COC
Prompt: Do you believe that there is such a thing as destiny? Do you think it is something people can control?
I disagree with the statement that destiny is a matter of choice. The idea of having a choice negates the idea of having a predetermined destiny. One’s destiny is one’s inescapable fate; no amount of personal choice, weighted decision, hard wrought achievement or individual determination can off-set the mighty power of destiny. Destiny is what happens to you, the ways and means that you meet this destiny are simply that: ways and means of meeting destiny. There is no escaping destiny through choice or achievement.
If you are destined to be swept away in a major hurricane, you shall be. If you are destined to die in a small traffic accident, you shall. People survive earthquakes, floods, shootings and fires…to die of heart failure two years later. Soldiers in world war one believed that bullets and “whizbangs” either had your name on them or they did not—you might duck a bullet to die in a blast; you might avoid a blast to be shot by an errant fragment…or you might survive the entire nightmare of war to die, like so many soldiers did, of influenza one year later. As the old saying goes: “when your number is up, your number is up.” One dies when one’s time is done.
The idea of having a choice in one’s destiny implies a hand in the forming of one’s destiny—but humans have no hand, have no say, in who we are born to, how we are born, with what faculties we are born with, where we are born and when we come into this world. All these determining factors are put into play without one single choice being given to the human concerned. You may wish to become the greatest artist ever known, but if you are born blind…you cannot be this thing. You may try all your life to become the best high jumper the world has ever seen…and the Olympic games in which you were to show off your achievements may be cancelled due to war or political clime.
All a human can do is wait and see. One may endeavor to become prepared for whatever fate, or destiny, may have in store, but one cannot choose one’s destiny.
Some are born kings, some are born beggars, some people achieve the greatness that they knew lurked in their fates, some have this fated greatness thrust upon them—although both greatnesses are equally predestined—no human, believing in the fact of destiny, can do anything to avert this same said destiny.
Belief in destiny means a belief in that which humans cannot know, a predetermined span of existence that one can only wait to experience; notions of choice or achievement have no place within the fatalistic framework of the idea of human destiny.
3 (Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) uses a relevant quote; (2) clearly states point of view on topic; (3) good use of several vocabulary words; (4) stays relatively on topic; Needs work: (1) a number of punctuation errors; (2) switching between first and third person; (3) too much repetition of word “destiny”; (4) supporting examples are vague. Overall score: 3.
RTS
Prompt: Benjamin Franklin once said, “At 20 years of age, the will reigns; at 30, the wit and at 40, the judgment.” How do you think this applies to people today and to yourself?
Benjamin Franklin is often quoted because his wisdom was so timeless. It’s interesting to realize that what was true of society in general 200 years ago still applies today, even though the society that we live in is so radically different than that in which Mr. Franklin lived.
I agree with his assessment. The people that I know who are in their 20’s are either in college or are recent college graduates who are trying to find jobs. I think that getting that degree and being able to support yourself and following a career path takes quite a bit of willpower. On the negative side, when you read about crime, the perpetrators are often in their 20’s, which indicates that will more than judgment is the motivating factor.
When people get into their 30’s, they are in jobs that they will probably hold until they retire. At this time in their lives, they may also be married and raising children, all of which are probably better done with a sense of humor. I think Mr. Franklin also included creativity in his definition of “wit,” as by the time you are 30. I would hope that your life experience enables you to think creatively and see many paths that will take you to the same goal.
By the time a person is in his 40’s he has experienced a lot, both good and bad, and can anticipate the potential outcome of his actions much better than he could at 20 or 30 years old. Thus, he uses his better judgment. As a newly licensed driver, I know that while my insurance rates reflect the willfulness of 20 year olds rather than the better judgment used by 40 year old drivers, who have some of the lowest insurance rates.
I think Ben Franklin was a very wise man. As a young person, being willful isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and hopefully, by the time I’m in my 40’s, I hope I’ll be exercising good judgment.
5 (Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) uses three clear examples with clear details; (2) conclusion clearly relates back to the main topic; (3) uses general and personal examples as support to the main idea; (4) stays completely on topic; Needs: (1) transitions between paragraphs would make it read more smoothly; (2) point of view statement should be moved up to the first paragraph; (3) some vague words like “a lot,” “good” and “bad” could use more specific detail. Overall score: 5.
IRE
Prompt: What do you think about television in today’s culture? Is it educational or are you better off leaving the room and picking up a book?
Television is loud. It’s so loud that the only messages you get are the ones the producers want you to get. Takes up so much room in your head you’re not going to pick up other things. Take commercials for example. All sound recording for television is done with a measuring device that keeps sound at a certain level. Anything on the chart between point A and point B is an acceptable level according to standards and practices. B is next to the red line. Commercial sounds are always recorded at the highest possible level, to get your attention. That’s why you can hear the commercials from the bathroom, where you went when the commercial came on. I don’t hear the commercials, because I use the mute button on the remote control. I think the mute button is the single most important contribution to the world since chocolate. I’d like to see the mute button improved quite a bit, though. I’d like to see it used in other applications. Perhaps in traffic. Maybe in local discount stores where the noise level is so high it’s mind-numbing. I’d like to mute other people. And their children. And their stereos.
What do you learn from television? Well, you learn about the world, but only the parts of the world that they want you to see. Small pieces of it. When you see bad things, it’s because they aren’t making an effort to show you the good things. Good things don’t sell programming. And selling programs is how they make money. Money is the most important thing for television people and for most people.
If you read a book instead of sitting in front of the television screen, you’re only limited by your own interests and desire to learn something. If you sit in front of the television instead, you’re only getting the things someone else has decided you should see. This is not good. If you allow them to tell you how to look at the world without thinking for yourself, then you deserve to be ignorant. I think it’s better to read a book because a book doesn’t just materialize on your shelf. Sometimes you have to go to the library or the book store to get one. At the very least, you have to get up to get it, instead of switching it on from your chair. And if you don’t like what you’re seeing in the book, you have to get a different book. You can’t just push a button to get a different book. That’s good for you because you need to move more.
Also, television is like a magician. Magicians pull birds out of the costumes of barely dressed girls and stuff. People watch VERY closely, hoping that something besides a bird will tumble out, and they miss it when the magician’s real assistant is going through the audience and picking pockets. That’s how television is. It makes you focus on what they want you to see while bad things go on and they’re stealing your brain, your money and your life.
2 (Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) some support for his/her opinion; (2) strong analogy (television as a magician) in the conclusion; Needs: (1) uses vague terms; (2) spends far too much time off topic; (3) repetition of terms like “book”; (4) multiple fragmented sentences. Overall score: 2.
KUI
Prompt: A comic strip character from the 1940s named Pogo Possum once said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” What do you think Pogo meant with this quote? How does it apply to the world today?
Somewhere in the world, it seems, there are always people at war. This has been true through times past and is certainly true in our world today. It seems that people are always looking for reasons to fight each other.
