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Conflict Resolution

October in Colorado is Conflict Resolution Month

For more on Conflict Resolution Month, please visit www.conflictresolutionmonth.org.

Historically, the Colorado Legislature, Governor’s Office and Colorado Municipalities have proclaimed October as the month of the year to recognize that there are methods and processes that can be used in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict and retribution. Our Spotlight this month focuses on how conflict resolution can be used in the context of living in an HOA.

Alternative Dispute Resolution – What is Mediation?

The Mediation Association of Colorado describes mediation as a process that brings parties together to resolve their differences through discussion and problem-solving. The goal is to achieve "win-win" solutions. The mediator is a neutral third party who helps facilitate the dialogue but is not the final decision-maker, arbitrator, or judge. Mediation can resolve disputes quickly and satisfactorily without the expense, delay and anxiety of litigation.

A joint resolution passed by the State’s Senate in 2017 recognizes October as Conflict Resolution Month in Colorado. This resolution acknowledges that conflict resolution encompasses many forms of responses to differences, including mediation. It goes on to state that community-based conflict resolution programs are effective in strengthening local relationships by fairly and equitably resolving neighborhood and community conflicts and opening community dialogues based on reason and mutual respect.

This would not be the first time the Colorado General Assembly has encouraged alternative dispute resolution, also known as ADR. In section 38-33.3-124 of the Colorado Common Interest Ownership Act (“CCIOA”), the General Assembly states that the cost, complexity, and delay inherent in court proceedings make litigation a particularly inefficient means of resolving neighborhood disputes. Furthermore, the legislature specifically encourages common interest communities (“HOAs”) to adopt protocols that make use of mediation or arbitration as alternatives to, or preconditions upon, the filing of a complaint between a unit owner and association in situations that do not involve an imminent threat to the peace, health, or safety of the community.

This encouragement, along with the requirement in section 38-33.3-209.5(1)(VIII) that HOAs adopt policies and procedures for addressing disputes arising between the association and unit owners, lend support to the idea that associations and homeowners should engage in ADR as an effective means of resolving differences. Mediation and other methods of ADR are more cost effective than traditional litigation and frequently result in more acceptable outcomes for all parties involved.

De-Escalation Tips for Conflict Resolution

As we observe Conflict Resolution Month here in Colorado, the HOA Information and Resource Center wants to remind you that conflict resolution is a process, not an instant solution to a dispute. Part of that process involves active listening to understand the perspectives of the other party, rather than just listening simply to respond. De-escalation, when appropriate, may lead to a more successful resolution of the issues involved in a dispute.

Generally, de-escalation involves expressing your sense of calm and genuine interest in what the other party is communicating by using respectful and clear language while engaging in meaningful discourse. The Crisis Prevention Institute provides de-escalation and crisis prevention training to a wide variety of service-oriented industries. They suggest 10 tips that may assist you in utilizing the de-escalation process:

Be Empathic and Nonjudgmental: A natural reaction to someone yelling at you is to yell back. Our instincts tell us to react defensively to the level of energy and emotion that the other person is pushing our way. In these situations, the best thing to do is take a mindful pause, however brief, and realize we’ve been in the other person’s shoes before. We’ve all experienced pain or an overwhelming feeling of stress or emotion. Use that brief moment of mindfulness to try and empathize with the other party.

Respect Personal Space: When attempting to de-escalate a conflicting situation, the simplest choices may have a significant transformational impact on the outcome. By training yourself to react to high stress situations involving others by providing as much personal space as possible, you are communicating an openness that is subtle, yet effective.

Use Nonthreatening Nonverbals: Your actions during a confrontation speak much louder than your words. By keeping your non-verbal communication as neutral as possible, you can begin to defuse the situation at a subconscious level by making the situation feel less combative

Avoid Overreacting: While easier said than done, making an effort to contain your reactions, both emotionally and physically, will go a long way in helping you connect with the real issues at hand. Remind yourself to take that brief moment of mindfulness and recenter your focus.

Focus on Feelings: Part of the de-escalation process involves focusing on the process more than emotions, but do not ignore your feelings. Acknowledging them and focusing on how they are affecting you at that moment will better help you process them more effectively.

Ignore Challenging Questions: One of the main goals in de-escalating a stressful situation is to lower the general levels of anxiety and stress which have reached unacceptable levels - not to immediately solve the problem. Acknowledge the other party’s statements while informing them of your desire to work to find a solution. This will help to build trust and create a rapport with the other party.

Set Limits: When it comes to de-escalation, limit setting is a highly effective and positive way to redirect a person in distress. It’s also a very good way to keep your own approach focused and constructive, instead of reactive and argumentative.

Choose Wisely What You Insist Upon: Keep your eyes on the big picture—remember to see the individual behind the challenging behavior. If someone refuses to lower their voice, perhaps consider moving on from that request and focus on other ways to de-escalate, such as encouraging them to move from a standing position to a more relaxed sitting position.

Allow Silence for Reflection: When it comes to de-escalation, the great challenge is to be mindful of the opportunity to stop doing, stop saying, and simply be present. Anxiety may momentarily separate somebody from their ability to make rational choices, but the intention of de-escalation should hopefully be to safely reconnect an individual in crisis to their autonomy and well-being.
Allow Time for Decisions: Allowing time for decisions means that we must have faith in the abilities of the other party. We need to trust that our behavior will impact theirs in a positive way, and that with a few calm, clarifying moments, they can make a decision that redirects them from their anxiety and stress. We can make sure that this is possible by creating an environment that supports them to think clearly with the time that we’ve provided.

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