Member Posts
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Ace Week 2020 by Christa Ventresca
This year, Ace Week falls on October 25th-31st, and it is a time to celebrate asexuality and promote awareness of asexuality and the asexual community.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is defined as someone who does not experience sexual attraction. It is a sexual orientation similar to heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, or others, and as a result it falls within the LGBTQ+ community. Asexuals are not drawn to others in a sexual manner, and do not feel the need to act upon their attraction in a sexual way. Many asexuals shorten the term to “ace” when referring to the asexual community (hence Ace Week).
This is distinct from celibacy, which is a choice and a specific behavior rather than an identity. Since action is separate from attraction, asexuals can be celibate/abstain from sex, or they can have sex as much as they want. (Asexuals can and do have sex for various reasons, including having children, pleasure, or any other reason.)
Asexuality, in addition to being a specific sexual orientation, is also an umbrella term for many people who do not feel that they experience sexual attraction in a conventional way. This can include gray-sexuals, who feel that they fall within the gray area between being asexual and not asexual, and demi-sexuals, who only feel sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond with another person. Individuals who use these labels are still part of the asexual community!
How is this different from aromanticism?
Often asexuality will be confused with aromanticism. Aromantics are individuals who do not experience romantic attraction (often shortened to “aro”). They can be asexual as well as aromantic or not. This distinction between sexual and romantic attraction is outlined with the Split Attraction Model. This model is essentially the idea that people can be attracted to others in a variety of ways, and the orientations corresponding to each form of attraction can all be different. So someone can be asexual and biromantic, or aromantic and pansexual, or asexual and aromantic (“aroace”).
The distinction between experiencing sexual and romantic attraction can be unclear at best and is often up to the individual. Frequently sexual attraction is described as a physical attraction to another person and to have sex with them while romantic attraction is a desire to go on dates and to do romantic activities with them. If you are questioning what you are feeling, plenty more has been written on this subject and can be found under “Resources.”
Why does this matter?
In contemporary society, we are frequently inundated with sexual imagery and content. This is most evident in advertising and other media, but it can also be found in every aspect of modern culture. To compound this, asexuality is frequently overlooked within sex ed in school. As a result, people who are asexual often feel broken or deficient until they figure out that this orientation exists and that there are others like them who feel similarly. So understanding and promoting awareness of asexuality helps people understand and accept themselves.
Additionally, awareness of asexuality helps individuals who do not themselves identify as ace. The image of a healthy adult individual we are presented with is often one where the person is in a sexually active, monogamous relationship. This image excludes not only asexuals, who may want a relationship but not sex, but also aromantics, who may not want a relationship, and polyamorous individuals, who may form healthy relationships with multiple people. Not to mention that the pressure to get to this point where you are in a stable, monogamous relationship harms even people who may want. They may feel rushed to get to this point and end up in unhealthy relationships. Therefore, asexual awareness can help everyone to feel less pressured to fit their life into this specific mold.
How can I be an ally of the asexual community?
1. Be mindful of your humor. Avoid making jokes about virgins or people with low sex drives. So much of our culture’s emphasis on sex and expectations around sex come from jokes people make.
2. Do not interact with children with a specific sexuality in mind, or even assume that they will be interested in dating. For example, do not ask young boys if they have any girlfriends, and stop asking when someone is going to get married and have kids. These ideas about sex are instilling every early on in someone’s lifetime, and raising kids to be more open about their sexuality will help them to be more accepting of themselves and others later on.
3. Realize that different identities are stereotyped differently with regards to their sexuality (ie. Black people are sexualized, Asians are fetishized, disabled individuals are assumed to be asexual, etc) and work to challenge that in your life. Our understanding of asexuality and sexual orientations needs to be intersectional and take the whole individual into account.
4. Understand the Split Attraction Model and the different ways individuals can be attracted to each other. Additionally, do not assume that someone's sexual orientation is the same as their romantic orientation. Any way someone wants to identify or label themselves is valid.
5. Support political candidates who value and work to elevate voices within the LGBTQ+ community. Asexuals and aromantics are a part of the larger LGBTQ+ community, and supporting the queer community supports the asexual community.