Where in this does the expression “We have met the enemy and he is us” fit in? This is true no matter if the conflict is local or across the sea. The reason for this is that we are all people. Our differences are less than our similarities. Take, first, a “local” dispute, or a civil war. In a civil war, brother fights brother, friend fights friend and neighbor fights neighbors. If we are not these people, then who are we? These are groups of people who have the same backgrounds. These people have been raised with common sets of values and morals. In a civil war, we are the enemy.
Next, consider a foreign war. In this situation, we’re fighting people who often look different from us, have different religion and are most definitely not our
families. Are we still the enemy? Yes, in more ways than one. First, in the sense that sometimes we are the aggressors and, second, in the sense that we are all still human—and these things make us the enemy.
Consider the current war in the Middle East. We, Americans, are off fighting in another land. We have decided we know what is right and we are fighting for it. We’ve invaded them. We are the enemy.
Now, even if we weren’t being aggressors in this situation, does that mean that we aren’t the enemy? No, because the enemy is human and so are we. We mourn for the loss of our people’s lives. So do they. We want our families and friends to be safe and happy. So do they. We need to eat, drink, and have shelter. So do they. On the most basic levels, we are the same - humans. If we are fighting each other, we are the enemy.
There is no time like the present to consider the true costs of war. One of these costs is what it makes people become. We become killers, mourners, savages. We become the enemy.
6 (Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) point of view is in the second paragraph but the introduction leads naturally to it; (2) excellent use of vocabulary and transitions (first, next, now); (3) strong organization, moving from local to foreign wars and repetition of “we are the enemy” makes overall essay stronger; (4) strong and passionate conclusion relates directly to the writing prompt. Overall score: 6.
AAM
Prompt: Do you believe that small groups are responsible for change in today’s culture?
I do not agree with the statements that one should never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world and that it is indeed the only thing that ever has. The world, that is this space we occupy that is also occupied by non-living and/or non-human things, exists not solely in relation to human beings. The world exists in and of itself, and the world has changed in many ways since the so-called ‘big bang’ put this universe into existence. It is only for the last few thousand years that humans (let alone humans actually defined as “citizens”) have held enough sway to commit any sort of changes upon it.
This is not to say that thoughtful and committed groups of citizens have not changed the world in any way, for they have. The Egyptians forever changed the face of northern Africa, the Chinese forever altered the landscape of Asia, Greenpeace members have enlightened people to the dangers of
over-fishing, over-polluting and over-harvesting the world’s rainforests, thus the effective ecology movement of the twentieth century was born. All of these changes to the world have been monumental and long lasting. But! These planet altering shifts at the hands of humans are not the only changes that have ever re-dedicated the world. Nature itself is always at play in this regard.
Asteroids hitting the earth cause great craters, holes in the surface of the planet that are as distinct and as indelible as human-created walls and temples. Fires that raged thousands of years ago are still evidenced by their charcoal deposits found cached deep within the very ground we stand upon, changing the chemical make up of this ground forever. Shifts to and from ice ages to warmer epochs cause enormous changes in the world—from sea levels to the distribution of life itself upon this planet. Time itself changes the world—and with time, those natural planetary actions that come about with time: erosion, volcanic disturbances, seismic activities, wind patterns, all contribute to changing this world. Each of these natural changes is as distinct and long lasting as any change wrought by small groups of thoughtful and committed citizens.
Thus, in conclusion, I say that thoughtful and committed groups of citizens are not the only thing that ever have changed this world; they make up a part of life that has caused great changes, but they are not the only thing that changes this world. Nature, and all the natural forces that that term encompasses, also changes this world. Indeed, nature changes the world far more and has done so for far longer.
5 (Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) states point of view and relationship to the writing prompt clearly and quickly; (2) conclusion clearly relates back to the main topic and ends with very strong statement; (3) good use of vocabulary; (4) strong details with examples; Needs: (1) point of view is simply a repeat of the writing prompt and should be changed to be more original/student’s own words; (2) thesis statement needs to reflect that this student disagrees because… (3) could improve on punctuation. Overall score: 5.
TIL
Prompt: Nothing requires more discipline than freedom.
The ultimate freedom does not require discipline because to be entirely free, one must have no restrictions created by them or the world around them. But ultimate freedom exists only as a concept and while humans can strive to be free, in reality it can never be achieved. Discipline is therefore inescapable.
In William Shakespeare’s King Lear, the theme of madness plays a major role in Lear’s life. Lear’s madness becomes his freedom from the rules around him. In the first scene, Lear gives up his land and therefore, power to his daughters, supposedly freeing himself from obligations in his old age. Yet Lear soon finds that his life and the people in his life are not as he once thought them to be. His daughters Regan and Goneril each display cruelty towards him and place restrictions of Lear. By giving up his power, Lear was in fact giving away his freedom. He can no longer do as he pleases, for example, he must beg each daughter to let him live with them. If discipline is taken to mean restrictions and rules placed upon oneself, then Lear in fact has more as a free man than a powerful man. Lear’s freedom, or rather his lack of power, ends up promoting his madness. This madness removes him from obligations, but at the same time creates a different kind of restriction on him. Lear in his mad state may not have restrictions and discipline in the sense generally thought of, but he does in a new sense. The discipline of madness consumes him.
Lear, in both his powerful state and his weakened yet free state has freedom and discipline. And while the concept of ultimate freedom is without discipline, Lear’s freedom in both cases is an example of how imperfect freedom does involve discipline. When Lear had power, he was free to make decisions, but these decisions were disciplined choices. When Lear had madness instead of power, he had freedom to do what he wanted, without concern of the consequences, but he had discipline forced upon him by his situation. Because ultimate freedom cannot be attained, freedom as we see it and refer to daily does involve discipline. Only the unachievable, ultimate freedom does not require discipline.
6 (Gruber's Complete SAT Writing Workbook)
SFA
Prompt: Nothing requires more discipline than freedom.
In society today, as well as histories past, we have seen that “nothing requires more discipline than freedom”. Freedom was a principle that people fought and died for. It was an undisputable right that was sometimes put to the test. However, Adeline Yen Mah and Martin Luther King Jr. prove that nothing isn’t worth fighting for.
In “Falling Leaves” by Adeline Yen Mah, we can easily sympathize with her struggle for freedom and rights of passage. Ever since she was a young Chinese girl growing up in a male-dominated world, Adeline had to prove to herself and others that she deserved the praise, affection, and education that her three brothers easily attained. With much determination and introspective spirit she soon learned the power of her will. By speaking out for her wanting to be rid of her provincial education and moving on to higher learning through attending England’s Universities did she recognize that “nothing requires more discipline than freedom.”
In addition to Adeline’s opposition, Martin Luther King Jr. was a prominent figure in America’s history that proved that his efforts were not wasted. He was a firm believer of equal rights for his fellow African American people. Without Martin’s unerring attempts at breaking the barriers, there would not have been such a great uproar to stop the injustices.
