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nondistressed intimate relationships (Margolin, Gleberman, John, & Ransford, 1987). Another study found that while both battering men and battered women use verbal aggression, only the battering men combined their verbal aggression with acts of violence to control their partners (Jacobson et al. 1994). Even if both use verbal aggression, the reality is that a verbal insult is not the same as a fist to the face. Verbal and physical aggression do not have the same power to cause physical CHAPTER 1 22 harm and terror. Some argue that there is “mutual battering” where both individuals use physical force against each other. In such cases careful assessment often reveals that one partner is the primary physical aggressor while the other attempts to defend herself or protect her children (e.g., she stabbed him as he was choking her) or that the perpetrator’s violence is more severe (e.g., his punching/choking versus her scratching) (Saunders, 1986; Hamberger & Potente, 1994). Research of heterosexual couples indicates that women’s motivation for using physical force is self-defense while men use force for power and control (Saunders & Browne, 1991; Wilson & Daly, 1992; Jacobson et al., 1994). “Mutual combat” among gay and lesbian partners is also rare. Even though gay and lesbian partners may be approximately the same size and weight, there is usually a primary aggressor who is creating the atmosphere of fear and intimidation that characterizes abusive relationships (Letellier, 1994; Lobel, 1986; Renzetti, 1992). Selfdefense against an abusive partner does not constitute “mutual battering.” Moreover, what perpetrators report as abusive behavior against themselves are often acts of resistance to the abuse. Victims engage in survival strategies during which they sometimes resist the demands and coercive control of the perpetrators. (See Section III. A.) Perpetrators respond to such resistance with escalating tactics of control and violence. 7. CHANGES IN THE PERPETRATOR’S ABUSIVE PATTERN A perpetrator’s pattern of abusive behaviors may change. Sometimes the perpetrator uses more psychological tactics and at other times more physical tactics. There is no evidence that domestic violence progresses in a linear fashion from verbal insults to minor assaults to homicide. Some perpetrators’ physical violence escalates, while for others the use of physical force stabilizes or even decreases as their use of other tactics increases. Perpetrators change tactics and use the tactics that are most useful in gaining control. There is no evidence that a perpetrator’s abusive behavior simply stops on its own. Even in the research where the use of physical force seems to have stopped for a period of time (Hamberger & Hastings, 1990; Sheppard, 1988; Jacobson, et al., 1995), it is unclear whether the perpetrators have merely switched to non-physical tactics of control and whether the cessation of physical force will be permanent. Changes in the pattern do not necessarily mean the end of the abusive conduct. C. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: PURPOSEFUL, COERCIVE BEHAVIOR Domestic violence is purposeful and instrumental behavior. The abuse is directed at achieving compliance from or control over the victim. The pattern is not random or “out of control” behavior. Perpetrators who minimize or excuse their behavior by claiming they “lost it” or “were out of control” have actually made specific choices. Perpetrators follow their own internal set of rules and regulations for their use of abusive behaviors. Some will batter only in particular ways (e.g., hit certain parts of the body). Others use violence only toward their victims even though they may be in conflict with their boss, other family members, or the health care provider. Some will hit only in private, while others hit in public. Some will break only the victim’s possessions and not their own while others will not engage in any property destruction. Such decisionmaking indicates that they are actually in control of their abusive behaviors. (Ganley, 1981, 1991; Adams, 1989). Domestic violence involves a pattern of behavior and certain tactics require a great UNDERSTANDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 23 deal of planning to execute (e.g., stalking, interrogating family members). Some batterers impose rules on the