PART SIX

1963 - 1965

SECTION 1

A Mar ultimately said "Yes" and had to go aboard to the United Kingdom, Landon, to study at the Great Ormond Street Institute of Child Health as a postgraduate student on the Diploma in Child Health programme in 1963, sponsored by the Colombo Intergovernmental Organization.

That year, there were three Burmese scholars, two other girls, and A Mar was given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study abroad.

A Mar left her home excitedly and proceeded to the Yangon International Airport with her family, who came along with her to say their goodbyes before departure, which were her husband Ba Maung Chain, beloved Aung Kyaw Aye and her mummy Daw Ma Ma lay.

She does not completely trust them to behave responsibly to one another, but she has no choice but to put faith in them. And she comforts herself that two years would be over quickly.A Mar had previously travelled by plane, but only locally, not internationally; this is her first time ever boarding overseas.

"You'll see how lovely the British Airways flight hostesses are; they're just like models and actresses, you will see. So beautiful and talented"

A Mar recounts her husband telling that she is going to be getting her first experience on board by seeing the beautiful flight hostess. They are undoubtedly lovely and appealing, the body structure, form of the face, hands and long legs, every bit of their body is free from blemish or spot and scar.

All of them are much taller than one would expect, their waist is straight with corset, and their white gloved hands are waving as they are speaking, the tiny skirts are enchanting to everyone around them.

The seat is reasonably comfortable, there is plenty of legroom, the seat is easily adjustable, there is no class division, everyone on the plane is the same, there are pictures on the plane's wall, and the side lane is wide and open.

The flight includes an endless supply of complimentary drinks, which they would call “endless free drink” as well as its own cocktail bar where passengers may socialise with other people. It was not offered with a cheap beer can in a glass, but rather luxury beverages such as Champagne, Rum, Brandy, and Whiskey. As per Ba Maung Chain remarks, "a flight seems like a cocktail party in the sky" indeed.

To A Mar's astonishment, the buffet is a feast with plenty of seafood, diverse cuisines, and so many options for protein, vegetables, and so on. The flights serve plenty of beverages and food, despite the fact that the travel is extremely tedious. There isn't much to do, but there is always the option of drinking, eating, or even smoking.

A Mar collects complimentary post cards that are handed by the hostess and writes on them to send home to pass the time.The post card might be mailed from the layover nation if the flight has a stopover.

A Mar picks a postcard which features with a gourmet that served on the plane, and writes a message,

"Dear Thar Thar,

Mummy is on the plane now, the desert where Mummy has a lot of chocolate just like you would want to have it, I miss you already, be good, behave, and don't forget to write to me.

Your loving Mummy"

Then she chooses another postcard with a view from the plane's windows to the outer sky.

“Dear Ko Ko…

I miss you already.I miss you more than words can say.

Love, Than”

Then she chooses another postcard with a picture of a British Airways plane on it.

"Ma Ma,

A Mar is on her way to Landon right now; everything is great; don't worry; take care of yourself; and I will write once I arrive.

Your loving daughter"

She feels relieved after writing to the most important three people in her life, then she takes another postcard and writes to other relatives and friends to pass the time.

A Mar feels proud of herself for serving the country by embarking on the mission organised by the ministry and the Colombo Plans, and she knows there is no turning back, aside from circumstances of life and death, she must finish the programme, she must complete the mission.

She is still concerned about the tension between her mother and her husband, but she also realises that she must be selfish from time to time for the good of everyone.

She knew she'd do it. She knows she'll do it.

✺✺✺

SECTION 2

When A Mar arrives at the great nation of the United Kingdom, she is greeted by a dark sky and hazy clouds.The ancient kingdom as well as the old cities appear to be centuries old, but they have withstood the test of time.

The large buildings, the broad road, the massive throng, but the people are dressed differently, they are comfortably suited in long brown coats.

A Mar feels strange as she finds she is no longer in her own nation, but rather in a land with distinct customs and environments.

A Mar discovers at the institute that the programme only contains five Burmese nationals. But she feels relieved when she realises that the two girls that accompany her are also partaking in the programme.

