The Sugar Daddy

"Out the window? Lady, it's snowing out there!" Tho' not snowing hard, it was definitely snowing and the temperature outside was well below 30.

The venue was Washington, DC, in January and my girlfriend Nancy's apartment. We had just finished breakfast and were both in our underwear. I was lounging on the couch and Nancy had just come in from an attempt to get the morning paper from the hall. As she had opened the apartment door to snatch the paper, she had noticed a problem, which she announced with,

"Tom, Maurice is coming up the hall! You've got to get out of here!"

"OK," I returned and started putting on my clothes, which I had dumped the night before on the couch.

"No!" she screamed. Then softly, "You haven't time. He's coming up the hall. Just grab your stuff and go out the window!"

To the above-quoted objection she replied, "You're not going to freeze. I'll get rid of him quick as I can."

As I continued gathering my clothes I considered my options. I could do as I was told. This would lead to discomfort since the yard outside the apartment was surrounded with a fence with some nasty-looking barbed wire on the top, thus necessitating a wait in the cold of undetermined duration. Staying in the apartment was theoretically an option, the taking of which would clearly lead to intense embarrassment for Nancy, not to mention danger to our relationship. Hiding in a closet would no doubt have occurred to the likes of Don Juan but not to this particular very inexperienced 22-year old. Since my coat was heavy one and my slacks were woolen and I valued my sweetheart's feelings and our relationship, I chose the gentlemanly route.

The apartment was of course on the first floor of the building and the hop into the yard was easy. Once on the ground, I began dressing quickly, hugging the building to stay warm and avoid as much of the snow as I could. 

As I dressed, I discovered that I had left one of my socks inside. The sock was black and unmistakably a man's.

Once dressed and reasonably comfortable, considering the circumstances, I began to feel in my pockets for my cigarettes. Suddenly I heard a very loud, "You little bitch!" He had noticed the sock. My love of hilarious circumstances and stories worth telling overcame for the moment my feelings of compassion and, finding a pack of Luckies in my shirt pocket, I lit up and got as close as I could to the window to enjoy the show.

The next thing I heard was Nancy' voice.

"Listen, pal, there ain't nothin' little about me. Would you like me to prove it?"

True enough. She stood about five ten in her socks and while curvaceous she was broad shouldered and strong. I'd seen Maurice from a distance once and he was a couple of inches shorter and had the frailty of the elderly. But what he really had to fear was her temper. She had flared at me more than once though was wise enough to keep her distance. But with Maurice I knew she wouldn't bother if he didn't calm down.

Then there was silence for about ten minutes, punctuated now and with the opening and slamming shut of closet doors. Finally there was a very loud slamming of the front door of the apartment. Then Nancy opened the window above me.

"He's gone," she said, giggling a bit.

I climbed back into the warmth of the apartment. 

"Did you hit him?" was my first question.

"Heavens no. I don't hit old people. They'll put you in jail for that."

"So what was all the door slamming about? I mean the closets."

"He went around grabbing everything he could find, I mean stuff he'd given me. He threw all of it into the big fur coat he gave me and hauled it away."

"Oh, man, I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm just sorry for him. I really loved him in a way, like a little kid really."

She sat on the couch and started biting her nails.

I sat down next to her. We sat in silence for a while.

Finally, I spoke. "Well, he could have called first."

"It's not his habit," she said. "It's been like this for months now. I never objected.

"Oh, Tom. I'm sorry. You were such a gentleman about it. I feel so cheap, taking advantage of him."

"Who came after who, huh?" knowing Nancy pretty well to guess who.

"Yeah. He was lonely. I met him at a party at All Souls. We talked a while. He's been a salesman all his life. I admire people with those skills. Then he asked me out to dinner."

"He was the aggressor, so to speak, right?"

"Well, yeah. And he was very generous. Gifts, expensive restaurants, the bit. Never asked anything of me but my company. A gentleman.

"Screw it," she said getting up. "Lets go bowling."

I'm a little fuzzy actually about the ending. Perhaps I've mellowed it a bit because of my empathy with the elderly, an empathy which I perhaps had little of when it happened. I suspect I found the whole thing funny. Then. Not the case at all now.