Burdock Socks

$4,497.00 and Burdock Socks

We are coming into a crucial time of year for the sportsman. This is when, if I am hoping to do a little hunting out West, I start money crunching. Every June and July, I start sweating for reasons other than Cameron County’s thermometers have crested above 60 degrees. You see, hunting out West can put a dent in your pocketbook and the holidays come too soon after the hunting season. As a family man, I have to answer to demands from my family. My lovely wife will expect a Christmas present and the kids will expect to eat, every day, through the entire month. This means I have to save some dough, not doe, for December. After taking a hunting trip, my ‘superior other’ will expect that if I have money to go out West, then she deserves a little “bling bling” come the holidays. To be able to afford that new vacuum cleaner and drill for her, I must take money saving precautions while shopping for my pre-hunting deployment.

Now, my wife does not understand why we men must go out and purchase new stuff every season. She figures that since we have been hunting since pre-puberty, by now, we should have everything we need. To defend against reason, I show her the articles and catalogues that bombard us, telling her about all the new gear we must have. I explain that we are helpless to resist the satisfaction of knowing a gizmo will make our life in the woods more fulfilling. I rationalize that, this ancient habit is akin to the fairer sex needing a new pair of shoes every time we get invited somewhere; luckily our invitations are less frequent than my hunting trips.

I know I am not alone in the age-old, feed the family or go hunting problem, ironically turning from how it started; go hunting to feed the family. What has happened to the good old days? I’m still not settled with “modern convenience”. In an effort to help my fellow man, here are some tips on how to save money (because our wives need a new chainsaw for Christmas). Let’s start with a good, tantalizing, hunting list.

1. ATV-okay, if that is on your list, stop reading now. You don’t have money problems.

2. GPS-$200.00. Scratch that, get a compass and a map, learn your pace count and maybe get some pace beads or pickup pebbles every 100 yards, savings $150.00.

3. Night vision goggles. Unless you’re hunting Al Queda, get a really, really good flashlight, savings $1,900.00.

4. Fancy tent $500.00 or more. You can use two Army ponchos and some bungee cord with the same effect, savings $450.00

5. Fancy decoy $50.00-I’ve been known to use clumped up burdock stickers on sticks. Save space and money. (Warning-do not leave near a road, it will be shot from a vehicle.) Save $50.

6. Range finder $900.00. Get a book and use the finger and count method, or use your compass and map. Save $875.00.

7. Gortex Clothing $500.00-Okay, this stuff is good, but get old Army stuff or use wool. Save over $250.00.

8. Gortex, fancy boots $200.00-Substitute leather boots or army jungle boots. Yes, your feet will get wet, but what is important is how fast they dry, use with wool socks and they won’t stay wet. Save $100.00.

9. Food (MRE’s). Known by the government as, “Meal Ready to Eat”. To this old ground pounder it stands for “Meals Rejected by Ethiopians” or “Meal Ready to Excrete”. If you can get them free, use them if you dare. If you can catch a turkey buzzard, eat that instead. Savings: your colon.

10. Fancy Sleeping bag $200.00. Actually this is worth its weight in gold, especially with a liner. If you’re in a pinch, use wool and a fleece bed roll on collected moss and pine boughs prepped on a bed of buried coals and hot stones buried under the ground. Save $200.00.

11. Hair cuts up until hunting season $100.00, seriously. Okay, ladies man, are you going to hunt or look pretty? Get a set of clippers and do it yourself, despite what the catalogues say game has no interest in your hair. Save $90.00.

12. Hand warmer packs $10.00. If you must be a green horn and use these things it’s your fingers. Once again, wool is it, or splurge on the fancy stuff. Save $10.00 plus medical bill for frostbite treatment. (If you have electric socks put this article down and back away slowly).

13. Face paint or face mask $10.00. You could use berry juice and mud and save $10.00, unless you’re allergic. Possible savings is $10.00, minus the cost of Benadryl.

14. Rifle Bipod $40.00. Use socks filled with soil (or burdock), $0.10 for washing, save $39.90.

15. Snake boots and charcoal lined scent clothes, cost $300.00. These things are like nips on males, they exist, but I don’t know why, savings $300.00.

Now, I’m down to the good things on the list that are a must. Get good radios, you can’t use them to hunt but if something happens and you’re alone, the savings could be the rest of your life. Also on the list is good rope, knives and de-boning equipment, a good sling and hunting weapon of choice is a must, along with a strong case for transport. Don’t forget a pen and paper to write down a log and write notes to your significant other, as well as your own Christmas list as you sit there, shivering, picking burdock out of your wool socks, thinking “next year I’m getting night vision goggles, nice boots, a fancy tent, a real decoy…”

Note: This article is not sponsored by any manufacturer of any non-gear.

See you along the stream.