However, the class times and the hostel are different. So they can only meet each other on weekends. They would go on outings together and sometimes go to the library or the park.

The United Kingdom was formerly Burma's colonial ruler, and they nationalised the country by instituting their own curriculum and language. As a consequence, students of the basic education, even as low as the seventh and eighth grades are competent in English and other major subjects.

Which makes A Mar fits very well with the British ways of higher education standards and language fluency. And she found the lectures and class to be fairly understandable.

Even though the British were a brutal coloniser of Burma, and they oppressed and repressed when they ruled over the nation with an iron fist policy, and yet they still have some of the good things left behind, such as the grand governmental buildings that are still in use after the British left by Burma's later officials, the finest architectural structure, broad and long road, formal management system, and so on.

Even if the monster has some good, why can't the decent one live in harmony? The British are brutal and vicious once to Burma, yet they are also grateful and deserve to be thanked in certain societal contexts, A Mar thought to herself once she was in Landon.

Family members, loved ones, and relatives are the individuals who would love, cherish, understand, and appreciate no matter what occurs, and yet A Mar wonders why her Mummy and Ba Maung Chain can't see the good in one another.

The weather is rather cold here all the time, so A Mar has to keep herself warm with heater whenever she has spare time, comfortable in her blanket and pass the time with writing postcards.

She would refer to a particular one, such as Mummy, Beloved Husband, or Thar Thar, but she would also include everyone and address them with "Dear everyone" at times.She would cry and sob while writing, or she would miss them terribly and mourn alone in the blanket.But she always cried when she got a letter from Mummy, Ba Maung Chain, or Thar Thar.

Memorising skills are not the same as when one is younger and studying at the age of 40 is challenging. A Mar is pondering quitting her studies since she is growing increasingly irritated by it. Her mind grew clogged with regret for coming here sometimes.

A Mar would drink a lot of coffee whenever she felt low and homesick, and she would regain the lost motivation to continue her studies when the caffeine kicks in. Everyone is obligated to listen to the weather forecast every morning while eating breakfast. If the forecast indicates that it will be wet, one can never forget to bring an umbrella. The forecast is broadly correct almost all the time.

Every weekend or so, A Mar and her friends would wish for a sunny day because they would go on a trip if the sky was clear, and the sun was bright. Nyunt would come to join the group of A Mar to go on visits around Landon anytime she is available; she is already becoming a Londoner since she arrived here beforehand and is about finished all her studies.

Nyunt always had a camera with her, and she snapped pictures of everyone, became a tour guide for everyone, and enthusiastically planned the excursions; when is the ideal to travel to Scotland, or France, when is the best time to visit Italy, and so on.

A Mar feels much more at ease and relieved when she has to meet with the girls, and all of them talk frankly in Burmese, and sometimes they tell stories from the past and the present, and then laugh, cry, and yuk by it.

When A Mar firstly arrives in London, she is placed in a flat with an African American student, who turns out to be a girl with an attitude, that she would often brag about herself like "I came from State" and always treated A Mar poorly.

When A Mar tells her friends about the American girl, they all warn her not to be bullied by her.

"You know, I have to tell her that 'I came from Burma, which is the nation of the Secretary General of the United Nations, U Thant, I suppose you would not know that, right?'I did tell her that. But she doesn't seem to care about my words, and I really hate her; every time she uses the bathroom, the bathtub becomes greasy and horrible, and I have to clean it every time I use it."

A Mar tells her friend about the American girl's bathroom habits, her story is indeed startling everyone in the end. When the western norm of using the bathtub is by filling it with water and showering in it, A Mar prefers pouring with a water bowl as an Asian.

But the problem is that whenever the American girl used the bathtub, the entire tub was left greasy, and cleaning the tub is not as easy as it sounds, so when A Mar told her flat mate about the bathtub using habits and the difficulties that she causes A Mar to face, she replied to A Mar that she, too, has to deal with A Mar's long hair's leftover dirty mess on the floor of the bathroom. But A Mar makes amends to herself and hopes that the terms of the American girls finish soon.