From time to time, people have felt the restraint and oppression, but Adeline and Martin proved that their voices could not go on unheard. They attacked all obstacles and grew strong enough to realize the importance of their cause. The attainment of freedom have bonded these figures into our nation.
5 (Gruber's Complete SAT Writing Workbook)
IOM
Prompt: Nothing requires more discipline than freedom.
In today’s world almost all people are granted certain freedoms in relation to behavior or emotions. In the United States of America this priviledge is especially prevelant through it’s democratic government and the constitution it provides to protect the people’s rights. Because too much unrestricted freedom can hurt a nation, the freedoms granted to the people must be regulated by each person’s self-discipline. As with most things in life, freedom can be taken for granted if responsibility is not taken for one’s own actions.
One major freedom given to most teenagers is the priviledge to go away from home for college. This is a major commitment and responsibility because in many cases a student will be living away from his/her parents for the first time. His/her mother and father are no longer around to hassle the youth about homework, going to sleep, or other decisions. It is a beginning college student’s own discipline or practicality that must aid the teen in making such lifestyle choices. In order to succeed and keep the new freedom of living away from home, the student must prove that he or she is mature enough to handle it. The student must organize his/her time apropriately, take care of himself/herself, and act like an adult.
Many personal freedoms and liberties are granted to people in life. In exchange for these rights, human beings must show they are worthy of receiving them by showing discipline and maturity in their actions and decision. If people were to live carelessly without regard for the preciousness of their freedom, the world would be full of chaos and injustice.
4 (Gruber's Complete SAT Writing Workbook)
DIZ
Prompt: Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish?
All human beings have selfish desires without even noticing it themselves. It is perfectly natural to always relate certain things to yourself. People work, go to school, study, and do things that they specifically do not like for themselves. Being selfish is defined as only thinking for yourself and no others. Some examples are not sharing, not thinking of others in certain situations like that.
At most times, people are more selfish when they are younger. For example, kids not sharing their toys with other kids because they want it for themselves. I think selfishness has a lot to do with fear and they are scared to have things taken away so therefore they are selfish. Even at this age, 16 years old, sharing is enormously difficult.
Shakespeare’s play, Macbeth, the main character shows much selfishness, he does unimaginable things to the king. His selfish desires leads him to kill innocent people, and even kills the people that trusted him. Selfishness is capable of making anyone do anything.
2 (Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): Although this essay attempts to take a position (“all human beings have selfish desires”), it never develops the thesis. The critical thinking is weak in that it never actually addresses the duality of human nature. It does not offer any concrete examples, but only presents general statements and some vague and underdeveloped examples (“kids not sharing their toys with other kids because they want it for themselves”). When the essay does attempt to offer a specific example, it remains poorly developed (“Macbeth, the main character shows much selfishness, he does unimaginable things to the king. His selfish desires leads him to kill innocent people, and even kills the people that trusted him.”) The writer uses awkward language (“Selfishness is capable of making anyone do anything”) and has difficulty with sentence structure (fragments and run-ons). While this essay falls into the upper range of a score of 2, it does not have enough solid evidence to merit a 3.
WLK
Prompt: Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish?
Human nature is difficult to define, primarily because it is unpredictable and inconsistent. While one person may be driven by selfish impulses, another may be completely altruistic. Both may involve themselves in alleviating the plight of others, but for contradictory reasons.
Patriotic acts reveal the dichotomy in human nature. Some soldiers, for example, may enlist in the military for personal gain and glory. They thrive on the glamour of uniforms, the adulation of their friends and families, and the respect of their countrymen. Other s join out of love for their fellow man, to save some unfortunate from a harsh dictator or a repressive regime. While both soldiers put their lives on the line and face the possibility of death or injury, only one of the two is truly unselfish. The same principle holds true for ordinary citizens. Do we give up our holiday to help serve meals in a soup kitchen because of our concern that other human beings are homeless and hungry or because it makes us feel good about ourselves? When teenagers spend time in a nursing home entertaining the elderly or spend summers working for Habitat for Humanity are they selfless, or are they collecting their community service hours?
Perhaps, then, it is impossible to conclude that human nature is definable as selfish or selfless. Yet, I, for one, am not ready to give up on altruism. The history of mankind is filled with innumerable acts of selfless compassion and benevolence. Strangers who risk their lives and jump onto subway help someone who has fallen, doctors who give up their lucrative practices and spend one month every year in impoverished nations, and teachers who stay after school on their own time to help students— everyone knows someone who is driven by kindness rather than by personal gain.
Clearly, human nature is as diverse as human beings themselves. Nevertheless, it is the cooperative spirit that has helped us evolve. Had our ancestors not sacrificed self-interest and worked together for the common good, they would have starved. Thus, humanity has a long history of compassion, one that we must nurture in a world often driven by self rather than by selflessness.
6 (Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): This well-written essay shows outstanding critical thinking. The writer chose to investigate human nature rather than to definitively state one position or another. She did this thoughtfully and insightfully, using apt examples such as soldiers and ordinary citizens to illustrate different motivations for charitable actions. The writing is precise and effective, and the vocabulary is lively and appropriate: “They thrive on the glamour of uniforms, the adulation of their friends and families, and the respect of their countrymen.” The essay shows impressive control and smooth transitions from one idea to the next. The writer concludes with her optimistic opinion backed up with evidence: “Had our ancestors not sacrificed self-interest and worked together for the common good, they would have starved.” This essay clearly deserves a score of 6.
XZB
Prompt: Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish?
There will always be people who are driven by selfish desires, but there are good people in the world who put the needs of others before their own needs. Most people, I believe, are unselfish by nature. People who put others before themselves have a love of helping others. A single parent who works two jobs to support his or her family puts their needs before his or her own. These parents will buy clothes and other things for their children and do without it themselves. Some kids will even give their allowance to charity for no reason other than they want to help another person who does not have what they have.
The TV show Extreme Makeover does a good job portraying those who do extraordinary things for others and their community. In one episode, a mother and a father have four children. Two are disabled and use wheelchairs. Their house is small and hard for them to get around. These parents work very hard and run a day-care center to help their children, but they cannot afford to move to a bigger house. This is where Extreme Makeover comes in to grant this family a new home that is specially created so the kids can get around easily. Because this family has been helping their community by having a daycare center, the TV people help them with a reward of a new house.
Some people are motivated by selfishness and are determined to provide more for themselves. Others are driven by the desire to help people in need. People who are unselfish inspire other people to follow their example and make the world a better place.
4 (Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): This essay takes a position and addresses the task competently. The thesis statement (“Most people, I believe, are unselfish by nature”) is supported with two examples. The first example, “A single parent who works two jobs to support his or her family,” is somewhat of a generalization and is not as specific as it should be. The second example shows more evidence of critical thinking in that it is more detailed and explains the “rewards” of unselfishness. The writing is straightforward, but lacks precision and liveliness. Most sentences are simple, and there is little variety in vocabulary and sentence structure. There are no major grammatical errors, just an occasional awkwardness: “These parents will buy clothes and other things for their children and do without it themselves.” Overall, this essay fits the criteria for a score of 4.
