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Unfiltered Testimonials from TCNJ Students on the Realities of Mental Health in College

Trigger Warning: Content on this page may be triggering or sensitive material for some viewers.

TCNJ senior

I find myself losing sleep whenever the semester gets stressful and wake up with a lot of anxiety in the middle of the night. This happens especially if I have a big assignment coming up or during busy times like midterms and finals. I get very overwhelmed and often get very emotional and will have a breakdown crying, I end up having to call my mom in the middle of the night and having her talk me down. For a very long time time I thought this was normal, as college is hard but I realize t is is not and it is related to academics as that is always my number one worry and it only happens while I am in school.

Anonymous

When I told people I was abused 1/2 of my close friends didn’t believe me because my boyfriend was well liked and they thought I was exaggerating aspects of what happened to me. So now when I tell people I get really nervous because I don’t want to spill my guts and have someone say I’m a liar .

Went to therapy wasn’t ashamed I needed help and my parents supported me .

Went to AVI for about a year for therapy until I found another therapist in my town that insurance covered.

TCNJ senior, female student

TCNJ is a perfectionist centered place. I finally let up on my unrealistic expectations but throughout college I would accomplish great grades at the expense of my own health. Just overwhelming anxiety, like every assignment was an example of my personal worth...There are a lot of things I need to work towards personally but I’m trying to make an effort to exercise, do yoga, and mediate. Self care is a lot harder than it may seem and my coping mechanisms aren’t the best. As a graduating senior, I don’t want to carry this negative coping mechanisms with me.

Anonymous

[Like] many others with mental health issues, it is incredibly difficult for me to open up to people other than my psychiatrist out of fear that [I] am placing a burden on them.

[I] have not used mental health services at the college, but have past experience reaching out for help.

Female Nursing Student

I have been hospitalized for depression and anxiety in high school.

Anonymous

I’m pretty open with my friends, but I resist telling them too much because I fear I’ll be a burden on them and I should just deal with my problems on my own. I also am not very comfortable with talking to my parents about mental health because it always becomes a big spectacle.

I have utilized the caps services and had a good experience, and now I go to therapy near my house. Sometimes I feel like it’s working, sometimes I don’t.

TCNJ Public health student

[I] wasn’t diagnosed but I definitely restricted food intake in an unhealthy manner and exercised excessively to burn the calories off that I did consume.

ANONYMOUS

I am very open to discussing the topic of mental health with family and friends. In terms of my own mental health, I find it easier to discuss how I am feeling with people who are empathetic and can potentially relate to those feelings.

I have been referred to Mental Health Services on campus, and I have had a positive experience reaching out for help.

RK

I am diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder with a panic disorder and OCD.

I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.

tnm

i was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety, and I began taking medication, which has helped immensely. The next time I had to use a major adjustment was after the car accident in 2018 that killed a student in my class. I was scared and anxious to leave the house, drive a car, or be outside after dark. It took a lot of therapy and medication adjustments to get me back to a safe mental health space...After my anxiety began worsening sophomore year after adjusting to college, I began attending group therapy on campus for students with anxiety. It’s a great resource and support system.

QC

I was diagnosed with PTSD after suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of repeated sexual assault/abuse as a child. Being a man, I had a hard time coming to grips with it.

a tcnj nursing major

I often times find myself comparing my grades, achievements and accomplishments to others. It’s been something that I’ve been working on not doing but I find that my main source of academic anxiety is not doing as well as others around me.

I find it easier to talk about these things with my friends more so than my parents. I find that with my parents there’s still this generational stigma almost of just brushing these types of things under the rug

SP

When I used to speak with my parents about my anxiety and going to the school therapist they would yell at me and make me feel uncomfortable and inadequate when talking about myself. I would take time before they actually allowed me to see the therapy but I'm still uncomfortable sharing my problems...I feel fine speaking with a medical professional [now], especially since I know that they are there to help.

BTB

I was in two car accidents...I just now a very paranoid of other cars and my chest tightens and I feel like I can't breathe whenever I'm near where I got hit or if I see headlights.

[Also] whenever I have a test no matter if its a quiz or a major exam. I get stressed so bad and my mind is all over the place. I can't breathe.

[My family] just [doesn't] take those things seriously. With my African American family, mental disorder aren't a real thing, unlike physical disorders.

Senior English Secondary Education major

[I had an] eating disorder for 4 years from 8th grade to junior year of high school, active binging and purging, had inpatient treatment, possibly a negative coping mechanism to avoid certain feelings mixed with genetic influences (mom’s side of family) and weight gain that came with puberty. [Now] fully recovered :-).