"Typical, I hear you A Mar, you know, it's really hard to even shower here, at the Amy hostel, it's even worse, everyone has to use the same huge bathroom, you know, and it's naked, all the white girls are naked, Amy is too embarrassed to shower with them, so she has to wait until everyone has left the hall, then she bathes while still wearing under longyi"

Different customs and norms might make individuals feel uneasy at times. Culture shock is real and dealing with it is difficult. Amy is fortunate to live alone, so they would all visit her and make delicious homesick cuisines sometime.

For A Mar, London has never been easy, especially when it comes to eating. For breakfast, A Mar only wants sesam with fried or steam hot sticky rice with some tempura. And because A Mar has little time to make her delights on time, she is obliged to go to the canteen. A Mar is compelled to eat the English meal despite her preference for the simple Burmese meal.

A full English breakfast typically includes bacon, fried, poached or scrambled eggs, fried or grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, fried bread or buttered toast, and sausages. Black pudding, baked beans, and bubbles and squeaks are also often included. But A Mar can't eat both black pudding and baked beans since they taste strange to her, so she's left with only bread and coffee.

A Mar is usually thrilled to go to Amy's place since she would be able to have Burmese foods there, and sometimes they all go to the neighbouring Indian Restaurants and enjoy the Biryani from time to time.

Despite the cold and hard weather, A Mar and all of the Burmese girls wear the usual clothing, Longyi and Long - sleeved. However, they do wear some undergarments in order to keep their bodies warm; they may wear three or four layers of clothing at times and put on a coat when it is chilly and simply a cardigan when it is less cold. They prefer shoes over other types of footwear.

When they all stroll down the street, everyone stares at them strangely and with interest. Longyi, Burmese Hand Weave, and Chaing Mai are always eye-catching. They would all be greeted by pedestrians everywhere they went.

The English are actually pretty kind and helpful; not everyone is the same, but most English people are extremely nice. Sometimes the past appears harsh or dreadful, but not everything is terrible and evil; instead, one should see the world through the eyes of a clear conscience, and one will realise that there is no difference but that all humans are the same.

✺✺✺

SECTION 3

A Mar eventually acclimates to London in the end; the annoying African American girl has left, and the other has arrived after her; she is quite kind, and A Mar and her get along very well, maybe because they are both Asian, and Asians tend to understand one another, A Mar thinks.

After numerous mistaken turns, streets, routes, and ways, A Mar eventually became acquainted with London's transit system. Most Londoners are proud of their one of the finest mass transit: the tube, as they call it, the subway system is quite spectacular. Cheap, quick, timely and clean. Cheap, quick, timely and clean. Most significantly, reliable to everyone at any all-times.

Every junction and significant location has its own tube station, and most people choose to commute the tube over other transportation options. A Mar, on the other hand, likes the London double-decker bus but prefers the tube, and there is always a red phone box nearby. A Mar enjoys seeing the metropolitan scene, such as great and towering skyscrapers and century-old landmarks across London.

"Have you been to Downing Street yet, where our General Aung San once visited the Prime Minister?"

"You must watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace!"

Ba Maung Chian would advise A Mar to visit the popular places in London that she ought to not overlook, but in the end, all of London had become much the same to A Mar.

There are several attractions to visit in London, including museums, decorative parks, cathedrals, and so on. However, A Mar and her friends only visit one location at a time.

Usually, they all went to visit collectively, but later on, A Mar would venture out on her own and enjoy oneself.

The Royal family and their age-old traditions are what A Mar admires about the United Kingdom. She is fascinated by conventions and regal formalities in everything. Every Sunday, one may participate in the ceremony at Westminster Abbey, even though A Mar is not a Christian. She would attend the mass because she wants to experience the ceremonial activities and the beauty of the architecture.

[Westminster Abbey is one of the most important Gothic Catholic buildings in the whole of England. Since 1066, it has been the official coronation church and the final resting place of many significant individuals and monarchs in Britain’s history. Aside from being a place of worship, the abbey has become a treasure chest of artefacts, attracting thousands of visitors every single day.]

She would go about London, exploring Tower Bridge, The British Museum, The Houses of Parliament and Elizabeth Tower (Big Ben), The Victoria and Albert Museum, Hyde Park, Regent's Park, St. Paul's Cathedral, and so on.

