About

My Lifelong Struggle with Self-Confidence & Realizing my Potential

I don’t have a short story for why I wanted to become an educator; I’m not one of those people who always knew they wanted to be involved with education, and quite frankly didn’t see myself in this career when I graduated from college. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed teaching as I coached field hockey, and always had an innate ability to teach, but I was always reluctant to join this career path. I’d always make some excuse for why it wasn't a good fit; I was a horrible presenter, educators and teachers are under-appreciated for all that they do, I wasn’t a straight A student, etc. The truth is, for a long time I was ignoring all the reasons I would make a great educator. I’m always trying to improve myself and my work, I’m very organized, detail-oriented, patient, calm, fair, kind, empathetic, curious, inquisitive, humorous, positive, honest, am able to inspire growth and autonomy, and above all, caring in my nature. I love learning, and I’ve always had a desire to help people and make a difference in my community and in the world. All that I was missing was the confidence to see that I had the capacity. I eventually came to realize that as an educator, I would continue to be a lifelong learner right alongside my students.

I don’t have one shining moment that defines why I wanted to become an educator, but rather, a collection of frustrating and down fraught experiences sprinkled throughout my past. It may sound counterintuitive, but it usually takes my seeing substandard approaches that inspire me to improve upon a system. Though I was an average student, I felt I struggled a bit in school, and remember feeling like one of the “dumb kids” at times. Over the years, I realized I wasn’t dumb, I just never discovered my preferred way to learn or knew the science behind learning for long-term retention.

In fifth grade, the only way I enhanced my reading comprehension was to read aloud. During quiet reading, I would whisper as I read, bothering my classmates and providing them with ammunition for teasing. In sixth grade, I worked as hard as I could, wanted to be on the honor roll so badly, and one line from my teacher almost broke me: “You can’t be on the honor roll.” I never made honor roll that year, and because of my poor metacognition, I couldn't understand why. The next year, at the start of the year in a new middle school, I was determined prove the naysaying teachers and students wrong. But a devastating blow to my confidence came when my science teacher assigned me to the table with the students who were known to be “troubled,” “unmotivated,” and weren’t concerned with their personal hygiene. Each year, I tried harder than the last and still felt like I was barely treading water. If it wasn’t for one teacher in high school chemistry, and another in high school anatomy realizing my potential and helping instill confidence in me, I wouldn’t have pursued science.

It wasn’t until late into my college career, and after a few years into the workforce that an admirable mentor told me I was “bright.” I was stunned to hear this from multiple colleagues with doctorate and medical doctor degrees, of whom I'd always admired and thought were incredibly intelligent. After hearing this about myself, I was unsure of why the extraordinary and talented medical students I worked with didn’t have confidence in themselves. And upon reflection I realized I didn’t have the confidence that I was trying to instill in the students I worked with. I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching, and reiterating my lack of confidence without even realizing it.

When I started working in learning support, I unearthed my interest and passion for education. I realized how extremely fascinated and interested I was with the science of learning while reading Make It Stick. I had an epiphany; my lifelong learning strategies weren’t the most advantageous. I didn’t make connections, didn't use concrete examples or retrieval practice, and I didn’t understand why we were learning certain topics and didn’t question it, I just went along for the ride. I didn’t enjoy school growing up, probably mostly because I hadn't seen the point of what I was learning. No one ever taught me how to learn, or explained why these strategies worked. I started getting really excited to learn how people learn, and wanted to know more. So I continued delving into the literature to find anything new about learning that I could get my hands on. It was then that I realized, I not only wanted to, but I needed to pursue a Master’s Degree in education. I knew what I wanted to do; teach students how to learn, help them to reach their utmost potential as students, and instill the confidence they need to demonstrate their own incredible individual intellectual abilities.

So now that I've nearly completed this degree, I find my confidence beaming, may abilities validated, and my drive to make a difference present as ever. I'm grateful for the struggles I've experienced and overcome with supportive mentors along the way, and for the hard work and determination I've recognized in myself throughout the length of this program. I can't wait to get started with digging into bigger projects and counseling more students succeed in their education careers and beyond!