Anonymous

About discussing [mental health] with friends/family- my mom shared with my sister and [I] very recently that she has been on anti depressants for a few years; once that conversation opened, things have been more comfortable to discuss

Anonymous

I used to get anxiety attacks while driving past bicyclists after a family friend was hit by a car and killed while biking. One was so bad I had to pull over because I couldn't see clearly. I've had panic attacks at least since middle school though I haven't had one in a while thankfully.

if you've met me, you can guess

As someone with a combination of ADHD, anxiety, and depression, academics can be a vicious cycle. Things are forgotten, [procrastinated] about, or not started due to executive dysfunction. As a result, I fall behind. The work piles up, and my brain shuts down trying to triage everything. I get anxious about how late [everything] is, and start to worry I'm not up for it or even good enough to try. So I become further paralyzed or discouraged, and the work continues to not get done.

On a social level, I'm lucky to now have a wonderful support network, and we all make sure that we are staying well and not overexterting, but still getting things done. We're constantly there for each other, even now when we are unable to be together physically. In high school I didn't have many reliable school friends, and struggled through an abusive relationship and the suicide of an online friend as well, while also dealing with the isolation which accompanied coming out as non binary in 2015. I also developed trichotillomania at [school] there, and my depression became more evident. Now my friends and I are constantly connected.

Persephone

I have anxiety, some OCD intrusive thought patterns, and PTSD.

When society very often links your worth as a human being to your academic and/or work performance and your output under capitalism, it's very difficult to not be affected by that link, even if you know it isn't right or "real" (i.e., that's not the truth). I have several mental illnesses (as noted above) and disabilities that have changed quickly and significantly over the past two years, partially in response to trauma. It took me a long time to not feel terrible for the dip my academics were taking even though it was mostly out of my control; honestly, the fact that I still sometimes can't complete assignments or do the ambitious stuff I want to do (I LOVE theoretical stuff and really want to go into an academic field) absolutely makes me feel like shit. Again, especially at TCNJ, where (semi-understandably) the first concern is keeping your grades up, even if it's literally killing some of us.

I've had a therapist since I was 12. Without one I would be dead. I've had a psychiatrist for about a year; he's helped a lot.

CAPS told me I was too sick to treat. AVI counseling and the Clinic (CIW) have both been fantastic for me.

A Female TCNJ Student

Although I don't have a formal diagnosis on my medical records, I have struggled with depression since I was in middle school. For a short time I also struggled with passive suicidal ideation. Insert trigger warning. I used to self-harm, specifically, I used to cut myself on my upper thighs where I could hide it. I think its been roughly 2 years since I last cut myself. I find it hard to write about let alone talk about it with anyone. My immediate family and my significant other are aware/know about it.

For me, it's never easy to discuss my own mental health but I also trust my family and my significant other. I have one close friend who sort of knows about it. I mostly avoid mental health discussions unless its about self-care or someone else because its easier to talk about that than my own experiences.

EH

The most notable thing about my anxiety is having an Excoriation disorder. Although my skin picking began when I was very young around second grade, my anxious thoughts and teeth chattering began my freshman year of high school. It usually happens on my fingers but some times on my scalp as well. It's super embarrassing when someone asks why I'm bleeding or what happened to my hands but it's so impulsive and doing it for so long I don't know how to stop. Of course, it gives signs to my brain of relief, but I never stop doing it and all I feel at the end is pain...

This semester I had a mental breakdown and being a commuter I had no place to go, all my friends were busy, I tried crying in the bathroom but my breakdown was really really bad...It was a Friday around 1:30 pm, an emotional mess I tried AVI, their office was closed and no one was there. I was like,..."All AVI talks about is how it's such a 'safe place to talk' and 'a safe space for everyone' and their office was just dead the moment I really needed them. But I've been working with the team who is trying to build up the new program, AM I OK, and went to their office where I met a counselor there and talked about everything I was feeling.

Anonymous

Because I did really well in academics as a kid all through high school, I started basing my worth off of academics. Now that I'm in college and my mental health issues have gotten worse, it's harder for me to do well, which in turn exacerbates my mental illnesses.

I have severe recurrent major depressive disorder. I've been depressed for over ten years. More than half of my life, and the older I've gotten, the worse it's become. It's incredibly hard to get out of bed in the morning...It hurts my ability to work and my ability to learn. My grades were great for a while, but my depression got much worse, and my grades tanked. It's frustrating to have to work so much harder than my peers and still fall behind.

I can share my mental health issues with my friends because a lot of them have experienced similar feelings, neuroses, and thought processes in some form or another.

I don't usually talk to my family in depth about it because they've never experienced anything like that, so they don't understand, or they think I'm exaggerating how bad it is.

I have a psychiatrist, and I've done therapy in the past. Therapy didn't help, and my last psychiatrist was, in a word, horrible. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist now, and it's better so far.

Anonymous

[I] probably [have] anorexia, never diagnosed.