A Mar and her friend would wander around Regent's Park on a sunny day. The gardens and landscapes are breathtakingly beautiful, and the swans, geeks, and ducks swim peacefully in the lake and springs.

A Mar would sit in the shade and write to home, have some treats, or read a book. Alone time did make her more focussed and contemplative to herself and acquired the understanding for one's own life that one should focus on what one's goals are and if the wants are necessary or auxiliary.

She simply wants one thing, and one thing alone, and that is to return home as soon as her studies are through. She has already bought the land on which to establish anything she wants, and she is eager to do it. And that's why, whenever she sees different looks of windows or doors in architectural styles, she would always sketch in her notebook.

She would sketch up a layout for her dream home in her notebook, from the foundation to the interior decorations. She also sets the scales, levels, range, and measurements for each room and yard, garden, veranda, porch, balcony, overhang, steps, and among other things as well. She is not a perfectionist, but rather a dreamer who longs for her own world to be as secure and good as she imagines.

As a lover of interior design, she had already purchased a few curtains and drapes for her dream building. It brings her excitement to see herself with the drapes and curtains she has previously purchased, decorating them in her imagination and forming a scene in her imagination.

Noone really is there to chastise her for being late or to blame her for not phoning home, distress free time is the best, she thought to herself. After spending the entire morning in the park, she would go to a local street cart and have fish and chips with TarTar sauce before returning home with her notebook full of sketches of her dream. On the way back, there might be an ice cream truck; if there is, A Mar will get some as well.

If the weather is cold, she goes to the museum, where there is heating and warmth inside, and where one can always stay for a while, reading or wandering all day.A walk along the River Tames in the evening is a wonderful way to unwind, and if one wouldn't mind crowds, a stroll through Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square is also fascinating.

A throng of diverse tastes, people from all over the world, distinct faces and appearances are all in the same place, the bar is regularly packed, and the queer are having a good time at the gay bar as well. There is no discrimination or standard, yet everyone is enjoying their own pleasures. In a care free material world of wonder.

A Mar acquired a gold Omega mechanical watch with a black hand band as a souvenir from London. The watch was somewhat costly, but it was reasonable. She plans to wear it with a golden thread hand band as she returns back. It was little and fit her slim hand well.

A time in London is difficult for her at times, but she is doing her best to blend in, knowing that no matter how difficult it is, it will not be more difficult than the past, when she was a war refugee.

When one has to bear the bad for a long time, one would appreciate the good even more.

✺✺✺

SECTION 4

A Mar is on a train to Paris, which she boarded at Kings Cross Station.

A Mar's programme is on spring break, so they have the opportunity to go to Europe as a vocation, with plans to visit France, Italy, Spain, and Germany. They've all already gone to Soctland and Ireland. The Burmese party on its way to thrill. Whenever Ba Maung Chain wrote to A Mar, he would say,

"Don't be hard on yourself, don't worry about money, enjoy yourself while you can, and don't forget to visit anywhere you have the opportunity to go. Don't gather souvenirs, but rather experiences of them. Be free and enjoy yourself."

A Mar appreciates her husband's open mind, compassion, and understanding. All because of him, she is able to concentrate and study without any distraction.

Even though the weather is summer, it is still chilly for Asian born people like A Mar, as some of the tops of the hills and mountains are still covered in snow, and the landscapes are filled with lovely Daffodils, making everyone's eyes pleasant along the way. The land is covered in greenery, trees and shrubs, Strong and tall.

Three of A Mar's colleagues are playing poker, while A Mar is lost in her own thoughts and staring out the windshield of the train.

Life is like a blank canvas, born without any colour or stains. At first, the canvas would mark or spot by so many different colours, tinges, and dyes, which is not attractive to the eyes or a life that isn't definite at all, but as the colours blend, link, connect, relate, and tie to each other, the entire canvas becomes somehow meaningful as the colour continues to add.

But no one knows what the purpose of the canvas is, which is full of colours, some darker than others, some lighter than others, some with spots, and some even damaged. However, because the canvas is a continuous object, the colours would continue to be added. And while some would end without finishing or reaching a certain point of colour additions, others would continue without adding anything at all while still standing with its own colours.

