Following speculation in certain quarters about the end of the Pooratrek Triumph range, we would like to publish the following extract from the upcoming book "They Drilled it Sideways : A complete History of Pooratrek Extreme Adventure Extreme Motorcycling (available soon in the special leather bound first edition download).
Chapter 14 The Downfall of the British Motorcycle in the Industry
Friday 13th April began well in Upper Castleford. Big Mal announced that his deed poll papers were through and he would no longer have to put up with an embarrassing name. Marion Eulalie Sprockethrunger would now be Charlie Ewan Sprocket-thrunger. The works planned a night out to celebrate. The test centre however had received a letter from the accountants. Having paid the excess postage (5p stamps having been withdrawn in 1977), they received the following, published in full here for the first time:
Oi, Bodgers,
Ink is Brass so 'am chargin' 'ye by't letter an’ double for’t punct’ation.
Tha's us'in ta'much juice tha ‘noz. Stoppit.
Titus Ducksarse
Accountant, Uddersfield.
The authors Special Friend at GCHQ believes this low level code transmits concerns over the price of financial services and the amount of petrol consumed.
The works manager immediately began chain smoking in order to provide the materials necessary to calculate fuel use. The back of the fag packet revealed 28.4 mpg, perfectly normal for a 790cc Triumph loaded down with close to 3 tonnes of sideways drilled Aluminium, combined heliograph/BBQ/top box units and laser stabilised gyro compass . A management meeting was called but was unable to get past discussion of the annual bonus. A workshop tool box chat was therefore held where it became apparent that in addition to petrol a pint of WD40 was required every 8 miles in wet conditions despite use of the PT dry-sure guard. An impertinent apprentice was painted blue following comments that modern motorcycles were in fact halving this fuel use and ran in the rain. Interweb chatroom research however proved this to possibly be true and Youngish Phil was ceremoniously placed in the degreaser tank to return to his normal colour. Development began with both the use of stick on carbon fibre to reduce weight and a nozzle to spray WD40 directly onto the coil.
The final nail in the British Motorcycles use came later in the afternoon when a rather angry Eustace Spofforth-Barsteward returned from his long range test to Hamburg and back. As well as using 49 gallons of unleaded to get to Hull, into Germany and back, twelve pints of WD40 and 1 gallon of KY Jelly (exact function unrecorded), a spoke had failed on the Reaperbahn giving a very bumpy ride. “Useless” as a result was suffering repetitive strain injuries in the “tank” area and unable to fully enjoy the remainder of his ride.
With even “Useless” unwilling to continue the decision was made to cease development. A brief flirtation with a Triumph Tiger ended when sales department at Hinckley laughed at the financial offer made. Development therefore began with Suzuki whose salesman appeared to be tired and emotional at the time the deal was struck.
"They Drilled it Sideways : A complete History of Pooratrek Extreme Adventure Extreme Motorcycling” will be available as soon as the enquiry votes regarding the publishers position as a Right and Proper Person.
Triumph parts will continue to be available while stocks last and can be viewed on the old website:
https://sites.google.com/site/threewheelbonnienonbike/poorer-trek