3 March

Perfect Mistakes

I started my fishing season off early this year. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. In order to escape the winter, PA pre-season blues, the fishing was destination trip to the “Big O” lake Okeechobee Florida and the river below it the Caloosahatchee River. The plan was to fish out in the Gulf as well but was told that trip wasn’t going to happen until either I could spell Caloosahatchee or Okeechobee or the wind died down; which ever came first. It was only a week trip; so…

My guide down there was a relative. He did it mostly because he lost a bet or because I’m the type of angler only a relative could guide or a little of both. My goal was targeting snook, mayan cichlids, bass, and sea trout. Frankly, though, whatever hits the line it just fine. I even disgusted the locals for repeatedly trying to catch gar under a light on one late night snook run. My guide’s goal was to keep me from getting sun poisoning and to catch bass. Thus, I spent the trip soaked in 50 sunblock under big hats and casting artificial lures into a foot and a half of water. The cool thing about that is being so close to the hordes of alligators. Because of the predators the bass down there snug up in the thickest, overhanging cover in the thinnest water you can find. It is something to hook into a five pound plus largemouth under a small ledge in a couple inches of water. At least it looked fun when other guys did it. I mostly spent my time saying, “Crap, I’m snagged…again…help.” Good thing there are snag proof rigs, it is unknown how many more times I would have caught brush, rocks, yards and, allegedly passing cruise ships (that one was their captains’ fault) if I had a snag prone lure.

I did manage to get into some fish though, which is a testament to how many fish are down there. At times the water would just start boiling around us with hundreds of fish surfacing. They weren’t interested in snag proof lures though. Someone said they must be mullet, which apparently is a fish with a bad haircut. There were other fish in there that cut lures in half and snapped or cut twenty-pound braided line.

I did not get a bite from my spirit animal, the mayan chinchilla, who drew blood on me and possibly stole my social security number last year. Water temperatures were colder than normal which it was theorized that drove those tropical fish out further towards the too windy to fish ocean. As the classic, “you should have been here last week” fishing guy/victim not much is expected. However, this year, they said the previous week was slow too. It probably stayed slow because I was down there; no doubt they are slaying fish in record numbers this week, now that I’m back in Pennsylvania.

My guide informed me that my casting could use some improvements. Some world class casting was executed but would admit that my retrievals needed some work. I suggested he guide where fish like bad casts… I missed a lot of fish which is disturbing when fishing for bass. It’s not like they are tender biters. Maybe it was another symptom of the slow week but the bass were not slamming the lures as bass tend to do. Rather they sucked in the tail of the lures when they were given slack on and allowed to sink to the bottom. Using large sanko lures with snag free hook set ups made for a difficult time feeling the bite on the sink side then setting the hook when you did feel the bite.

I definitely feel like my fishing muscles are out of shape and have a lot of work to do to tune them back up. After a week straight of fishing every day, for most of the day, I’m a bit sore albeit, being stubborn, still not much better at fishing. There is a upside though, my guide said not to worry, I will probably really enjoy fishing once I learn how to do it. He’s a funny guy.

The joke will be on him soon though. I am taking him walleye fishing at one of the great northern spawn runs in April. We’ll see how he does, no casting at all, instead having to deftly drop his line over the side to present a perfect vertical jig. All the while instead of worrying about sunburn in eighty-four degrees he’ll have to contend with cold drizzles and nearly freezing temperatures. Who needs comfort? Real fishing needs to be a perfect misery. The fishing exercise machine is patent pending.

Lure Tour

With fishing season looming (mine starts earlier than the trout opener) it is time to stock up on new fishing supplies. Unfortunately, due to some vile curse placed upon me years ago; I have very few vices. However, because of persistence and probably some weird, born that way, biological imprint; I am addicted to fishing lures; so at least I’ve got that going for me. I have to strike while the ground is still cold. Now is the time to engage in my destructive habit; I’m still hoping to meet an enabler but, for now, have to buy lures alone.

This year, I found a new dealer on the corner of the internet pushing fresh lures. I got a free sticker with my first purchase and now I’m hooked. Realizing that spring is close-the groundhog predicted a short winter and with a fifty percent accuracy rate, is the most accurate meteorologist in the world! So, I hawked my space heater to be able to step up purchases. My first choice for go to lures are for walleye fishing and I’ve got some river dancing to do come early spring for spawning ‘eyes. Going down the list of options on the internet can be confusing. When I shop in the store, by looking at the product, I can tell what it is used for and how or at least am able to ask someone wearing a name tag. On the internet where the main way to tell what the product is used for is by verbiage, it can be a confusing world. I have been able to decipher and decode much of this e-slang, fishing language (even though they use ever-confusing English). To save you time, I’ve invested mine to decipher the descriptions into the call of the lure hunter. Here are some examples:

First off there are many categories to syphon through just to get confused by more specific options. For some reason they aren’t even in alphabetical order. Reels: Everyone knows what a fishing reel is, even if there are fake ones that aren’t real. Easy enough, but then you hit the tab and apparently you can build reels. There are ice fishing reels, fly reels, spinning reels, bait caster reels (even though they all are, ostensibly, for casting bait) tight line, loose line, and left handed. My favorite, I’d call the reel of hypocrisy is the “adjustable, tension-free spool” reel (that one must be for politicians). The “Tight Line Pro Too” is advertised exactly as the name suggests. Except there’s only one not two or too.

Then there are the rods and rod combos and rod building sections. Rod building is a fun past time and a hobby unto itself. I’d try it if I wasn’t already distracted by the lure building section. I like lures better than rods. There are casting and spinning rods. I always spin after I cast so maybe that’s been my problem. There’s the “ambition rod”; ambitious fishing is a good thing if you can manage it. I’ve noticed that the ambitious don’t get enough fishing in. In the rod building part, there are tons of different gizmos like “foot snakes” (not a snake) and the recoil single foot guide (no foot but guide is a good word that gives me a picture).

There’s a terminal tackle section. Which as a guy who can’t get enough lures made me nervous. Turns out that it is your weights, bobbers (strike indicators for fly fishermen), swivels, snaps, jig spinners, leader connectors and bait holders (“hooks” for bait guys morphing into an in between stage to fly fishing).

Lure building is my favorite tab. I can get “one hundred count beads”, “folded clevis gold #2” and “silver streak #5 Colorando’s” and my significant bride sees the invoice and assumes I bought her jewelry for her birthday! Well, maybe yours will but mine knows better. She does enjoy a good birthday lure though.

The hard baits section is much different than the soft baits section. Don’t let that bit of accuracy fool you though. Hard baits are not jigs, even though they are hard. Those are lures that look like minnows but are hard. You can attach a soft bait to a hard bait and a jig is a hard lead or tungsten device that looks like a painted sinker with a hook out of it. Not all jigs are created equally though. There are sickle hooks, stand up jigs, banana jigs, mantis jigs, boogies ball jigs, and many others with different colors and color combinations that are endless. Fish are very finicky but not as finicky as you have to be when picking fishing lure birthday presents for humans.

Wait a minute. Looking behind the aquamarine looking glass into this website and seeing the evidence; it uses poor English, it is finicky, has lots of choices and colors, nothing is in alphabetical order, most of the stuff doesn’t work…Something off about the currency exchange, “send $50.00 USD, 100 worms or 50 minnows”. Everyone knows that 50 minnows don’t add up to 100 worms; that exchange rate isn’t right... I suspect that the site may be a front run by walleye or a musky cartel. I’m going to have to dry off the next batch of lures, pull off the weeds and look for bite marks.