Summary:
Homer's plan to set off illegal fireworks fails spectacularly.
Transcript
Homer: Ah. I bet this place sells illegal fireworks. Just go in and act casual like you buy 'em all the time.
Hi. Um- Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields... and some illegal fireworks... and one of those disposable enemas- no, make it two.
Clerk: My apologies, sir, but the sale of fireworks... is prohibited in this state and is punishable by- Follow me.
Any red-blooded, flag-fearing American would love... the M-320. Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.
***
Kid 1 Pretty cool of your mom to let us hang out here.
Kid 2: Totally. Not like my mom. She'd be butting in with Rice Krispies squares and Tang.
Kid 1: My dad's all stoked 'cause today's the Fourth of July. He woke me up at dawn to take a loyalty oath.
Kid 3: Ugh. My mom's French, so we only celebrate Bastille Day.
Lisa: Well, we could do something fun. Um, how 'bout a beach party?
Kid 1: Oh, great idea, Lise. Hey, I know where there's a beach!
Kid 2: I know where we could get some baguettes.
Marge: Gee, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer... but count me out. Didn't you buy any meat?
Homer: This baby's sure to kill something. Okay now, everybody. Stand back while I celebrate freedom! Bart, give me your matches.
Bart: Fresh out.
Homer: No lighter? Nothing?
Oh! Wait.
I got it. D'oh! The beer!
Act casual: pretend like things are normal.
Note reduction of "them."
Homer buys a series of rather embarrassing items. Note that he mumbles "illegal fireworks." He tries to casually slip it in to the list.
patriotic
butting in: interrupting
Rice Krispies and tang: snacks and orange drink
excited
A promise to be faithful to America
Marge notices that many of Homer's purchases are of a sexual nature. Count me out: I don't want to join you.
Bomb
I just ran out.
[While trying to light the firework with the stove's burner, Homer burns off the wick. He runs desperately all around the kitchen looking for a safe place to put it. He first shoves it in the refrigerator but then panics when he realizes that it will destroy the beer when it explodes. At the last second, he puts it in the dishwasher and ducks and covers. It goes off with a loud bang. A black, sooty ooze bubbles up out of the drain.]
Now you practice:
Choose
1) Write three sentences using new vocabulary words from this clip.
2) What could Homer have done more intelligently? How could he have prevented this disaster? Write a paragraph explaining the mistakes that he made. Use "would have" and "could have."
3) How does July 4th compare to a holiday in your country.
Email your scenario to jpenna@udel.edu for this week's Simpson's practice.