Endaucity

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My journey through 172 wasn't as clear cut as other courses. It wasn't a straight forward learning experience, not a constant stream of positive realizations. I was repeatedly met with brick wall after brick wall while studying, doubting my ability at every turn. I went into this with a different mindset to that of my time with Photography in 173; I went into that with a complete understanding that I was terrible at that craft, to a point of self-sabotage. But that way of thinking allowed me to be a beginner, removing any expectations and taking each failure willfully; without any fear of failure. However, this time around, I was somewhat confident, given my experience in live vocal performances and my passion for listening to different genres of music. And as a result, I feel as if I took it harder whenever I had challenges while recording or while editing; I would be disappointed in myself thoroughly each time.

This ultimately crescendo'd into the final project, where even though I was working on an adaptation of a personal project, I found it difficult to put passion and intent behind my audio decisions. This resulted in a day full of frustration and self-doubt. I will touch upon this again later down the line, but I'd first like to preface that despite this, the last 3 months have still been one of the most rewarding periods of learning I've undertaken.

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The opportunities that were associated with the volunteer group are incomparable. The studio visit alone was worth the entire course; a fire was reignited within me when the discussion shifted towards the state of Philippine Cinema. At the same time, the amount of knowledge I picked up on how the industry actually works was not only helpful, it was overwhelming. Even up until today, I still find myself processing the amount of information I gathered in one morning. Sir Mike was such an inspiring and interesting character that I feel like I could spend an entire day just listening to him and asking him questions about his knowledge on the history of media in the country. Plus, I'll take any excuse to get out of the house.

Surprisingly, the most I learned from this term was Pre-Production aspect of audio production. Furthermore, I think this in itself is a double edged sword, since while it indeed significantly improve my workflow: in arranging my ideas, prepping my mind for production and valuing audio as a key component in a multimedia project, however, this detracted from the other phases of production. Particularly, I'm still not as confident in my post-production skills as I would like to be; admittedly, I could have dedicated more of my time towards understanding the materials in this phase, but I can't help but feel like that even if I did put in more effort, there is fundamentally still too little time to hone my skills.

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I quickly brought this up in the first blog, and I apologize for repeating myself, but I truly would have benefitted from more activities or more opportunities to learn — to make mistakes. The only reason I somewhat built up some more confidence in my Production phase skills is that I applied what I learned in assignments and projects in my other courses. Even then, that simply means that I'm somewhat lucky that the courses I enrolled into this term were classes that provided me with this chance to test out my abilities. I don't think that's how it should be, I shouldn't have to rely on luck for that, the class for audio production should make me do audio production. I can understand the argument that students maybe reluctant to the idea of having more activities for this course, given the time consuming nature of audio production; but students are always reluctant to do things. Heck I can imagine myself being annoyed if I did get what I wanted, in spite of that however, as a student I would still do the assignments, and I would benefit greatly from doing so.

Again, I apologize, not only for repeating myself, but also for the somewhat aggressive tone this blog has. I don't mean it, it is simply from the frustration I mentioned earlier, and I've thought about this frustration through the course of writing this. It isn't mainly from my lack of skill, though that is part of it, I think it stems from the fact that as I go through these production courses, my confidence diminishes. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, the more overwhelmed I get with the things I have to know. In all honesty, I think the course accomplished what it sought out to do, it got me to put audio on a pedestal, to constantly be conscious of it and its quality whenever I produce a video or record a voiceover. To be critical of my mistakes, shortcomings and weaknesses; safe to say it is definitely not fun, but I can't deny it is always one of the most satisfying experiences I can have.

Just like last term with my One-Shot Summary [this is becoming a theme], although I attributed this realization and humbling to the course itself, the man I should really be showing gratitude towards is Prof. Al Librero. Despite disagreeing with how the course is currently designed, I cannot dismiss the fact that he and the course itself did teach me something — something I'll consider with each of my future productions.

Thank you Sir Al.

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