What To Do 

1. Say Words of Affirmation

• Affirm your child with their identity, not only with words but with actions as well. You may say something simple, like “I am proud of you for being true to yourself,” or “I love you, and that will never change.” 

2. Stay Calm and Present 

• Even if you are surprised, remember not to panic or respond with fear or judgment. Remember that your child has probably taken the time to build courage to tell this to you.

• Avoid saying, “Are you sure?”, “Baka confused ka lang!”

• Instead, take a deep breath and let your child talk.  

3. Listen, Listen, and Listen 

• Give your child the space to share and come out to you. Let them talk at their own pace.

• Avoid jumping in with your judgments and opinions right away.

4. Learn about the Basics! 

• It is okay if you don’t know about everything, especially when it comes to bisexuality. What is important is that you choose to learn. Educate yourself about bisexuality, in case you are confused or unfamiliar with it. Try to understand the perspective of your child and the experiences they face.

5. Ask How You Can Support Them 

• Coming out is deeply personal, and every child’s needs are different. Ask them directly what they need: “Do you want this to stay between us for now?” 

6. Be Visible in Your Support! 

• The next step to affirming your child is to show it in ways they can see and feel. Be visible in your support! You can use inclusive language, using “your future partner” instead of assuming the gender of their partner.

• Correct others firmly when they make insensitive remarks. 

• Celebrate LGBTQIA+ events together, maybe by attending a pride march with your child!

7. Respect Their Privacy 

• Remember that even if they are ‘out’ to you doesn’t mean that they are ‘out’ to others. Don’t ‘out’ them to others, even if they are close family, without their direct, explicit consent.

What Not To Do

1. Do Not Dismiss Their Identity  

• Avoid saying, “It’s just a phase.” “Bata ka palang.” 

• These statements invalidate your child’s feelings and can make them feel ignored. 

2. Do Not Pressure Them To “Prove” It 

• Instead of saying, “But you’ve only dated boys/girls.” “Sure ka ba na bisexual ka if wala kang jowa ngayon?”, trust that your child knows who they are. 

3. Do Not Out Them Without Consent 

• Telling other family members or your friends can break the trust between you and your child, and expose them to risk and judgment. Instead, ask your child if it is okay to share their gender identity with others, “Is this something you want to share with others? Or would you like to keep it private for now?” 

4. Do Not Use Religion or Culture to Shame Them 

• Do not use religion and culture to invalidate their identity, “Hindi ka namin pinalaki ng ganyan”, “Walang ganyan sa Bibliya”, or “Pigilan mo na nga ang bisexual na iyan.”

• These statements are very shameful and hurt your child emotionally. Instead, focus on providing unconditional love and understanding where they are coming from, even if you are still working through your beliefs. Remember, do not judge immediately. 

5. Do Not Ignore or Pretend That Nothing Happened 

• Silence can hurt as much as rejection. Avoid acting like it was a “phase” that didn’t happen. Instead, bring it up with love, ask how they are feeling or if they want to talk more about it.

The SOGIESC, which stands for Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression, and Sex Characteristics, is a framework that understands the variety of an individual’s gender, sexuality, and expression. 

Sexual Orientation refers to an individual’s emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to people of different gender, the same gender, or more than one gender. It is about who you are attracted to. 

For example… 

• A heterosexual individual is straight, meaning that they are attracted to the opposite gender 

• A homosexual individual is attracted to the same gender (gay or lesbian) 

• A bisexual individual is attracted to both men and woman 

• An asexual individual does not experience sexual attraction to anyone

• A pansexual individual is attracted to people of all genders, regardless of their sex and gender identity. 

Gender Identity refers to a person’s internal and individual experience of gender that may or may not align with their sex assigned at birth. It is about who you are inside. 

An individual may be a… 

• Cisgender or an individual whose internal experience of gender aligns with their assigned sex at birth (cis man, cis woman)

• Transgender or an individual who transitioned into a gender different from their biological sex (trans man, trans woman) 

• Non-binary or an individual whose gender identity falls outside the traditional categories of male and female 

Gender Expression refers to the external aspects of a person, how you present yourself through clothing, behavior, haircut, names, pronouns, or voice. An individual may or may not conform to their gender identity or to socially defined behaviors and characteristics. It is about how you show your gender.

A person may present themselves as… 

• Masculine, such as having short hairstyles and a deep voice

• Feminine, such as wearing dresses, makeup, and long hair

• Androgynous or blending together masculine and feminine traits, such as wearing gender-neutral clothing and ambiguous hairstyle and makeup

• Fluid, meaning that one’s style changes over time, such as looking more masculine today but dressing more feminine tomorrow. 

Sex Characteristics refer to the biological and physical traits based on chromosomes, external and internal genitalia (sex organs), secondary sex traits, and hormone levels. It is about the characteristics you are born with. 

