Some abusive and unhealthy behaviors go undetected because dating relationships are new to us when entering college. They also may have been modeled for us when we were growing up or due to the normalization of relationship violence in our media. Too often our culture, popular shows, music, movies, social media, and more reinforce harmful behaviors.

While not every unhealthy relationship is considered domestic violence, it’s important for us to see the warning signs: manipulation, possessiveness, and guilting are all abusive behaviors, regardless of what our media or culture show us. Remember, domestic violence isn’t just physical. It can be emotional, financial, or sexual manipulation and control as well.

Terms like “the chase,” along with the romanticization of stalking are just a few examples of problematic messages we receive. Another example of normalized manipulation is acting the way you think someone wants you to act so that they’ll date or stay with you. Especially in college, emotional abuse can include “rage texting” (a constant barrage of messages from one partner to another), being called “crazy,” being told “if you loved me you would…,” having your partner threatening to hurt themselves if the relationship were to end, or forcing a partner to stay up all night to “argue” despite your partner’s need for sleep before a big exam. These examples all include someone using power, manipulation, threats, or coercion to control the other person – and they are all forms of abuse.

So, what should we be looking for in our partners? Even with cultural differences, we can say across the board that the foundation of a healthy relationship is equality, respect, and trust.

Aspects of healthy relationship dynamics are less spoken about in our culture and may not have been modeled for us while growing up. In order to learn even more about the ingredients that make up a healthy relationship[LR1] , look into the Consent and Healthy Relationship Prevention Education Modules, specifically “CHR 2: Healthy Relationships” on TrojanLearn.

If you or someone you know has experienced or is currently experiencing abusive behaviors from a partner, or relationship violence, you are not alone. Contact the Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention and Services (RSVP) in USC Student Health.

Our space offers a judgment-free zone on campus where you will always be supported, heard, and listened to. We’re here for you, not just during Domestic Violence Awareness Month but on an ongoing basis. Call the 213-740-WELL (9355) number 24 hours a day to connect with a confidential advocate. You can also make an appointment online through MySHR.

For today, I’ll leave you with one last message: no matter what you’re told by norms, the media, your partner, or your own inner critic, you deserve to feel like an equal, to be trusted, and to be treated with respect in every relationship you choose to have.