As a staff member in Residence Life, roommate conflicts and leading a mediation to resolve them can be a more complex and difficult situation. Each roommate's situation is different and unique. Below are some resources, tips, and suggestions that may help you.
Our Standard procedures are:
RAs should encourage all residents to complete a Roommate Agreement at the beginning of the year before any issues arise.
Should a roommate conflict arise, the RA should schedule a roommate mediation to resolve issues or concerns. The HD and/or the RLC could facilitate roommate mediation if needed.
If the conflict becomes aggressive or threats of harm/self-defense are made, staff must dismiss the parties and contact the next staff level to report the situation. An incident report should be submitted.
If the conflict becomes violent, contact the UWF Police Department immediately, then contact the next staff level to report the situation. An incident report should be submitted.
Some roommate conflicts may result in a roommate agreement form being signed by all parties, while others may be resolved by one or more roommates changing rooms.
Keep a signed copy of the Roommate Agreement form in the Area Office or HDs office
Document roommate conflicts briefly with an informational Incident Report.
The Roommate Bill of Rights is a list of responsibilities of and between Housing & Residence Life residents. Enjoyment of life in a residential community will depend to a large extent on the thoughtful consideration that is demonstrated towards other residents, particularly one’s roommate(s). Residents who sign a roommate agreement need to know that these documents are not considered to be a contract and require the cooperation of all roommates in order to be successful.
The right to a reasonably clean environment.
The right to expect that each roommate(s) will respect each other’s personal belongings.
The right to study and sleep without undue disturbance from noise, guests of roommate, or similar disturbances.
The right to freely access one’s room and facilities without pressure from a roommate/suitemate.
The right to expect that guests will respect the rights of the host’s roommate(s)/suitemates and other residents. Guests and hosts are mutually responsible for the conduct of the guest, even if the term “guest” refers to another resident of Housing & Residence Life.
The right to expect reasonable cooperation and equitable use of common area appliances (microwave, fridge, etc.), cabinet space and storage, cable/internet, and other features that came with the room, suite, or apartment
The right to a fair degree of personal privacy.
The right to be free from intimidation and/or physical harm.
The right to a safe and secure living space.
The right to address issues and concerns with the University Residence Life staff. Residence Life staff are available for assistance with roommate/suitemate conflicts.
Whether the roommates say it is about the cleanliness of the room, hours someone is up, guests, or sharing of items. A roommate situation is 99% of the time about a Communication.
This could be a failure to communicate expectations, this can be how someone communicates with others, or even a failure for actions to match what was communicated.
Use the L.A.R.A. method for this conversation.
L stands for Listen. Active listening needs to be practiced, by maintaining eye contact (if appropriate), nodding your head, and showing that you are listening.
A stands for Affirm or Acknowledge. Much like active listening, this stage requires us to say something affirming like “I can understand why it’s difficult for you to talk to your roommate about this and why it is also so important to you.” Acknowledge the feelings and needs behind what is being said.
R stands for Respond. This is when we can respond to what was said – address the interests and needs that the resident brought up.
A stands for Add. This is when the we can provide additional information or options about solutions. Do not give advice or force your opinion on anyone.
Avoid just speaking with Individuals or just speaking with the entire Group.
There is a time and place for both in a mediation.
Speaking with each roommate separately throughout the entire process. Initially, this seems like a great idea because they may be too heated or timid for a face-to-face confrontation. However this can lead to roommates to come to a resolution without ever having spoken directly to each other. The problem is that their communication does not improve, and if further conflicts arise, they will not know how to deal with them.
On the flip side, another common mistake is speaking with the roommates together for the entire process. This may also seem appropriate because they can jump right into solving the conflict. However the roommates may come to a resolution, but the process may be dictated by the stronger personality in the room or it may take longer due to arguing or other emotion-filled issues (crying, ignoring, etc).
Therefore, a combination of the two options is necessary. The Resident Assistant should speak with each resident separately prior to the facilitation. Allow the resident to tell their story and their hopes as well as fears concerning the facilitation. When both roommates are available, set a location and hold the facilitated dialogue.
Think about the setting and time of the mediation.
Are you meeting in or around the thing that is triggering the roommate issues?
Are all parties awake and not feeling rushed?
Utilizing a quiet neutral spaces can sometimes be helpful.
Set ground rules for the conversation for all parties to follow.
See the Guidelines below.
Kindly point out and correct behavior if you see residents are not following the ground rules.
Use "I" statements; take responsibility.
Only one person talks at a time.
Voices should remain calm and low.
Maintain eye contact with each other. You may need to develop trust.
People should only speak about relevant facts. No innuendo or character defamation should occur.
Address specific behaviors; do not generalize.