Out of all the assignments we’ve been assigned thus far, this was the one I was most excited about. When the guidelines and instructions were released, I knew immediately that this (as in, the self-portrait) was the option I would choose. It had fewer requirements—only two shots—simple enough, right? Two shots, me as a model, and unbound creativity to utilize—sounds like my idea of a fun time! 

But to be more candid (heh), this assignment also served as a confidence booster, to be more upfront with myself in terms of skill AND appearance. I knew I couldn’t do anything too crazy, I had neither the time, materials, nor skills, so I opted to keep things as simple as I could. Except, yet again, I did have a slight bit of help, which boosted the overall quality of my work, surprisingly so!

Due to chance, and by asking around for some favours, I was fortunately able to utilize a private photography studio for a limited amount of time (approximately 3 hours) while using borrowed camera equipment with specific limitations. The private studio was a bit strict when it came to filming, even if it was just me, a friend, and one other staff person to moderate, but I was able to get some behind-the-scenes footage. Mostly pictures because I did not expect to have enough time - on the day of shooting itself, nor for the assignment in general - to prepare a vlog due to other responsibilities. 

For transparency’s sake, I was able to borrow all that necessary equipment and utilize the studio by compensating with my services as a freelance model, as in, for personal projects. Otherwise, I completed the remainder of this assignment independently. Additionally, I strictly adhered to the guideline that only I handle the camera, which I will further elaborate on later in this entry.

Initially, I had a much clearer idea in mind, which eventually became less defined, more blurred in between the lines, as I progressed with the execution. One key element that did carry over, of which I also wanted to emphasize, was creating a contrast, particularly in the vibe. In more abstract terms, I aimed for two images to be fundamentally different yet similar - I wanted viewers to think, “Oh, there’s a common theme!” The subject, being self-portraits, was myself; the headshot versus the candid shot was intended to showcase two different aspects of my personality. Even with their contrasting parts, the images still ultimately represent me!

The headshot is not simply a more put-together or restricted version of me compared to the candid, wherein I am more free to express myself; rather, both images are authentically me. Quite a simple concept, but one I found necessary to communicate because I resist being put in a box, I refuse to be confined to the limited perception of a single identity, or so to say that one photograph alone cannot encapsulate the complexities of me as a person. 

On a deeper level, I have had conflicting perceptions of my identity versus how I’m perceived by others, specifically strangers and sometimes even those I consider to be close. This has led to various uncomfortable situations, including both positive and intentional attention as well as negative and unwanted reactions, along with the expectations placed upon me. How unfortunate it is that some individuals present themselves in a superficial and inauthentic manner, and therefore project their perceptions onto others, including myself. My personal style is somewhat distinctive within Bahrain and also relates to my cultural identity (if I had the resources and opportunities, I would’ve been interested in exploring this further). 

Dressing the way I do and having my hair in different colours (I used to wildly experiment with it), was a way of expressing myself. Yet, I sometimes didn’t feel seen as a real person, but rather as an object, a commodity, a concept. Ironic, isn’t it? I love how I dress; it's fun to put in effort, but more often than not, this is all that people see. 

I am very grateful for the fortunate opportunity to expand my photography skills. I was so surprised to be given borrowed access to a studio and professional photography equipment, thanks to personal connections. In a way, this made up for the fact that I am unable to attend F2F sessions for the course. This was also a significant advancement from my previous assignments; the upgrade in “quality” led to an equally upgraded difficulty. Simply put, it was an enjoyable and valuable experience because I was able to further apply the learnings from previous assignments, which reflected my progress. However, I recognize there is still much to learn, particularly in areas such as posing and directing subjects (in this case, myself) when I am not actively operating the camera. 

Arguably, my favourite part was coming up with the concept looks. I had initial difficulty in choosing a concept, but I managed to be resourceful with what I had. Had I more time, I might have considered choosing the alternative option for this assignment, but I'm confident in my final choice to pursue this! Additionally, working with a professional camera provided valuable hands-on experience. While I enjoy using my mobile phone camera, this opportunity has inspired me to possibly consider investing in a professional camera in the future, should I choose to continue developing my photography skills.