Stress Management
Parents of children with special needs have their own special needs--for exceptional stress-management skills. While raising a child can be tough for any parent, a child with special needs poses additional challenges to navigate on a daily basis. These may include dealing with your child's deficits in social skills and inappropriate behaviors, reactions from the community leading to feelings of isolation, concerns over future caregiving, added expenses and financial worries, and feelings of grief and guilt.
Studies have shown that the extra burden on parents raising special-needs children is extreme. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin discovered that mothers of adolescents with autism experience a level of chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers. What's more, a separate study found that mothers who reared children with special needs for over a decade decreased their life expectancy by up to 12 years.
To avoid these negative outcomes, parents of special-needs children must find ways to reduce stress levels in the midst of caregiving responsibilities. At the root of the solution is taking time out for your own self-care. By increasing your stress-management skills, you can improve your ability to cope with daily difficulties while helping to reduce your child's stress as well.
1. Avoid burnout.
Parenting a child with special needs is a full-time commitment that doesn't stop at the end of the day. Despite this fact, you need to find ways to step away from the ongoing demands for your attention. If you don't, you risk suffering from burnout, which will render your caregiving efforts much less effective.
Short regular breaks throughout the day are important, as are longer breaks or vacations on a periodic basis throughout the year. Planning is key to making sure that these breaks occur. Make arrangements in advance to provide extra coverage so that you can take care of your own needs.
2. Reward yourself.
Although parenting a special-needs child can be rewarding on the good days, many daily frustrations are involved as well. To counteract the difficulties, treat yourself to simple pleasures that provide you with a dose of comfort and ease.
Cook your favorite dinner or order out when you're tired. Take a bubble bath or watch a movie with your spouse at the end of a trying day. If others are involved with caretaking efforts, acknowledge their contributions as well, and find ways to reward one another. Celebrate small victories together.
3. Remember other family members.
A common problem for families with a special-needs child is that other family members often get overlooked. This can cause added stress in the household, as siblings or spouses may feel neglected or afraid to address their needs.
Your other family members can be a great source of support to you, and it's important that you work together to provide each other with the attention and validation that you all need. Allow yourself to spend guilt-free alone time with other family members. Everyone deserves to enjoy experiences that don't revolve around dealing with the challenges of special-needs caretaking.
4. Shift your beliefs.
Many parents of special-needs children place huge pressures on themselves that add to their stress. Some examples include:
"I must give 100% to my special-needs child all the time or I am a failure as a parent."
"I should always put the needs of my special-needs child above my own needs."
"I should feel guilty if I take a break from my caregiving responsibilities."
Instead of proceeding with these assumptions, you must learn to develop realistic expectations and recognize when this type of negative thinking is derailing your coping strategies. Think of alternative messages that are self-empowering and that allow you to be "healthily selfish." Replenish your energy and know your limits. If you remember that everyone--including parents of special-needs children--has needs, you'll set the right tone for the whole family.
Once upon a time, a group of special needs moms started talking about their lives.
They talked about how devoted they are to their children and to making sure that their kids’ needs are met.
But somewhere along the way, they had forgotten to take care of themselves.
**********
To care for others, you have to take care of yourself as well.
Too often, we feel guilty as parents when we take time to do something that is just for us.
But it’s how we can keep giving our best to our children.