OZO
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
Have you ever imagined how your life would be different if a key person were not in it, like a mother, father, spouse, or child? Some people are so integral to making us who we are that without them, our very identity would be changed. My grandmother is a key figure in my life who has left an indelible impression on me. She is a woman of great influence because of her stability, her work ethic and her independent spirit.
Grandma is the matriarch of our family. Because she has a close relationship with us and a great deal of wisdom, her seven children and sixteen grandchildren often seek her out for advice. We look to her for advice on everything from how to potty-train a toddler to how to break up with a boyfriend. Grandma relishes the fact that we ask her for advice, but she never offers it without being sought out. She is like a rock: never-changing. My own parents got divorced when I was twelve, but I always knew that Grandma’s house was a source of stability when the rest of my world seemed tumultuous. This sense of security has helped me face other challenges as they come along in life, like when we moved during my freshman year of high school. Grandma also inspired me to pursue my goals. Because of the trials she faced without shrinking back, I am able to have the strength to work hard and try to realize my dreams. Grandma didn’t have it easy. Because she was a single parent from a fairly young age, she had to work and sacrifice to support her children. She worked full-time cleaning offices to save for her children’s college educations. She received no help from the outside and was totally independent from her own family’s help. Grandma always stressed the importance of education to all of us in achieving our goals. Grandma’s example of hard work and her emphasis on education have strengthened me to pursue a college degree, and eventually a PhD. Even though I will have to work to get through school, I know that if Grandma worked while raising seven children alone, I can handle taking care of myself. Her tireless example is truly inspirational. She has also encouraged me in my chosen career, teaching, because she feels it will blend well with family life when I eventually have my own children.
Perhaps the most significant legacy Grandma has left me is her example of always voicing her opinion despite what others may think. Grandma would never bow down to prejudice; she never cared what people would say behind her back. In an age where segregation in social circles was common, Grandma’s dinners after church on Sundays would look like a United Nations meeting. She would include all races and nationalities, and became close friends with a very diverse group of people. If someone tried to put down another race, she would quickly voice her disagreement. This refusal to be swayed by “popular” opinion had a huge impact on me, and is a guiding principle in my life today.
I certainly would not be the person I am today, inside or out, without the influence of my grandmother upon my life. I can only aspire to imitate her in her stability, her work ethic, and her refusal to be silenced by other people’s disapproval.
6 (Acing the SAT 2006): This essay shows an insightful understanding of the assignment. The writer clearly chooses a strong example of an influential person, and then skillfully develops her ideas with well-developed and specific examples. We learn much about Grandma, and the writer constantly connects these details back to the main idea: that Grandma had a huge impact on her life in three major areas. The writer shows an excellent command of language. There are no grammatical errors, and she varies her sentence structure to make the reading interesting and enjoyable. This essay fully addresses all areas of the rubric in a strong way and is a good example of clear competence in writing.
TKV
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
My mother is the person who influenced me the most. She is a very hard worker. She is a very devoted mother, and she is tough.
My mother works at Macy’s, cleaning the rest rooms and straightening up the stock after the store closes. It is not an easy job, she does it from 12 midnight til 8 in the morning. My mother wanted to go to college, but her parents didn’t have the money. She really want us to all go. I would love to make her proud of myself. That would be a great reward to her for all she did for us.
My mother cares about all the things that no other mothers pay attention to anymore. She won’t let me hang out with my friends without calling, no boys in the house when she’s not home, I have to cook and clean, etc. She is a very devoted mother.
One day, some lady almost ran me over in front of my house. My mother went out there and tryd to find what the cause was. Well, the lady starting screaming at my mother, and she was the one at fault! My mother yelled back and even called the cops on this lady, she isn’t afraid of anybody.
I think I will probably turn out to be just like my mother, and that would be fine with me.
3 (Acing the SAT 2006): This response shows a basic understanding of the assignment, but little development. The writer lays out three ways her mother has been influential in her life, but then fails to adequately develop them with examples. In the third paragraph, the writer never makes a connection between her mother’s strictness and being a devoted mother, an idea introduced in the introduction. Also, the author doesn’t really give examples of how her mother has changed her life. There is a weak introduction with no real “hook,” and a short conclusion that weakens the organization of the essay. The sentences are simple and contain noticeable errors, particularly run-on sentences. Overall, this response shows marginal competence in writing.
SFF
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
“A teacher affects eternity.” This quotation reminds us that a teacher’s influence goes far beyond the school year. Many people have pointed to influential teachers in their pasts, crediting them with helping them become motivated to rise beyond their circumstances. In my case, Miss Reynolds, my third grade teacher, had a huge impact on the entire course of my life. She influenced me in three major areas: education, self-respect and attitude.
Miss Reynolds was the most demanding teacher I’ve had in my school years. Even though I was only in third grade, I had at least 90 minutes of homework every night. The reason none of us resented it, though, was that Miss Reynolds made everything fascinating. She had been in the Peace Corps earlier in her life, and she loved to tell us stories of her teaching experiences there. She always reminded us of how fortunate we were to be in America, receiving free public education. She also stressed that education would be our ticket out of the rough neighborhood in which we lived. And as we saw her constantly reading, she showed us what it means to be a life-long learner. I think the value I place on education, and my desire to be a doctor, can be directly traced to Miss Reynolds’s demanding teaching style.
On a personal level, Miss Reynolds instilled self-respect in all her students. She made me believe in myself, but I had to earn it. She didn’t compliment us for things that we didn’t earn, but when I really applied myself and mastered something difficult, she genuinely was excited for me. I remember, for example, struggling with fractions. I just couldn’t get the concept at eight years old. Miss Reynolds brought in pizza pies, and we had a fraction party. She worked with me at recess, and gave me extra homework on fractions. During free time, she set me up on the computer in the back of the room with special fraction software. When I finally got an A on a fraction test, she actually took me out to lunch. Riding with her in her beat-up Volkswagen was something I’ll never forget. She taught me to work hard and earn the self-respect that comes from achieving a goal.
Maybe the most important effect Miss Reynolds had on me was showing me the importance of a positive attitude. No matter what the circumstances, Miss Reynolds kept her spirits up. She never married, and when I was in 8th grade, I heard she got cancer. Despite her cancer, she continued to teach until 3 months before she passed away. I will never forget the amazingly positive influence Miss Reynolds had on me. I am a different person today because of the value she placed on education, self-respect and a positive attitude. Her legacy is shared not only by me, but by all the students who were lucky enough to be in her classroom. Her footprint’s imprint in the sand of my soul is not easily erased.
