Music was an integral part of Alma's life, but it is often a side note in biographical accounts of her. Given its importance to her life, an analysis of Alma is incomplete without addressing her musical journey.

What Music Meant to Her

Alma felt a deep emotional connection to music and would turn to it when she felt the need to withdraw from her everyday life. She wrote “in the early days a lifelong desire grew in me for a heaven on Earth. I found it in music” (Mein Leben 12). Clearly, music bordered on a spiritual experience for her. After her mother's marriage to Carl Moll she reflected, “I was indifferent to the environment and as a result the music was everything” (17). Here, she finds refuge in music from the changes in her family. At the age of 19, she wrote in her diary “In the D♭-major Nocturne I see my whole life reflected. It’s almost as if Chopin had written it specially for me, for my emotions…” (Diaries 1898-1902 25). This emotional connection was also described as deeply physical. Alma recalled that at the age of 23 “For days and nights music has once again started to move within me. So loud and so powerfully, that when I speak, I feel it under my words and I cannot sleep at night” (Mein Leben 28). Interestingly, an article about female composers makes the argument that "for women, the creation of a work may bring body and mind together" (Citron 58). The physicality of Alma's relationship with music seems to back up this point. Music had the unique ability to enlist her body to create refuge and provide self-expression for her mind. The powerful hold music had on Alma shows the close relationship she had with her chosen art form. In addition to feeling connected to music, Alma expressed the wish to be able to use it to prove herself. She wrote, “I want to do something really remarkable. Would like to compose a really good opera — something no woman has ever achieved. In a word, I want to be a somebody” (Diaries 1898-1902 5). Alma’s emotional, physical, and mental involvement with music shows its importance in her life.

Unfortunately, any confidence she may have had was often minimized by her music teachers. One Tuesday she wrote, “At Labor’s. He gave me a good lecturing about ‘time-wasting’ and begged me to take things more seriously. I have to admit that he was right” (74). Alma just accepted his criticism and internalized it by agreeing with him. After another lesson with Josef, she wrote he "told me that the one minor-key variation with its constantly recurring transition has fine details –quite by chance. He’s right: I never do anything well intentionally” (72). Even when complimenting her work, Josef made a cutting remark that she internalized: her moments of genius are unintentional. This implies that Alma would not be able to rely on her talent because it did not come from her own effort. While Josef did little to help Alma's confidence, her second music teacher, Alexander von Zemlinsky, did even less. She reported his feedback as, “...I lack all passion, that I do everything by halves – I can only be half a musician, only take half a pleasure in things – and only marry half-heartedly… I shall never approach things in real depth.—Alas, how right he is, how very right. I'm very worried about my half-heartedness” (283). Notably, Alexander emphasized her womanhood in belittling her. In his judgment, her musical ability equaled her ability to be a wife: she would only be half a musician and would only marry half-heartedly. Unfortunately, Alma once again internalized the message and agreed with any criticism levelled toward her. After showing off her songs to Alexander she wrote "With his rapid intuition, Zemlinsky grasped the spirit of the poem at once and showed me just what I'd done wrong. But to my dismay I realized that I'm incapable of anything better" (332). Here Alma directly stated she did not think she could improve. This total shattering of her confidence seems linked to the harsh comments of her teachers.

Even with the roadblocks listed above, Alma persisted in taking music lessons until 1901 when patriarchal control finally caught up to her. In the previous year, 1900, she had met and fallen in love with Gustav Mahler who was also a composer. He wrote her a letter demanding she give up his music and live for his alone. Upon receiving the letter she wrote "My heart missed a beat... give up my music—abandon what has until now been my life? My first reaction was — to pass him up" (462). Even with her lack of confidence, this shows how attached she was to her music. She refers to it as her life. However, the next day she changed her mind and wrote "What if I were to renounce [my music] out of love for him? Just forget all about it! I must admit that scarcely any music now interests me except his. Yes — he's right. I must live entirely for him, to make him happy" (462). The idea that she should give up her passion in order to make her fiancé and eventual husband happy is the product of her sexist times. Looking back on this decision, Alma wrote in her autobiography "that was the cause and beginning of a hard time of suffering" (Mein Leben 26). Historians debate whether Alma fully gave up composing while married to Gustav. Regardless, after struggles in their marriage, Gustav changed his mind and helped Alma publish her first collection of songs, Fünf Lieder in 1910 (Follet 29). Given the many challenges Alma faced, in addition to a flat out ban on her composing, the fact that she eventually published three song collections is a testament to her perseverance.

Musical Compositions

Fourteen of Alma's songs were published during her lifetime. Her "Fünf Lieder" were published in 1910, her "Vier Lieder" were published in 1915, and her "Fünf Gesänge" were published in 1924 (Follet 31). Those and two other songs in manuscript form, are the only compositions that have survived (Click 8-9). It is estimated there are possibly hundreds of unpublished compositions, many of which burned in the bombing of Vienna during World War 2 (Click 8).

These songs show off not only Alma's compositional prowess but also her intellectual interests. All her published compositions set poems from famous poets to music. Alma expressed interest in classic German poets as a young girl and this is clear in her choices of Dehmel, Rilke, and Bierbaum's poems (Mein Leben 18). Familiarity with poetry and the ability to craft music from their texts shows off Alma's intellectual pursuits.

Quality

As shown above, Josef and Alexander complimented her musical talent and compositions, if begrudgingly, and Mahler evidently thought Alma's music was good enough to help publish. Modern reviews of her music are difficult to find and most are tainted with the usual remarks about her romantic relationships and her "difficult" personality. These remarks are present in an article by Sarah Conolley, a singer who performed seven of Alma's Lieder. However she does speak highly of Alma's musical quality. She writes, "she has the rare gift of melody...The music is in part voluptuous, coquettish, Wagnerian in intensity and harmony, yet intimate, sensual, charming and surprising...Alma's word painting is delicate, sensual and beautiful, as is the piano writing" (Connolley). In a refreshing review of Alma's songs, that does not stray too far into her personal life, her songs are described as "chromatic, dramatic, and erotic" and Alma is praised for her "exquisite sensitivity to the poetry" (Follet 30). Given the good reception of Alma's compositions during her musical training and their current positive reception, it is fair to say that Alma deserves the title of composer.