When A Mar considers her own canvas, her life begins with a rough stroke, the colours are not gentle at all, and she must bear and suffer the long and torturous world. And somehow still she is to this day striving on as her old mentor stated, "No matter how hard to live, carry on living and strive on". She never forgets her father's final words, that she must survive.

Is she happy with her current situation? She is still not satisfied with it, and she still has to achieve many of her ambitions, but she is considerably happier than she was in the past, when she had to flee the terror of the war on a boat travelling through the deads. She is delighted with the circumstances that have led her to board this form of train, which will take her to fascinating destinations.

There is no life or canvas that is perfect or complete. Every object has flaws and cracks. A Mar has already faced countless challenges and difficulties, as well as feelings of depression and despair. Nothing could cause A Mar to suffer even more; she has transformed, not as a new person, but as an experienced one.

The term is almost over, and all that is left is the longing to return home, where her loved ones live, and where she may live happily with them.

It's been two years, she did well on her mission, but now she just wants to go home; she's decided to return shortly once the exam is over. Even if Ba Maung Chain claims that everything is alright at home, she knows it isn't.

A Mar's mind is not at ease after reading the letter sent by Aung Kyaw Aye lately.

"Mummy,

I'd like to advise you that you must not send letters to all or with joined names. The postcard you sent the last time caused a hubbub back home; it was not a big deal, but the features on the postcard are adored by Gramma and she wants it, but Daddy would not give it to her because he wants to collect all the postcards you send and they become arguing over it, and Daddy torn it in half and took it separately, which Gramma is not pleased. They are still fighting over it even it's been torn.``

When One Mar read it, she felt disturbed; the child would not write such a letter unless it was really concerning. She prays that nothing worse happens before she returns home.

However, shortly before they leave for their trips to Europe, A Mar's professor calls to tell her that she has been chosen once again, to A Mar’s shock.

"A Mar, you have been granted permission to attend the MRCPCH if you so choose, but I suggest you should attend it."

Actually, the news is fantastic: MRCPCH is an honourable and one of the top degrees in medical areas. But A Mar is unsure about the following two years of academics; she is no longer as committed as she once was, and she is aware that family troubles are on the rise and become more intense with time.

"You don't seem to be thrilled to hear it? What's wrong? Ma Than Htay?"

"It is a wonderful news professor, but I don't think I could be able to pull it off again, I think I must return back to home"

"Well, no pressure, just take some time and think about it OK? this is not the kind of chance that you could get in the future, don't forget that!"

A Mar appreciates her professor's kind advice, but she knows she can't stay here any longer than she needs to; the troubles in her family can't be ignored. She needed to get to it as soon as possible. Whatever happens in her life, A Mar will always favour her family.

She cherishes the significance of family, she understands how much it means to her, how vital family is, and she cannot risk it anymore.

Taking up the responsibilities of this term is far from her comfort zone and is beyond what she would normally risk.

"Keep studying the MRCPCH, don't worry, everything's OK," Ba Maung Chain would say over and over.

He tries to be a considerate husband, and he would never disclose or do anything that might block or end his wife's vocations.

That's why A Mar has to lure him with intentional words like,

"Ko Ko, I want to come back, I sick of doing studies, I miss you, I miss Ma Ma, I can't wait to build our home, I even bought a lot of Chinese set you know,"

And she makes sure not to mention or make a hint of her reason to return back.

Ba Maung Chain, on the other hand, disagrees.

"I won't take a loser, my wife is not a loser, you must attend the MRCPCH," and they never conclude their argument.

"Hey, congratulations, I hear you've been permitted to attend the MRCPCH."

A Mar's musings were abruptly cut by Nyunt.

"Oh, yeah, but I don't believe I'll be in it."

"What's the problem? This is not a common thing, Ma Ma Than, are you sure what you are talking about?"

"I know, I know, but you see, the family is going to be broken up, they're still fighting, and it's exhausting just thinking about it."

"Oh, I'm sure they'd understand; if they don't, I am going to rip them apart!"