5 (Acing the SAT 2006):This student shows a good understanding of the assignment. The writer has a strong, clear thesis, which is developed with specific and appropriate examples. Although the examples are adequately developed, the essay might have earned a higher score if the paragraph on “positive attitude” were more concretely developed. The paper is well organized, and the writer shows a good command of written English. The writer uses sophisticated vocabulary in many sentences, with few errors. Overall, this shows a clear competence in writing.
WKP
Prompt “Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial?”
I think it is wrong to believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, that they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it. Everything you did and saw in the past helps you to move on. Every single happy moment, every mistake you make is getting a part of you. Your actions become habits which creates your personality and helps you to make your own experience. Therefore memories help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present. Everything we do has to do with our experiences in the past, the way we get along with people or treat them, the way we turn out to be an adult. If you don't live with making your own decisions, mistakes, and your experience with people and the world or school you won't have any examples to compare or to handle any coming situations in the future. If you get everything told you by someone, you will always wait for other people to make decisions for you and won't have your own point of view. For succeed you have to know what you want, to find that out, you have to have been through some difficult situations in the PAST.
2 (College Board): Although it expresses a point of view ("I think it is wrong to believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, that they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it"), this essay is seriously limited, exhibiting weak critical thinking, insufficient use of evidence, and serious problems with progression of ideas. The essay also demonstrates frequent problems in usage, grammar, and sentence structure. To achieve a higher score, the writer needs to develop the point of view with reasons and specific examples instead of merely repeating the same vague ideas ("Everything you did and saw in the past helps you to move on. . . . Everything we do has to do with our experiences in the past"). The essay demonstrates little mastery and is scored a 2.
COY
Prompt “Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial?”
In order to make a better observations, discoveries, and decisions, people can't stay neutral and impartial. They should have the enthusiasm to explore and discover. Objective is too valuable to be abandoned, without it, people will lose sense of direction for their future and hope. So in this world, there is no absolute objectivity. Objectivity is a guideline for people to achieve their desire goal.
1 (College Board): This minimal essay demonstrates very little mastery. It develops no viable point of view, offering instead only a few confused ideas about absolute objectivity. The result is a disjointed and incoherent essay (Objective is too valuable to be abandoned, without it, people will lose sense of direction for their future and hope. So in this world, there is no absolute objectivity). To achieve a higher score, the essay would have to develop a clear point of view and support that point of view with relevant reasons and examples. This essay is fundamentally lacking and receives a score of 1.
MED
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
Memories act as both a help and a hinderance to the success of someone. Many people advise you to learn from the past and apply those memories so that you can effectively succeed by avoiding repeating your past mistakes. On the other hand, people who get too caught up with the past are unable to move on to the future.
Elie Wiesel's memoir Night perfectly exemplifies the double nature of memories. Wiesel, a Jewish man, suffered heavily throughout the Holocaust and Night is rife with horrific descriptions of his experience. These memories help to spread the view of what life was like. Through recounting these memories, Wiesel is able to educate world readers about the atrocities committed in hopes that the same blatant violations of human rights are never repeated again. Through reliving the Holocaust through his writing, Wiesel was inspired to become proactive in the battle for civil rights. Some would point to his peaceful actions and the sales of his book and label him a success.
Despite the importance of recounting such memories, Wiesel acknowledges the damage that memories can also cause. Following his liberation from the Auschwitz concentration camp, Wiesel was a bitter, jaded man. He could not even write Night until several years later. The end of the novel describes Wiesel's gradual but absolute loss of faith throughout the experience. His past experiences haunted him for several years, rendering him passive. It was not until he set aside his past that he could even focus on the future. Had he remained so consumed with the pain and damage caused in the past, he may never have achieved the success that he has attained.
Overall, Wiesel's experiences exemplify the importance of the past as a guide. Wiesel's past experiences helped to guide him in later life, but it was not until he pushed them aside that he could move on. To me this means that you should rely on your past without letting it control you. Allow your past to act as a guide, while making sure that you are also living in the present and looking to the future.
6 (College Board): This essay exhibits outstanding critical thinking by effectively and insightfully developing its point of view ("you should rely on your past without letting it control you") through the clearly appropriate example of Elie Wiesel's Holocaust memoir, Night. The essay demonstrates clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas, carefully contrasting Wiesel's success in using his memories to gain attention for his cause with the difficulty Wiesel faced in dealing with those same powerful memories. The essay uses language skillfully to convey Wiesel's struggle ("Despite the importance of recounting such memories, Wiesel acknowledges the damage that memories can also cause. Following his liberation from the Auschwitz concentration camp, Wiesel was a bitter, jaded man. He could not even write Night until several years later"). The essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and receives a 6.
DTM
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
Interestingly enough, I fall in the middle of these statements. I believe that one should remember the past and learn from those events. However, I also believe that many bad memories harm the present and the future. The only way to continue, many times, is to forget and forgive.
My brother, who is college, has proved to me the importance of getting good grades and actively participating in extracorrecular activities. These two ideas helped him to get into the prestegious college of the University of Notre Dame. His education there will allow him to have a prosperous career as an adult. Reviewing these facts and ideas has led me to believe if I do the same, I will have a similar promising career. Consequently, I have gotten good grades and have seen interest from many prestigious programs.
Through my knowledge, I have learned that in many bad instances, time to forget is very important. Ireland, for example, had been persecuted for many hundreds of years from 1000 AD to 1900 AD. After being granted the Irish Free State, they attacked many parts of Britain for retribution of those many years of being oppressed. Consequently there has been on going hostility between the two peoples. This hostility has cost the lives of many hundreds of people. A quote once said, "Violence begets violence" is the perfect phrase for this warfare. The only way to stop the loss of life is to forget and forgive; start anew.
Different situations require different actions to proceed in a positive manner. Many times, people are required to use both elements. For example, let's forget this part and concentrate on how to bring this positive part into light. Both of the ideas on remembering and forgetting have their reasons for existing and both are positive.
4 (College Board): This essay provides adequate reasons and examples to support both aspects of its point of view ("I believe that one should remember the past and learn from those events. However, I also believe that many bad memories harm the present and the future"), thus demonstrating competent critical thinking. The essay is generally organized and focused and features coherence and progression of ideas. Facility in the use of language is adequate, despite some inconsistencies ("Through my knowledge, I have learned that in many bad instances, time to forget is very important"). The essay also has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics. To earn a higher score, the writer should provide additional appropriate evidence and use critical thinking to extend the discussion of situations in which "people are required to use both elements." The essay demonstrates adequate mastery and receives a 4.
WTI
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
Without our past, our future would be a tortuous path leading to nowhere. In order to move up the ladder of success and achievement we must come to terms with our past and integrate it into our future. Even if in the past we made mistakes, this will only make wiser people out of us and guide us to where we are supposed to be.
This past year, I was auditioning for the fall play, "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." To my detriment I thought it would be a good idea to watch the movie in order to prepare. For two hours I studied Elizabeth Taylor's mannerisms, attitude, and diction, hoping I could mimic her performance. I auditioned for the part of "Maggie" feeling perfectly confident in my portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor, however, I was unaware that my director saw exactly what I had been thinking. Unfortunately, I didn't get the part, and my director told me that he needed to see "Maggie" from my perspective, not Elizabeth Taylor's.
