Building Your Container

Creating a place to hold what you aren't ready to work with right now

Sometimes a thought, memory, worry, or feeling shows up when you do not have the time, space, or emotional capacity to give it your full attention. You may be trying to sleep, get through your workday, take care of your family, or simply give your nervous system a break.

The Container Exercise is a visualization that gives you a way to temporarily set something aside with the intention of returning to it when you have more support or capacity.

This exercise is often taught as part of EMDR therapy, but you do not need to be doing EMDR to use it. Think of it as practicing the ability to store the thoughts, memories, or emotions away in your brain so they aren't at the forefront of your mind.

Create Your Container

Start by imagining some kind of container that could securely hold whatever you might need to put away for a while. It can be something familiar, like a safe, a locked box, a filing cabinet, or a heavy chest, or it can be something completely made up. I've had clients come up with all kinds of containers, and there really isn't a right one.

Spend a little time figuring out what would make yours feel secure. What is it made of? How does it open and close? Does it have a key, a combination, a password, or something else entirely? Where would you keep it? You can make it as ordinary or elaborate as you want. Since we're working with imagination, you also don't have to worry about whether it could exist in real life.

What matters is that when you picture closing it, you have a sense that whatever you put inside can stay there until you decide to open it again.

My Container

Take a moment to make your container a little more concrete. You can write a few words below, or draw it if that works better for you.

My container looks like: ______________________________

It is located: _______________________________________

It opens and closes by: ______________________________

What makes it feel secure: ____________________________

When I want to return to something, I will: ______________

One small thing I can practice putting inside: _____________

After I practiced, I noticed:

☐ More distance from the thought

☐ Less tension in my body

☐ It was easier to return to the present

☐ Not much changed yet

☐ Something else: __________________________

Practice With Something Small

The first time you try this, don't start with the hardest thing you've ever experienced. Choose something that has been taking up a little too much space in your mind: an annoying interaction from earlier in the day, something you need to remember tomorrow, or a worry that keeps circling even though there isn't anything you can do about it right now.

Notice how your mind represents that thought. Maybe you picture writing it on a piece of paper and putting the paper inside. Maybe it becomes a photograph, an object, a file, or something else. You don't have to be particularly good at visualization. You can simply imagine that the thought is going into the container.

Once it's inside, close the container in whatever way you designed it to close. Then give yourself a few seconds to notice what happens. You aren't looking for the thought to vanish. See whether there is even a little more distance between you and whatever was taking up so much of your attention.

“I'm Coming Back to This”

This part is important. Putting something in the container doesn't mean that you're pretending it didn't happen or deciding that you shouldn't feel what you feel. You're choosing to come back to it at a time when you have more capacity to deal with it.

Sometimes it helps to be specific about that. If something comes up between therapy sessions, you might mentally label it “for therapy” before putting it away. If your brain starts going through tomorrow's problems at midnight, you might decide, “I'll come back to this in the morning.”

There is a difference between telling your brain we are never thinking about this again and telling it I hear you, and we're going to deal with this later. The second tends to be much easier for the brain to accept.

If It Doesn't Stay in the Container

Sometimes you put something away and five minutes later there it is again. That doesn't mean you did the exercise wrong.

You might need to spend a little more time making the container feel secure, or you may need to put the thought back in a few times. You can change the container completely if the first version doesn't work for you.

It is also worth paying attention when something really does not want to stay contained. If a memory or feeling keeps pushing its way back into your awareness, especially if it is very distressing, that may be something that needs more attention rather than a stronger lock. If you're in therapy, make a note to bring it with you to your next session.

Come Back to Where You Are

After you've closed the container, take a moment to reconnect with the room around you. Feel where your body is supported by the chair, couch, or bed. Notice your feet against the floor if they're touching it. Look around and take in a few things you can see.

Then check in with yourself. You may feel noticeably different, or the change may be very small. Either is okay. What we're practicing is the ability to notice that something has come up, decide that now isn't the time to work through it, and bring our attention back to the present.

Practice Between Sessions

If you've already created a container with me or another therapist, this is a good exercise to practice between sessions. You don't have to wait until you're really overwhelmed to use it. In fact, practicing with smaller things is often the best way to make the container familiar enough that it's available when you actually need it.

You can also revisit your container from time to time. Maybe the one you created months ago still works perfectly. Maybe you realize it needs to be bigger, stronger, farther away, or easier to access. It belongs to you, so you can change it as you need to.

Containment and Avoidance Are Different

The container is meant to help you pause something, not permanently bury it.

There are times when setting something aside is exactly what you need. There are also things that continue showing up because they need attention, understanding, grieving, problem-solving, or processing. Part of using this skill is learning the difference.

If you find yourself putting the same thing into the container over and over because you're afraid of what will happen if you look at it, that's useful information. It may be time to bring it into therapy rather than continuing to carry it by yourself.

If You Don't Visualize Easily

Some people can close their eyes and see an elaborate safe in incredible detail. Other people don't really see pictures in their minds at all. Both can use this exercise.

You can describe your container to yourself, draw it, write down what it would be like, or use an actual box as a physical reminder. You can also skip the image altogether and simply practice the idea of “I'm setting this aside until I'm ready to come back to it.”

The important part is the intentional pause, rather than how clearly you can picture the container.

Prefer Something You Can Touch?

If imagining a container doesn't work particularly well for you, try making one.

Find a box, jar, envelope, or other container that you can close. Write down the thought or worry that's taking up too much space right now, fold the paper, and physically place it inside.

You can come back to it when you're ready. For some people, physically putting something away is helpful.

Something to Notice

After you use your container, give yourself a moment before moving on. Notice whether the thought feels as close as it did before, whether your body has settled at all, and whether it's easier to put your attention back on whatever is in front of you.

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