A Mar regards herself as a bond to her family, a good wife, and a decent daughter. On top of that, the only things she would not alter are her family and herself; she will not hesitate to sacrifice herself for her family. She has always been and will always be that type of devotee.

✺✺✺

SECTION 5

Something unexpected happens when one expects it not to. Once, in the fine morning, while A Mar is studying in the hallway, a letter comes to her unexpectedly. To her shock it was from her cousin, Ni Ni.

"Ma Ma Than," she starts,

How is everything going for you? I hope that everything goes well for you. I apologise for disturbing you, but I feel obligated to inform you of something that I believe we can no longer ignore. I considered whether or not to send you this letter, but after discussing it with my husband, I am sure that you should know of it."

A Mar is now too terrified to continue reading it. Ni Ni would not write to her unless there was a compelling cause.

"Short to the point, it is concerning Thar Thar, he grows even more undisciplined while you are away for about two years, and I am not criticising for Ba Maung Chain loving, but I think he is spoiling him awful, his pampering is in our view is a root of the child’s badly behaving.

As you would know that Ba Maung Chain is not always near to Thar Thar, and the boy becomes even more arrogant and reckless since Ma Ma Lay would not upbraid whenever he starts taking advantage of everyone. She is too afraid to be disappointed by him as well.”

A Mar realises the reason for the letter now, and it's simple: Ba Maung Chain is not Thar Thar's biological or legal father or custodian; they haven't formally adopted the child yet.

But, as pompous as he is, Ba Maung Chain likes to brag about Thar Thar being his child whereas, in fact, he was only a hired one.

A Mar didn't blame him; he would pamper the child because he is insecure about the child, and his worst nightmare is that the child would disappoint him and return to his parents. Nonetheless, Ni Ni has begun to talk about it now.

"It's difficult as a parent, Ma Ma Than, to watch one's own child spoil rotten and behave badly on others, yelling and moaning, groaning and whimpering whenever he upsets.

And for what intent? Nothing. Nothing at all, he's simply bossing about everyone, even us, his own parents, and we're really disappointed to see him like that. The boy is messed up, Ma Ma Than, I don't know how to tell you in good terms, I can't think of a phrase to even describe him to you right now.

He no longer recognises us as his parents; we are just a visitor to him when we first meet him after a while. On one occasion, he makes a scene because all the oranges are gone; we were there as well; when we tell him that we would buy it for him the next morning, he would not let go; when his Daddy returned, he began to whine at him, and to our surprise, he did not inquire at all and blamed all the girls for not buying it sooner, just as they would die if they did not have the orange at once.

I hope you understand what I mean. Ma Ma Than, it's heart-breaking to watch our boys spoilt like that. Oh, you have no idea how we felt when we saw him acting up like that. The hard thing for us is that as parents we cannot even scold or discipline our own child.

So there, Ma Ma Than. Aung Kyaw Aye is almost ten now, but if he's going to be spoiled like that, I'm not sure he'll be the kind and disciplined boy we want him to be.

So we'd want to bring him back to Banmaw. Please do not misjudge our request; we will be eternally grateful to you both for caring for him for so many years. But, to be honest, as a mother and a parent, I don't want him to be a rich boy; rather, I want him to be a nice and disciplined young man when he grows up.

If you are here, we are convinced that Aung Kyaw Aye would not dare to act in such a manner, but we are no longer confident in leaving him with Ko Ba Maung Chain. And we hope you appreciate that this isn't about us or you or your husband; it's about the boy's well-being.

We have not yet discussed this with Ko Ba Maung Chain, but we are hopeful that your excellent judgement will return.

Then we'll do what has to be done.

Your loving cousin,

Ni Ni

When A Mar finished reading it, she couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if her husband, Ko Ba Maung Chain, found out. He would be crushed, heartbroken, and maybe shocked to death.

The snow is falling thickly outside, people in heavy coats are strolling on their own, and a pile of books is waiting to be studied by A Mar. She became depressed, and she thought that if she could, she would run home and manage everything at once.

She checks her watch, which reads noon-1:30 p.m. The post-office is still open, so she dashes to it, her large coat and boots heavy, but not as heavy as her heart.