I learned from this experience, and promised myself I would not try to imitate another actress, in order to create my character. Perservering, I was anxious to audition for the winter play just two months later. The play was Neil Simon's "Rumors," and would get the opportunity to play "Chris," a sarcastic yet witty role, which would be my final performance in high school. In order to develop my character, I planned out her life just as I thought it should be, gave her the voice I thought was right, and the rest of her character unfolded beautifully from there. My director told me after the first show that "Rumors" was the best work he'd ever seen from me, and that he was amazed at how I'd developed such a believable character. Thinking back to my first audition I was grateful for that chance I had to learn and to grow, because without that mistake I might have tried to base "Chris" off of someone I'd known or something I'd seen instead of becoming my own character. I utilized the memory of the Elizabeth Taylor debacle to improve my approach to acting and gave the best performance of my life so far.
6 (College Board): This essay effectively and insightfully develops its point of view ("In order to move up the ladder of success and achievement we must come to terms with our past and integrate it into our future") through a clearly appropriate extended example drawing on the writer's experience as an actor. The essay exhibits outstanding critical thinking by presenting a well-organized and clearly focused narrative that aptly illustrates the value of memory. The essay also uses language skillfully, demonstrating meaningful variety in sentence structure ("To my detriment I thought it would be a good idea to watch the movie in order to prepare. For two hours I studied Elizabeth Taylor's mannerisms, attitude, and diction, hoping I could mimic her performance. I auditioned for the part of "Maggie" feeling perfectly confident in my portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor, however, I was unaware that my director"). Despite minor errors, the essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and is scored a 6.
TWA
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
The point of making mistakes is to learn from them. If you don't learn from what you do wrong, then making mistakes has no silver lining, it is purely bad. I have come to believe this through personal experience and watching others.
When climbing the "ladder of success," each step gets you closer to the top. Therefore each step is a mistake that you learned from, a good decision, or even a stroke of luck. How could a person climb that ladder without each and every wooden rung to help them? I am human, therefor, far from perfect, I make mistakes all of the time and I am a better person because of that. You could almost say that the more mistakes a person makes, the stronger a person they are, assuming of course that they learn from them.
As a child I stole cookies from the cookie jar, lied to my parents (still happens every once in awhile), and played tricks on my brothers. I, in turn, got in trouble with my parents and was punished. After that I learned that those things aren't okay. Now I tend to make different mistakes, such as, going to places that aren't safe for me, and giving up when things get hard. Life is a huge cycle of making mistakes and learning from them. That is why people can become so wise and strong in what they do, they make good out of the bad.
I also see people close to me using problems and mistakes to make a good situation out of a bad one. My parents, my brothers, and my closest friends are all slowly building up the knowledge to be successful. How can a person be more successful by forgetting what they have already learned? That doesn't push you forward it just holds a person back. Even if a person wanted to forget their past, they couldn't. It's like forgetting that if a stove is turned on and you touch it, it will burn you.
4 (College Board): This essay develops a point of view ("Life is a huge cycle of making mistakes and learning from them") with adequate reasons and examples, thus demonstrating competent critical thinking. Generally organized and focused around the notion that remembering past learning experiences is crucial for success, the essay is marked by coherence and progression of ideas ("As a child I stole cookies from the cookiejar, lied to my parents . . . , and played tricks on my brothers. I, in turn, got in trouble with my parents and was punished. After that I learned that those things aren't okay. Now I tend to make different mistakes"). The essay also exhibits adequate facility in the use of language, despite some errors ("I am human, therefor, far from perfect, I make mistakes all of the time and I am a better person because of that"). To attain a higher score, the writer needs to support and extend the essay's argument with additional focused examples of people learning, or not learning, from their experiences. The essay demonstrates adequate mastery and is scored a 4.
IAW
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
I agree with Ms. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot in saying that some people "see old memories as a chance to reckon with the past and integrate past and present." Many people are so troubled by things that happened in their past that they are not able to focus on the present. For example, in the book Ceremony, by Leslie Marmon Silko, Tayo, the main character, can not concentrate on the present because he constantly hounds himself over things that happened during World War II and his troubled childhood. However, past memories can help people to succeed in the present. An historical example of people learning from the past would be the Marshall Plan. After the conclusion of World War II there were many countries around the world in need of economical assistence to help rebuild their war torn countries, and the United States would have to be the one to provide that assistence. Many American politicians thought it was foolish for the US government to spend money abroad on countries that would not be able to repay the loan for a long time. However, George Marshall, a former general and later Secretary of State under President Truman, remembered how the exact same argument of "why should we spend money on war torn nations that really owe us reparations?" had been used after World War I towards Germany. The lack of assistance towards Germany after World War I had caused a gigantic economic depression in Germany that had made the Mark (German money) virtually worthless. The German people became so desperate that they started supporting an extreme German nationalist named Adolf Hitler, who eventually started World War II. Marshall knew that if the US did not help war torn Germany and, especially, Japan, we could eventually have a World War III on our hands.
5 (College Board): This focused essay effectively develops its point of view and demonstrates strong critical thinking ("Many people are so troubled by things that happened in their past that they are not able to focus on the present. . . . However, past memories can help people to succeed in the present"). The essay uses appropriate reasoning and examples and demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas ("Many American politicians thought it was foolish for the US government to spend money abroad on countries that would not be able to repay the loan for a long time. However, George Marshall . . . remembered how the exact same argument . . . had been used after World War I towards Germany"). The essay also exhibits facility in the use of language. To earn a score of 6, the writer needs to achieve clearer coherence and smoother progression of ideas by integrating the example of Ceremony more effectively into the overall essay, perhaps through an extended comparison of Tayo's and Marshall's experiences of World War II. The essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery and is scored a 5.
MSI
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
Memories and past experiences serve as a rail, a guiding support, for people in an effort to succeed in the present. People not only learn from the past, but the very act of going through something provides experience for a person who is to "move up the ladder of success and achievement".
Some view failed experiences as a hinderance to future success. This is very untrue because history has a tendency of repeating itself, and in recognizing past failures, one can learn how to successfully approach similar situations in the future. An example of this is looking back in history to WWI. Sedition acts at this time allowed for the imprisonment of anyone who voiced an opinion against the president, or against the war. America recognized this shady time in its past, and instead of covering it up in a movement towards a more democratic nation, these acts were published in textbooks and taught to students. Americans saw the poor judgement of this situation and later with the war in Iraq, approached "patriotism" differently. With this present war, those adverse to the war are able to voice their opinions without fear of imprisonment or death. In seeing the undemocratic ways of an earlier era, America was able to recognize the bad and try to reform it. If the Sedition Acts had been forgotten then what is to say that they wouldn't come back? Remembering the failed times insures that improvement is possible.
