder is expected to be one of the first, if not the first into the pub. After mooring-up is therefore NOT the time to choose to start doing your ablutions These activities should all have been completed before the boat moored, thus leaving the token-holder free to get to the pub first.

5b) Farting about when it's your round : Again, once in the pub, the token-holder is expected to buy the round in good time, and with good grace. They should not to have to be bullied, badgered or beaten into doing so. Farting about in an attempt to put-off buying your round is totally unacceptable behaviour.

5c) Farting about at Last Orders : This crime is second only to Loss in seriousness, especially if said farting about actually results in the token-holder missing last orders whilst crew members still have empty glasses.

6) Failure to pass on The Token : Whilst technically a Token crime, the only person this really affects is the token-holder themselves. Token operating rules clearly state that should the token-holder not realise that they have failed to pass on the Token, then when the next round is called-for, as the person currently in possession of The Token, they must still buy the round. Needless to say, failure to pass on is a very rare crime indeed.

Purchasing the round.

As mentioned in para 5b) above, the token-holder must buy the round with good grace. This means that they should buy any 'reasonable' drink requested by any member of the crew. This does not mean that the token-holder can get away with just getting a round of the cheapest beer available regardless of what the crew members might want - but equally, it does not mean that the token-holder is obliged to buy absolutely anything that is requested. The onus also falls on the other tokenees not to make unreasonable demands of the token-holder - such as requesting 'whisky chasers' with every pint, or requesting lager. Spirits, cider, perry or that funny foreign muck may be purchased in place of beer, provided that the cost of the alternative is broadly similar to that of the cost of a pint of standard draught beer in this pub.

Whilst it is perfectly reasonable behaviour to comment on or to complain about the cost of beer generally, it is not acceptable for the token-holder to refuse to buy the round or to moan about the cost simply because this pub just happens to be a bit more expensive than the last one. It is to be understood by all tokenees that there will be an element of swings and roundabouts - sometimes, a token-holder may get stung by a particularly expensive pub, but equally they may occasionally benefit from a particularly cheap one.

At certain times, glasses of "something small, expensive and Scottish [..or Welsh or even English nowadays..]" may be preferred to beer. It is perfectly acceptable for two or more subsequent tokenees to join their rounds together into a single token-round to cover the cost of a particularly expensive round, especially when said round includes glasses of small and expensive [Scottish / Welsh / English]* things.

* delete as applicable to your personal taste.

What if unreasonable requests are made of the token-holder ?

In the first instance, reasonable should mean the the cost of the requested drink is broadly similar to that of the average price of a pint of draught beer in this specific pub. Assuming the drink meets this description then the token-holder must buy it with good grace.

In the event of a dispute then the remaining tokenees should take the agreed a course of action for this round which is everyone for themselves. Until the dispute is satisfactorally resolved there can be no further token rounds. The token must remain with the token-holder who initiated the dispute, and it cannot be passed on until the dispute has been resolved and an acceptable round of drinks has been purchased. This token-holder must eventually purchase an acceptable round before the token can be passed on. See Dispute Resolution below.

Passing The Token on.

Under normal circumstances, this is achieved by the current token-holder placing The Token over the head of the next recipient, while at the same time handing them their drink. If for any reason this recipient is absent, The Token may still be legally passed on in one of two ways, depending on the reason for their absence.

a) Temporary Absence : e.g. gone to the toilet or gone outside for a little puff.. In this instance, The Token should be securely wrapped around the recipient's drink in such a way that they cannot access the drink without touching the token or the glass. Touching The Token or the glass it is wrapped around is taken as de facto acceptance of The Token.

b) Permanent Absence : If the next recipient and/or one or more of the other tokenees for some obscure reason has not come and/or will not be coming to the pub, then the token may still be legally passed to the next recipient, leap-frogging any missing tokenee(s), but only during a quorate Token round. (see The Token Quorum below)

Recurrent Absences.

If any tokenee appears to be deliberately attempting to avoid holding the token by being absent from the pub on multiple occasions, then this should be escalated to the local TOC (Token Operating Committee) for investigation. If after due diligence and investigation, a tokenee is found to be attempting to avoid the token, they will be removed from it. They will be expected to buy all their own drinks for the remainder of this trip and they will not invited on any further Bona Boaters trips.

The Token Quorum.

This is a simple but absolute majority of those named on The Token for this trip. If someone leaves the trip (either temporarily or permanently) then they can be passed over. If for example, there are 8 persons currently on the trip, then there must be at least 5 present for the round to be deemed a quorate token round and for the token to be legally passed on. If there are less than the quorum of tokenees present, then the the round cannot be called a token round, and The Token cannot be legally passed on. It is then the responsibility of those present to come to some other suitable arrangement for such intermediary rounds.

Intermediary Rounds or IBS (Intermediate Black Spots)

These may be taken at any time by any sub-set of tokenees however it is their responsibility to maintain such records and other Tokens as are necessary for proper deportment on licensed premises. Such IBS rounds when taken, must not be allowed to interfere with standard Token rounds.

Dispute Resolution.

For a fuller explanation of all current Token rules, recent new Token rulings and for the resolution of the inevitable Token disputes, in the first instance you should contact you local TOC (Token Operating Committee) who can offer advice.

In the unlikely event that your local TOC cannot resolve the dispute, it can be escalated to ATOC (The Association of Token Operating Committees) who can offer more advice and a nice cup of tea.

In the even more unlikely event that ATOC cannot resolve the dispute, the final option is to refer the dispute to OFTOC (The Office for Token Regulation). They can offer even more advice, another nice cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit.

Avenues of modern Token Research.

This is a complex field, and few tokenees can grasp the full ramifications of some of the more esoteric Token research currently ongoing. The three most well known areas of modern research are :-

a) Mobile Token Apps - These require possession of a smartphone or tablet device and a good internet or wi-fi connection. Be warned however, that inappropriate use of these devices on licensed premises can make you walk funny, and may necessitate an embarrassing visit to A&E...

b) Anti-tokens - This is a system in which the token-holder possesses a token as normal. This Token is known as the "posi-token". Every other tokenee also holds a token known as an "anti-token". Possession of an anti-token signifies that it is not that tokenees round next. When the posi-token is to be passed on, the next named holder must surrender their anti-token to the previous posi-token holder in exchange for the posi-token. This system has the added advantages that:

i) if the posi-token is lost, forgotten or destroyed in an attempt to cover-up whose round is next, then the correct tokenee can still be deduced from the anti-tokens. Thus, no one can get out of their round by not bringing, losing or deliberately destroying the posi-token.

ii) if anyone does not bring their anti-token, they are left potentially open to having to get the next round as, without an anti-token, they cannot prove that it is NOT their round next. This places a greater onus on every anti-token holder to look after their anti-token and ensure they bring it, just to prove it's not their round.

c) Quantum Tokens - A single Quantum Token [..or 'Quoken'..] can be used simultaneously in two different pubs many miles apart, although this type of Token has been known to have bizarre side effects on pub cats.