Be Still

26 March, 2018

There have been so many things I have wanted to write about over the past month. Blogs with titles like “PST is Tough, but I’m Tougher,” “Here’s to New Beginnings,” “The Land of Smiles,” (and another cheesy one I don’t remember). But while driving home on the third day of home visits, I felt a shift in how I felt about my life and all the people in it.

For the past three days, I have been traveling around the mountains with my new coworkers and visiting the villages where my students live. My coworkers consist of 12 female teachers, the female principal, and the janitor, who is a large man with a booming voice that randomly yells at me, “SANUK MAI?” (fun?), “NEUAI MAI?” (tired?), “HUE MAI?” (hungry?), and “THAILAND” (this is Thailand!), always with a giant smile on his face and then laughs at any response I give him. The teachers are amazing women. They are so full of joy, laughter, adventure, and they care so deeply about their students.

My students' villages are deep in the mountains, hours away from towns or cities. The people are impoverished, and many get their only nutrition from rats and snakes or fruits and vegetables that grow naturally in their area. When one of the teachers asked what a student had eaten that day, she responded, “Rice with salt.” Another student showed me a little rat he had just killed that they were about to eat. 

Their homes are generally made from bamboo, with either leaves or hay for the roof. Some of the houses are made from stacked tree limbs (that I almost fell through multiple times). There are animals everywhere: cows, pigs, chickens, dogs, ducks, and cats, all sharing the same space with the people. But let me tell you about the people… They are HARD workers. They sew all their clothes, plant and hunt all their food, and build their own houses. They take care of each other. They are so KIND. Every one of them smiled at me and allowed me to try to talk to them with my broken Thai (later to find out some of them didn’t even speak Thai). They generously showed us around their village and homes and gave us food when they didn’t have enough to eat. I was talking to a 13-year-old girl who lives alone because her parents live somewhere else for work. She makes beautiful dresses, and when I told her I thought they were beautiful, she took my measurements and told me she would make me one for free. These people have little money, food, sanitation, etc, but they have the kindest hearts of anyone I’ve ever met. All I could think was, “Wow, I can’t believe I get to live here. I wish I could live in a tiny village for the rest of my life.”

You see, I personally get so consumed with what’s happening in my day-to-day life. All the things I have to get done, all the places I need to go, taking deep breaths when people annoy me, all my bills, relationships, and "what’s for dinner?", and so on and so forth. And not to say that all/most of those things aren’t important, but as I traveled through these tiny villages in the middle of giant mountains, I wondered what it would be like to have a life of such simplicity. I wondered what it would feel like to not have thoughts of 1st world problems swirling around in my mind all day. 

On the way home, I started thinking about people who have passed through my life. I started thinking about all the things I’ve done and been through and the person I used to be and am yet to become. Then, I looked out the window and saw the sun starting to set over the mountains. It looked so small and orange and was surrounded by pink and orange fog. It was so beautiful. I realized how grateful and content I am. How excited I am to work with these amazing ladies and even more amazing students. 

I wish I could give you the peace I had or show the gratitude I felt towards every person who has ever entered my life. I have always had everything I needed and more. In that moment, I was still and knew that I was exactly where I was meant to be. 

Now, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite things I’ve heard since being in Thailand: a quote from my co-teacher, who was sitting in the bed of the pickup truck after a long day, covered in dust, with a big smile on her face, “My feelings today: fun, tired, hot, boring sometimes.”