In my personal experience, I have found that the very act of living through something not only matures me, but also provides skills and knowledge. In remembering past events, I am able to use them as reference, and sometimes assurance. A personal example, somewhat juvenile, but also effective, is when my first pet died. I was devastated and wanted to just clear my mind of the event, but I didn't. After time, I recovered, but maintained the memory of this horrible tragedy. Later in life, another pet died. I looked back to that memory as a guide and learned from it that in time I would be fine and to just hang on. In this situation, a memory served as a reference and catalyzed in my personal growth and recovery.
Memories, good or bad, assist people in obtaining success. Whether used as reference for guidance, or lessons on what not to do, past experiences can only offer a gap between the steps on the ladder of success. Forgetting the past can and will only erase experience and knowledge from a person and in affect hinder one in seeking achievement. In looking at historical repeats and personal events, it is clear that old memories can only aid in success.
5 (College Board): This essay effectively develops its point of view ("Memories and past experiences serve as a rail, a guiding support, for people in an effort to succeed in the present") through the appropriate examples of dissent during wartime and grieving for a pet, thus demonstrating strong critical thinking. Well organized and focused, the essay demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas ("In seeing the undemocratic ways of an earlier era, America was able to recognize the bad and try to reform it. If the Sedition Acts had been forgotten then what is to say that they wouldn't come back? Remembering the failed times insures that improvement is possible"). The essay also uses appropriate vocabulary and demonstrates effective variety in sentence structure. To earn a 6, this writer needs to achieve smoother progression of ideas by using language more skillfully (the phrase "past experiences can only offer a gap between the steps on the ladder of success" seems to express the opposite of what the writer intends). The essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery and receives a 5.
MWW
Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?
Memories can be helpful to some and hinder others. I believe that memories from different aspects of ones life have different consequences. One memory may be bad and it may be best forgotten about, when trying to succeed. Though some memories may give on strength to suceed in achieving a higher status in life.
When a person completes a task they have done once before, it trigers a memory and lets the reader reflect on that particular time in life. For example, a sporting team at the local high school makes it to the state championships, but severly loses to their opponent, the next time they get to the state championships they may think about the past and how they lost before, and it may hinder there feelings and they may once again lose. This demonstrates how a memory can ruin a certain activity for ever. On the other hand a memory can also help someone to move up the ladder of success. As an example if a person has cancer and is given treatment then diagnosed in remission they feel like they have beat the cancer.
When the patient in remission is later told that the cancer has grown back, the patient might feel that they can kill the cancer again because when looking at the past they see they have beat it once why not beat it again. This demonstrates how a memory can be helpful to a person. In this case it did not help the person climb the ladder of success though it helped the to continue climbing the ladder of life to the extent that they were able to climb.
Those two short examples just go to demonstrate how memories of the past can both help and hinder a person in their path of not only success but also in the path of life.
3 (College Board): This essay develops a point of view ("Memories can be helpful to some and hinder others") and shows some critical thinking by providing examples of the positive and negative effects of memories. However, the examples are limited in focus, featuring some lapses in coherence and progression of ideas, and are thus inadequate to support the position. The essay also demonstrates occasional problems in sentence structure and mechanics. To achieve a higher score, this writer needs to use critical thinking to clarify and expand each example by adding additional focused reasoning and details. The writer also needs to avoid using run-on sentences (". . . when looking at the past they see they have beat it once why not beat it again"). The essay demonstrates developing mastery and earns a 3.
NOS
Prompt “Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial?”
People who have a neutral perspective, are be able to see much more than those who do not. Neutrality causes one to be unbiased and unjudgemental, thus helping him/her observe much more from his/her surroundings. For example, it is crucial for a judge to remain neutral so that he/she can fairly understand both sides and resolve the conflict. If a judge was biased, then how many court cases would have unfair verdicts? Very many would because one party would have an unfair advantage over the other if the judge was not impartial.
People who only make observations from one point of view are blind to many interesting observations/discoveries that they could have made. My next door neighbor, for instance, is a very stodgy and conservative woman. She dislikes very many people based on their attire, tastes, and careers, but she does not realize that many of them, although not similar to her, are very affluent, and decent people who are worthy of being friends with.
Sometimes people can be decieved into developing a stong perspective on something and it is nearly impossible for them to remain impartial. For instance in Ralph Ellison's novel, Invisible Man, the nameless narrarator is brainwashed by the Brotherhood into developing a purely Communist approach to life. However, in the end, after many problems and dilemmas concerning the party, he finally realizes that he was only developing his principles from one perspective and that he wasted a part of his life being used for the Communist purposes of alienated minds.
The Puritans are another example of limited and biased lives. Most Puritans never realized that they only saw and lived their religious dogmas and they never even had a chance to observe or discover other ways of life, which they might have found more suitable for them.
I think that neutrality opens up many doors to new discoveries, observations and decisions. By having the ability to approach a topic or subject from any side helps one appreciate his/her environment more.
4 (College Board): This essay demonstrates adequate mastery in developing its point of view (People who only make observations from one point of view are blind to many interesting observations/discoveries that they could have made). The essay displays competent critical thinking in providing several adequate examples of biased individuals making poor judgments, from a judge and a "stodgy and conservative" neighbor to the narrator of Invisible Man. The essay is adequately organized around these examples "of limited and biased lives" and displays some progression of ideas. The essay also exhibits adequate facility in the use of language (Sometimes people can be decieved ... the nameless narrator is brainwashed by the Brotherhood into developing a purely Communist approach to life). To achieve a higher score, the essay needs to use language more effectively, make fewer mechanical errors, and provide additional focused evidence relevant to the topic. This essay is competent and earns a score of 4.
RYX
Prompt: “Can failure lead to success? Or is failure simply its own experience?”
Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success. The United States of America can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: by learning from the weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation, the founding fathers were able to create the Constitution, the document on which America is built. Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is another example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though in this case Google learned from the failures of its competitors. Another example that shows how success can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started a recruiting firm that arose from Johnson’s personal experience of being laid off.
The United States, the first great democracy of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a success achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures. After just five years of living under the Articles of Confederation, which established the United States of America as a single country for the first time, the states realized that they needed a new document and a new more powerful government. In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three years later, was the Constitution, which created a more powerful central government while also maintaining the integrity of the states. By learning from the failure of the Articles, the founding fathers created the founding document of a country that has become both the most powerful country in the world and a beacon of democracy.
Unlike the United States, which had its fair share of ups and downs over the years, the Internet search engine company, Google Inc., has suffered few setbacks since it went into business in the late 1990s. Google has succeeded by studying the failures of other companies in order to help it innovate its technology and business model. Google identified and solved the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Suddenly, Google’s search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google’s dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute.