AVI is a blessing!

[I have accessed] CAPS, the clinic, and AVI.

JUNIOR HISTORY MAJOR

I’m more comfortable in talking about mental with my friends rather then my family. My friends understand it better while my parents don’t really understand it.

A TCNJ Senior

Academic anxiety played a large part in my hospitalization for suicidal ideation in my sophomore year of high school and practically the sole part in my hospitalization, also for suicidal ideation, in my sophomore year of college.

My family sometimes makes my issues all about them - one example being my father driving to my school to talk to me when I was feeling low, not because it would make me feel better, but because it would make him feel better - but my various peer groups have been hugely supportive.

Anonymous

I was diagnosed with GAD in March of this year...I was diagnosed with depression in March of this year...[I also have experience with] Bulimia.

My professors don’t seem to understand that my panic responses don’t stem from just being a college student. It’s a struggle.

My family blames themselves for my neuroses, which makes it hard for me to want to disclose this information with people, even if they are my friends.

I recognized I needed therapy, and reached out to a mental health clinic.

I used their [TCNJ's] outpatient services to find my therapy clinic.

Anonymous

I get anxiety when I don't know what is going on around me, so during this pandemic, I have had multiple panic attacks.

Tests, specifically standardized tests were always my worst anxiety inducer. Big tests like these would become so daunting and I would lose track of what question I was on because I was just trying to calm down my head.

Depression: comes in phases. It was so bad a one point I was suicidal, but I am ok now. I'm gaining control of my depression, but again with this pandemic-the isolation, the not knowing, and break in old routines is making it difficult to remain level headed.

[I don't talk to my family about my mental health because] I'm the black sheep of my family. No one is really like me, so no one would understand.

Anonymous

I’ve had cyclical depression for about a year, but wasn’t diagnosed until I started going to therapy at the TCNJ Clinic in October 2019.

I feel comfortable discussing mental health as a whole, but not my own mental health outside of my best friends.

Anonymous

With the school’s rigorous course load, [I] always feel the need to do extremely well in classes...[It] has caused me academic anxiety to the point where [I] now attend therapy weekly to cope with my coursework.

Anonymous

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and severe separation anxiety at a very young age. Have suffered panic and anxiety attacks for my entire life off and on. Later diagnosed with mild CPTSD.

Spent 4 weeks in outpatient therapy for PTSD.

Getting close to a deadline causes panic, sometimes to the point that causes a deer in headlights effect where I freeze for several minutes.

Went to CAPS during my [sophomore] year during a family crisis where my dad had cheated on my mom. I couldn't handle it and they helped me get to a more stable point.

A TCNJ Sophomore

I often become super overwhelmed and cannot focus on work at that state. It causes me to have trouble sleeping and to have nightmares.

I feel the pressure of being perfect and not letting people know that I am struggling. I’d rather help other people with their problems then poor mine onto them.

Anonymous

I had anxiety as a young kid around 9 years old

Anonymous

Yes I have struggled with anxiety since middle school. It started with social problems and emetephobia.

I find that I am usually comfortable [talking about my mental health with friends and family], but if I am not in the right place myself talking about other people’s mental health triggers me.

My parents do not support getting help from a professional unless it is very serious, so I sort of applied it to myself. I also do not enjoy talking about myself too much.

Anonymous

[I have experience with] mild anxiety [and] very minimal bulimia nervosa about 6 years ago.

I want to be the tough one. I have family who struggle with mental health.

I have gone and will if I feel like I need it.

I experienced anxiety and dating violence so I attended mental health services for one semester.

anONYMOUS

I used to get extreme almost crippling anxiety from presentations

anONYMOUS

CAPS changed the course of my life. In my freshman year, my CA suggested going to cope with some anxiety and sadness I was experiencing. I received the validation that I needed to start my healing journey; I was finally able to confirm that I was not overexaggerating to myself; that I did in fact have depression, GAD and OCD.

Being able to recognize that in myself and being given the tools to cope and heal that my counselor granted me has shaped me into the person I am today. I would simply not be where I am without that help. I am forever grateful.

Click Here For More Info on Resources!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY.

"About 1 in 3 undergraduates identify as having some type of diagnosed mental health problem... It is common for college students to conceal mental health problems and not seek a formal diagnosis. Students may avoid self-disclosing because of the strong stigma associated with having a mental health diagnosis," (Woodhead, Chin-Newman, Spink, Hoang, & Smith).

There is no shame in reaching out for help. Research proves that disclosing experiences allows one to begin healing and lead a healthier life. There are more people that can empathize with us than our minds allow us to belief. Visit our Resources page for more information.

Hear Our LIONs Roar

Unfiltered Testimonials from TCNJ Students on the Realities of Mental Health in College

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