White Folks Workbook: Week 5
Taking Ownership
Having Hard Conversations With Yourself
We often think the hard part of becoming an anti-racist co-conspirator is the actions we take. We know we have lots of learning to do and that we will have to take risks to make change happen. We commit to spending time and energy unlearning ways of thinking, to reading books and taking courses. Yet, we often consider the most challenging part to be the hard conversations we know must happen with family members, colleagues, bosses, friends. We know these conversations will be emotional, contentious, and trying.
In actuality, though, one of the hardest parts of moving from being an ally to a co-conspirator is owning your own behavior. It means having the hard conversations with yourself, tearing down your own walls, and taking control of who you want to become. It means taking a critical look at your own thoughts and actions and realizing where you're not doing enough, doing things for the wrong reason, or even causing harm.
So this week's work will focus on the tough question: How am I complicit?
What is Complicity?
Complicity is is being involved in, helping, or knowing about (but not stopping) wrongdoing. In the context of anti-racism, complicity is racist inaction.
You may be thinking, "Wait, so if I’m complicit, I’m racist?" The short answer is: yes.
To understand this, let's take a look at the etymology of the word "complicit." The latin verb complicare is the origin of this word and it means “to fold together.” In other words, when we are not actively opposing racism and White supremacy, we are “folded together” with racist White folks. Our inaction permits racist systems and actions to persist.
Many of the phrases above may sound familiar. Thanks to the White Supremacy Culture characteristic of fear of conflict, White folks often avoid the tougher situations within anti-racism. Our privilege allows us to choose when to see and address racism, and when to turn a blind eye or choose not to engage.
Remember that you're only anti-racist when you're taking anti-racist actions. If you choose to stand up one moment, you might be anti-racist in that moment, but if you later choose complicity, you are no longer being anti-racist. As Dr. Bettina Love states, "A co-conspirator functions as a verb, not a noun." Anti-racism is not an identity or status that you achieve, it is a set of actions you commit to every day.
Dr. Brandelyn Tosolt puts it this way: a co-conspirator's actions are "consistent, persistent, and insistent." If we, as White folks, choose complicity, we are no longer enacting co-conspiratorship, and our commitment to anti-racism is less trustworthy.
Do the Work! Face Your Complicity
In a journal or in conversation with another White person doing this work, ask yourself:
What does complicity look like in my life?
In what situations have I chosen complicity over action? What emotions drove my complicity?
To which parts of co-conspiratorship am I finding it hardest to commit?
Return to the image below from Week 1 and consider where your actions fall most often now.
So How Do We Stop Being Complicit?
The only ways to combat your own complicity are to have tough conversations with yourself, take ownership of your complicity, and change your behavior. That requires three steps:
Recognize the role privilege plays. Privilege is implicit in complicity. Your ability to choose whether to take action or stay silent is driven by the fact that your safety doesn’t hang in the balance.
Ask yourself: What is my privilege allowing me to ignore in this situation?Be self-critical. Complicity is easy to ignore, especially if you are celebrating your best anti-racist moments. Since complicity is the norm of Whiteness, it’s easy to slip right back into it.
Ask yourself: In what ways was I complicit today?Take action. The only real way to stop complicity is to take action. It probably means taking bigger risks with your privilege or feeling the discomfort of messy situations.
Ask yourself: How can I speak up, step in, call in/out, or support today?
Running into Walls
Typically, in any growth process, we run into walls. We are finding momentum, making growth, and then we get stuck. These walls are often created because we get stuck in a particular mindset. As Brandon Kyle Goodman writes, “The only way we move forward is if we are willing to allow our perspectives, when necessary, to sift, evolve, expand. And if you got new information and it means what you said before is wrong, you get to say 'I am wrong.' It doesn’t diminish your value.” Therefore, the only way to get to the other side of our walls, is by allowing our minds to change.
There are many messages we send ourselves and many mindsets we buy into that prevent us from truly embodying our anti-racist work. These messages and mindsets act as a wall blocking our impact as co-conspirators. If we can take ownership of those mindsets and messages, we can change the way we view ourselves and the work of anti-racism, allowing us to more freely take action.
The first step to changing your mindsets and self-talk is to acknowledge the messages we're providing ourselves. Some of the messages above may put you behind the wall, while others may place you past it. We must recognize the mindsets that are holding us hostage before we can figure out how to free ourselves from them.
Do the Work! Identify Your Walls
In a journal or in conversation with another White person doing this work, ask yourself:
Which of these mindsets do I possess? Which side of the wall are my thoughts on?
Which of my mindsets and messages are helping me progress as a White co-conspirator? Which are hindering my impact?
Getting to the Other Side of the Wall
A good co-conspirator is benevolently self-critical. In order to become independent and productive co-conspirators, we must be able to take a sincere look at our own thoughts and actions, recognize our areas for growth, and encourage ourselves to do better. Ask Brandon Kyle Goodman states, we must be able to admit our wrongdoing, both to ourselves and others, and to see it as an opportunity to evolve, without beating ourselves up.
In order to do this, we need to know the kinds of questions to ask ourselves. The questions below are helpful, but they are not an exhaustive list. As we make a habit of asking ourselves these types of challenging questions, though, we will develop an ability to generate the questions we need.
Do the Work! Tear Down Your Walls
In a journal or in conversation with another White person doing this work, ask yourself:
Which of these questions do I already ask myself? Which feel pertinent and necessary to where I need to grow?
Answer any questions that feel relevant to your current mindsets and messages.
Taking Ownership
A first step in taking ownership of your behavior is being able to own it to others. This might mean thanking those who correct you, listening when someone offers you feedback or learning, and apologizing when you've made mistakes or caused harm.
The step that moves you from allyship to co-conspiratorship, though, is when you can take ownership of your behavior for and to yourself. Instead of needing correction from others, you habitually examine your thoughts and actions for White supremacy, harm, privilege, and racism.
What does it sound like and look like to take ownership of your behavior?
When you get stuck, asking yourself, “What mindsets and messages are holding me back?”
When you get called out, saying "”Thank you for taking the energy to tell me. I will learn more and do better.”
When you call out others, admitting, “I am working to unlearn things like this myself.”
When you fail to speak up, asking yourself, “What is behind my complicity?”
When you make a mistake, apologizing and doing the work to be better next time.
When you wake up in the morning, asking yourself, “How will I live my values today?”
Do the Work! Take Ownership
In a journal or in conversation with another White person doing this work:
Take ownership of your thoughts and actions this week by asking yourself:
When am I hesitating to take action? What is behind my complicity?
Which mindsets and messages are serving my anti-racist work? Which are hindering my anti-racist work?
Try writing a message to talk back to yourself at the end of the day. Some days it might be acknowledging your mistakes, and promising to do better. Other days, it might be
Additional Resources for the Week
The following are good supplements to the work you did above, if you are looking to dig deeper into this topic.
Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad
A Love Letter to All the Overwhelmed White People Who Are Trying by Melissa DePino
10 Ways Good White People Can Help Black America (If ‘Good White People’ Exist) by Michael Harriot
Interested in Doing More of This Work?
The activities and materials on this page were created for the Anti-Racism Every Day White Allyship Discussion Group and were completed together in a virtual discussion. All are welcome to join us to continue this work and benefit from the power of collective reflection and discussion.