She walks through the throng, then boards the tube, exits at the post-office station, and rushes toward it.

When she receives the papers, she writes,

"Ni Ni, please, I will be returning as soon as the exam is over, do not worry, I will take care of everything, I promise you, do not make any decisions until I return."

She then prays to all gods that Ni Ni and her husband Tin Maung Aye do not make any decisions before the post reaches them. She is hoping so.

Hope may be torturous at times. A Mar is in pain, not physical pain, but mental distress, unlike any other. This sort of pain is caused by love, which some may refer to as love's pain, but A Mar can scarcely bear it, the agony is unbearable.

It is difficult to hang on to and desire something that is not one's own, and the attachment is really an agony, an affliction, yet she wants it, not because of her husband, but because she herself is too, already committed to it, and the affections between them are already bounded.

When her husband says, "A Mar, I think we should make it official, or we'll lose our boy," A Mar regrets her own hesitations.

What can she do now? What if Ni Ni and her husband take their child back?

Nothing, there is nothing she can or could do then.

As A Mar exits the post-office, the snow is still falling heavily, and her thick long coat is quickly covered in snow. She puts her hands on the side pocket, and she then faces her head above the sky, and she breathes out a long breath, a mist of vapour comes out of it, the snow is falling on her face.

✺✺✺

SECTION 6

Fortunately, A Mar acquires the tickets for the return trip home at the end of the exam day. With only 10 days left until her departure, she has enough time to pack and ship the package that must be sent with cargo. She has already made the decision not to pursue the MRCPCH on her own. There is just one commitment she will maintain for the time being, and that is a promise to her cousin, Ni Ni, that she will return as soon as the exam is finished.

But she still has the unfinished task, which she has been holding off for a while. But she has made up her mind to do it, so she goes to the nearest phone box and enters. She would not use the phone unless it was an emergency or a critical matter.

She looks at her wristwatch, which indicates that the timing is correct. She dials the numbers one by one, tap by tap, and suddenly she hears the ringing,

"te. te. te. te. Clak!"

"Hello?"

"Hello, Ko Ko. It’s me, Than."

"Oh, hello Than? So, how is the exam going? You did well? I am sure you did, Right?”

His voice is lovely and serene, as it usually is.

"Yes, I do, so KO KO? I'll be returning in 10 days, possibly at 9:00 p.m., with BOAC, just letting you know so you can get me at the airport "

A Mar tells him quickly and frankly. She had never done anything like that before, and Ba Maung Chain did not respond immediately, as if he was taken aback by the news of A Mar's return.

"Ko Ko?"

"Yes," hesitantly replied.

"Ko KO?" she asked.

"Yes, Yes, I believe you will not enrol in the MRCPCH since you did not discuss it with me and did not listen." he calmly responded back.

"Ko Ko, please, do not get angry with me, you don't know what is happening, I have no time to explain, or else. Do you know what is going to happen if I don't come back?" A Mar defensively replied back to him.

"Yeah?"

"Unless I return, we're going to lose our boy."

He didn't respond, as if he had forgotten what he was going to say.

"So, please don't attempt to convince me to stay here any longer; I'm doing what I believe is right, and I'm coming back, period."

"No, NO, NOO. Than, listen, I am your husband, I am the head of my family, I know what is good and what is bad, why am I losing my boy? I have hands, I can manage my family no to be apart, I can hold it without any help from others, Oh, Than Please, do not underestimate me like that, I know I can do it, and you must believe me that I can"

As Ba Maung Chain words heat up, A Mar begins to feel uneasy.

"I believe in you, KO. But not all of the gripping hands are the same, and the chain might be broken for a number of different reasons. I have to grip the hands before it comes apart, you must understand, I have to come back."

A Mar hangs up the phone, and she stands calmly for a time before hearing the knocking from outside. She smiles at the stranger outside the phone box and continues to exist.

Her thoughts began to brighten; it was early spring in London, and every park, yard, and side street was blooming with so many trees and shrubs.

She then lowers her knees and takes a dandelion off the ground, throws it in the breeze, and laughs at herself, feeling relieved.

✺✺✺