• Some people are intersex, meaning that they are born with natural reproductive anatomy that does not fit strictly into the criteria of female or male; they simply possess both biological and physical characteristics of females and males. 

Taking all these together, there is a unique interaction between an individual’s sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, and their sex characteristics. For example, I introduce you to our friend, Malaya! Malaya is a bisexual teenager who identifies as non-binary, dresses fluidly, and is assigned female at birth.

Bolilan, J. S., Gimutao, R. S., Punongbayan, A. P. S., & Locsing, M. M. (2021). Coming Out: The Lived Experiences of Bisexual Young Adults in Concealing their Sexual Orientation. Dangal Research Journal, 3(1). https://ejournals.ph/article.php?id=22904

Bolilan et al. (2021) looked into the lived experiences of six bisexual young adults in the City of Cabuyao, Laguna, in concealing their sexual orientation. Through this, they delve deeper to understand why these young adults choose not to come out, how it affects them, particularly their mental health, and how they cope with it. Moreover, this study identified eight major themes that describe their experiences in further detail. These include the bisexual young adults’ view of self, self-realization, self-understanding, reasons for concealment, challenges in concealment, coping mechanisms, ambivalence, and hope.

Macam, R. P. A., Pagay, L. C. G., & Pelaez, J. L. (2024). “Pwede Both?”: A Phenomenological Study on the Visibility of Filipino Bisexuals within Interpersonal Relationships. https://animorepository.dlsu.edu.ph/conf_shsrescon/2024/paper_ghi/8/

Macam, Pagay, & Pelaez (2024) looked into the experiences of bisexual youth in the Philippines and found the negative effects of monosexism and the country’s traditional culture in their experience of bisexuality within their close relationships. Monosexist and traditional beliefs often made them feel as if their identities were invisible and unaccepted by most, being outcasts among heterosexuals and homosexuals. The lack of awareness on bisexuality also negatively impacted their relationships with others. The invalidation of their identities has then resulted in them only selectively coming out to those they know they can trust, limiting spaces in which they feel safe in.

Marzan, C. A. (2024). Social stigma, praxis and intersectionality perspectives among lesbians, gays, and bisexuals and their parents. International Journal of Arts, Sciences and Education, 5(2), 191–202. https://ijase.org/index.php/ijase/article/view/355/244 

Marzan (2024) explores how Filipino parents of LGB children in Cabatuan, Isabela, negotiate acceptance and social stigma, emphasizing the roles of education, family dynamics, and religion. The findings reveal that parental acceptance is shaped by educational priorities, family influence (i.e., openness because of the presence of other LGBTQIA+ family members), and religious and cultural tensions. Particularly, the article highlights that parents often emphasize academic success as a protective factor against social stigma, whereas other parents struggle accepting their children’s identities due to conflicting religious beliefs. 

Monteza, M. R. (2022). Coming out of the closet: LGBT experiences. Asian Journal of Advanced Multidisciplinary Researches, 2(3), 2782–9057. https://msubuug.edu.ph/journal/vol2issue3/AJAMR092022004-Monteza.pdf 

Monteza (2022) investigates the coming-out experiences of LGBT individuals in Zamboanga Sibugay. Findings reveal that participants commonly faced difficulties such as family rejection and social discrimination, which negatively impacted their mental and emotional well-being. However, some also experienced acceptance from peers and other family members, which fostered feelings of liberation and self-esteem. Coping mechanisms varied, including journaling and emotional distancing from discrimination.

Geonanga, K. E. G. (2018). Formation of identity and sexual orientation of young Filipino bisexuals: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. Asia-Pacific Social Science Review, 18(1), 3. https://doi.org/10.59588/2350-8329.1145 

Geonanga (2018) looked into how Filipino bisexual youth came to the realization and acceptance of their bisexuality. It was found that the formation of their bisexual identity occurs in stages. Furthermore, it was seen how the participants believed that their bisexuality was a result of biological and environmental factors. Aside from this, other factors that contributed to their acceptance of themselves and their identity formation were found, which included their peers and family, highlighting the important role of interpersonal relationships for LGBTQ+ individuals.

Go, C. M., Dela Cruz, D. K. B., & Rungduin, T. T. (2024). “We Do Not Need to Hide”: Coming Out Narratives of Filipino Bisexual Individuals. Journal of Bisexuality, 25(1), 1–41. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299716.2024.2377395 

Go et al. (2024) investigated the experiences of ten bisexual Filipinos aged 18 to 29 living in Mega Manila. They focused on these people's experiences discovering their sexuality, their coming out process, the positive and negative aspects, as well as the challenges they faced, particularly biphobia and bi-invisibility, and how they overcame them. They also studied how it affected their relationships, noting the differences before and after coming out. Finally, it discusses how bisexuals in the Philippines are still stigmatized and underrepresented as a result of inconsistent perceptions of them, focusing solely on gays and lesbians within the LGBTQ+ community.