Phone Banking Encounters

I've done it myself to others so I guess I shouldn't complain when others do it to me. In fact I am not complaining since I ended up highly amused by their pranks. I will tell you to begin with of one of my doings it to others.

I was sitting at my desk engrossed in a very interesting problem having to do with I've forgotten what when my phone rang showing an unfamiliar number. Usually, in such situations, I simply press the red button on the screen to get rid of the call but in this case I decided that perhaps I needed a break so I took the call. 

"Is this Mr. Arnall," the caller began.

"Yes it is," I answered. "How can I help you?"

"Have you thought about a coffin?" the caller continued.

"How absurd," I thought to myself and began to hang up. Then my prankish devil got hold of me and I answered, "I will never need one."

"So you intend to be cremated," the caller questioned.

"No," I said. "I intend to live forever."

"Forever!" the other responded. "How do you intend to do that?"

"I'm going to have myself cryogenically frozen, next week in fact."

"Why next week?" the other responded. 

"Because my doctor has told me that I have cancer and that I have only a few months to live."

"I see," he said. "They're going to freeze your body and when they discover a cure for the cancer you've got they're going to unfreeze it. Is that it?"

"Not quite," I said.

"What's the wrinkle?" The other asked.

"My instructions are that I'm to be unfrozen when the human race has figured out how to do away with death."

"So you won't be needing a coffin I take it," remarked the other.

"You've got it."

"Well, Mr Arnall, I wish you luck. Is there anything else I can help you with?

"No nothing else," I answered.

"Good then. Have a nice day," he ended the call.

I relate to you this absolutely true story to help you understand how I reacted in a recent call to a voter.

"Hello is this James Madison," I said as soon as I saw the name flash up on the phone banking page.

"Yes," the person said in a somewhat strained and rapid though quiet voice. I want to talk to you but you'll have to wait a moment."

"Fine I said take your time."

"I need to go to the 10th floor," I heard him say to someone else, almost shouting. "I'm late for work."

"So you don't need to shout," I heard another person say.

"Well I'm in a hurry I'm late for work."

"You still don't need to shout."

Then I heard some clanking and rumbling noises.

"What's wrong? Why isn't the elevator moving?" I heard the first person say.

There was a pause and then again he said, "What's wrong? The elevator is not moving."

"I'm not sure," I heard the second person say.

"We've got to get out of here. We're going to suffocate if we don't," the first person said suddenly.

"It's okay. Someone will come to get us. Here I'm going to ring the alarm bell," the second person said.

And then screamed after a pause, "Oh my gosh! It's not working!" 

"Oh dear!" the first person started and then began to weep with mouse like squeaks.

Then he said, "Listen we've got to get out of this thing. Look! In the ceiling, there's a door."

"Are you insane?" the second person said. "Someone will come to get us. They'll notice the elevator is not functioning."

"I'm not going to wait for someone to come who may or may not come," said the first person.

"Listen I need to get on your shoulders," he continued.

"You are not getting on my shoulders," the second person said.

Then the first person spoke directly into the phone to me. "Listen can you help us? My phone is running out of charge. Could you call the cops."

"No one is calling the cops!" the second person yelled.

It went on a bit more until I decided I was wasting my time and hung up. I started to do the next call when I realized that the people might in fact need help. I got the area they were in from the phone number, found a police station in that area and called. The person who took the call sounded like a cop somewhat older than middle aged. He took the number. There was a pause. Then I heard him yelling to someone else in the room, "It's Jimmy again!"

Then he spoke to me, "Not to worry. He does this kind of thing. Him and his buddy are roommates."

I had a similar experience a few days ago. This one featured an apartment dweller, an exterminator, a snake, and a raccoon that "shits and pees!" The voices were similar to the first ones. But I'm out of time.