28 January, 2018
I've wanted to write a post on my life as a Peace Corps Trainee (PCT) thus far, but I've been struggling with putting everything into words. I have only been in Thailand for three weeks, and it feels so long and short at the same time. Between meeting and getting to know at least 100 new people, learning a new language and culture, eating TONS of food that is entirely unfamiliar to me, and living in a new city/country... well, everything is kind of a jumbled mess in my brain, to be honest. When I type that all out, it sounds like a lot (and is), but it's a lot in a different, subtle, not-super-intense-but-kind-of-super-intense kind of way. That being said, I have learned a lot about myself these past three weeks and am excited about all the new things I will learn in the years to come. So, in no particular order, here are some things I've come to live by...
1. Allow yourself to be introverted, but push yourself to be social - This is one of the first mountains I had to climb with the Peace Corps. When I first arrived, I was SO tired and fairly sick (it turns out I had bronchitis and some other gross mucusy thing). Being an introvert, I already have to force myself to be social, but being sick on top of that was really a challenge. There were so many people to meet, and I didn't want to miss out on anything, so every day after class, I would allow myself 30 minutes to sit alone and decompress, and then I would force myself to find others to socialize with. It turned out great because I made so many amazing friends.
2. Talk about your feelings - THIS IS SO IMPORTANT IN ALL OF LIFE. Every time I was feeling something or had something weird happening to my body (days of traveling are not my friend), I would just pretend I was perfect and happy because I didn't know these people. It turns out that lots of people feel the exact same way you do! People would just start talking about being tired or having stomach problems, and I would be like, "Omg, me too!" Then, we would become besties for the day. But most importantly, I realized I am never alone in the world, even if I feel like it at the moment.
3. Embrace constructive criticism with open arms - In the Peace Corps, we don't use the phrase "constructive criticism"; it's just referred to as "feedback." But let's be real, it's the same thing. I haven't received much feedback from the staff, but more from peers. And I'm honestly loving it! I have learned that I know so little about so many things, and even though I thought I was aware of a lot, I have lived in a cultural bubble. Meeting people from all over the country, of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexual orientations, etc., has been enlightening. For people who know me well, I am a fairly blunt and open person... this has been a challenge for me. Mostly, what "embracing constructive criticism" means to me is to learn and grow from things you may say or do that (accidentally, of course) offend someone. And also, don't be so hard on yourself; shit happens.
4. Listen and observe - This one goes right along with #3. There are a lot of indirect people who won't say how they feel, and then there are a lot of direct people who will tell you straight up how they feel (me). Listen to the ones who have something to say, and learn from them. They know so many things you don't know! On the flip side, observe the people who seem always okay or don't talk much about their feelings. I have learned actions, and facial expressions say a lot. (Learning to be better at non-verbal communication!)
5. Try new things - Well, it's the whole point of Peace Corps or just traveling in general, isn't it?! I have tried the weirdest food (chicken feet and fish stomach included), danced my butt off with a room full of soon-to-be friends, ridden a bike in a completely new place (and on the wrong side of the road, for that matter), taught a small yoga class, entered a car having zero idea where I'm going, unsuccessfully and successfully used a squatty potty, and so much more. It makes life fun. Kind of scary but mostly fun.
6. It's okay to say no - This one is also very important. So many people have been afraid of saying no to something (mostly food) because they don't want to hurt their host's or anyone's feelings. While this can be great, and you should #5, it's also perfectly fine to be uncomfortable with or not like something. We are all human, and we all have limits. People understand more than we think, even if we don't know what they're saying, and vice versa.
7. Be understanding and open to challenges - Something I have to remind myself every day. Before coming here, I lived on my own and took care of myself. This is not the case anymore. I am under someone else's roof, and new rules and expectations come with that. This has been a challenge for me to adjust to. I'm not used to asking for permission or being told I have to stay home. I have had to push myself to understand other's reasoning for things. Usually, people have good intentions for the things they do, but sometimes, you have to dig deep to understand that. It's almost always worth it. Seeing from a perspective entirely different than yours brings a new wisdom and humility that I haven't known before.
8. Take care of yourself first and foremost - You know on airplanes how they always tell you if there is an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first then help others? Well, this is true in many situations. Being in this new place, I have noticed people putting others' needs before theirs a lot of the time. This can really wear a person down. If your mind and body aren't okay, it's tough to fully open yourself to others. Recognizing who I am and my personal needs was a goal of mine before I came to Thailand, and it has really paid off. I am still learning about myself and my abilities, but knowing my limits (where I can budge or not budge) is really important. Sleeping is okay. Not eating when you're full is okay. Not talking cause your brain is exploding with information and weird words is okay. Also, pushing yourself to see how far you can go is okay. As Khun Katherine would say, "I can do hard things!"