The example of Rod Johnson’s success as an entrepreneur in the recruiting field also shows how effective learning from mistakes and failure can be. Rather than accept his failure after being laid off, Johnson decided to study it. After a month of research, Johnson realized that his failure to find a new job resulted primarily from the inefficiency of the local job placement agencies, not from his own deficiencies. A month later, Johnson created Johnson Staffing to correct this weakness in the job placement sector. Today Johnson Staffing is the largest job placement agency in South Carolina, and is in the process of expanding into a national corporation.
Failure is often seen as embarrassing, something to be denied and hidden. But as the examples of the U.S. Constitution , Google, and Rod Johnson prove, if an individual, organization, or even a nation is strong enough to face and study its failure, then that failure can become a powerful teacher. The examples of history and business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head on.
6 (SparkNotes): This essay serves up all four SAT essay ingredients. It takes a very strong and clear stance on the topic in the first sentence and sticks to it from start to finish. It uses three examples from a very diverse array of disciplines—from Internet technology to history and politics to a profile of an entrepreneur—and it never veers from using these examples to support the thesis statement’s position. The organization of the essay follows our Universal SAT Essay Template perfectly, both at the paragraph level (topic sentences and development sentences) and at the overall essay level (intro, three meaty example paragraphs, a strong conclusion). The command of language remains solid throughout. The writer does not take risks with unfamiliar vocabulary but instead chooses a few out of the ordinary words like beacon, deficiencies, and innovate that sprinkle just the right amount of special sauce throughout the essay. Sentence structure varies often, making the entire essay more interesting and engaging to the grader. Finally, no significant grammar errors disrupt the overall excellence of this SAT essay. Overall score: 6.
MRA
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
When someone comes into our lives for a long time, he or she leaves a footprint on our soul. I would say the biggest footprint in my soul comes from my little brother, Mario. Even though we’ve never had a conversation, Mario is a very big influence for three main reasons.
Mario is a peaceful person. He has a brain disease called lissencephaly. That happens when the brain is not bumpy and grooved like it’s supposed to be. He has been like this from birth, and there’s no cure. But Mario is like a little angel. He sits in his wheelchair and plays with his toys. Even though he is eight years old, he can’t walk or talk. But he has an inner peace that shines in his eyes. He never seems to worry about anything. He hardly ever cries or gets upset. He isn’t impatient like the rest of us. He just takes each day, each hour, each minute as it comes. He has taught me about being peaceful no matter what is going on around me.
Mario has also taught me about unconditional love. Unconditional love means you love someone not because of what they can do for you, or what they have done for you, but just because you love them. Mario also has influenced me to enjoy the simple gifts in life. I can run, walk, talk, and learn. Most of my friends complain about homework, girlfriends, and petty, stupid fights with their friends. But Mario, without saying anything, reminds me that it’s all good.
Not many people have a special gift like Mario in their life. I am really lucky because he has influenced me, I think, to be a better person. I’ve learned a lot about life from him, how to live and how not to live.
4 (Acing the SAT 2006): This student shows a basic understanding of the assignment. By using the example of his brother Mario, he develops a basic response to the question. Unfortunately, he uses very little sentence variety, and this detracts from the strength of the response. The vocabulary is also very basic. There is a fair amount of development, particularly in the second paragraph, with specific examples. However, the second body paragraph, about unconditional love, is unsupported. This s a fair response with good ideas that would benefit from more sophisticated grammar and vocabulary, as well as more concrete support.
GOP
Prompt: “Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it”
Benjamin Franklin once said that “Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness.” I do not agree with this statement. Because money can buy access to good healthcare. In my opinion, good healthcare is essential to happiness. Therefore, money can make you happy by keeping you healthy.
Money in the first place buys good doctors. With money, you can afford all kinds of things, like tests that check for diseases and special treatments if you find something wrong. If your pregnant you can get good prenatal care and have a good birth and in poor countries lots of women die in childbirth and lots of babies die while their infants.
If you have money you can buy an air conditioner so it’s not too hot in the summer, and you can afford to have heat all winter. You can also stay out of poor areas like slums that are generally just bad places to live. As they say, money can’t buy you love, but I think it can probably buy you good health, if you don’t feel good, it’s hard to be happy.
3 (SAT Writing Essentials): This essay score a 3. There is a loose organizational structure, and the writer does take a stand, but it is weakened by a number of disclaimers, such as I think it can probably buy and In my opinion. Remember, a direct, confident approach is best. Many points are made for which there is no evidence or other types of support (what is the connection between health and slums, for example?). Errors in grammar and spelling are plentiful, and include a sentence fragment, a run-on sentence, and confused words (their/they’re, your/you’re). The conclusion is one sentence at the end of the last paragraph, and while it does generally reiterate the thesis, it is trite, has a weakening disclaimer, and contains a comma splice.
ZOX
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
Who are the most influtential people? I would say politicians, teachers, and writers. Also our friends. Politicians influence us because they make laws. We have to follow them, if we dont, we are going to be in jail. That is a big influence on you, where you will spend your life. Teachers make you think a certain way, or they try to, at least. So they have influence too. Writers feed our brains for good or bad, their also an influence. Our friends are also a big influence. With kids our age, probly the biggest.
My friends help me decided what is important in life. One of my friends, Maria, convinced me to break up with my boyfriend. This was probably good, since I want to go to college. So she influence me positive.
Writers have also influenced me. I love to read, anything I can get my hands on. Sometimes if I’m feeling depressed, reading a book is good for me. It feels good to escape into somebody else for a while. Probably the last group for me is politicians, since I don’t break any laws their not to important to me. Teachers are more important. We should all try to influence people in our life. That would be a big help.
2 (Acing the SAT 2006): In the meaning category, it is clear that this student had little understanding of the assignment. Instead of focusing on the single most influential person in his life, he rambles on in generalities about several influential groups: politicians, writers, and friends. There is very little development, and the ideas are haphazardly thrown together without evidence of a plan. The student attempts to use examples, which are inappropriate for the task. The essay is very disorganized, jumping from one topic to another, making it hard to follow. There are also many grammatical errors that seriously detract from the paper.
GIO
Prompt: “Can failure lead to success? Or is failure simply its own experience?”
Failure can sometimes lead to success. Many Internet commerce businesses have learned from the terrible failures of the dot-com boom and bust, and today are in much stronger more successful positions than they were just a few years ago. Another example proving that failure sometimes leads to success is that of Arnold “Arnie” Wagner, a heavy metal drummer who learned to play the drums in a better different style after a crippling car accident almost killed him and his band.
Not all Internet businesses vanished when the dot-com boom went bust—some picked up the pieces, learned from their mistakes, and moved on.The Internet boom was good to online shoppers but not so great to online businesses. Shoppers reaped the benefits of all kinds of great deals and online promotions, while e-commerce businesses did themselves in. Some Internet companies realized the mistakes others were making, such as offering too deep discounts and not charging for shipping, and they now have benefited by not suffering the same pitfalls. Only the failure of other business made this happen.
Arnold “Arnie” Wagner is one of the best drummers alive today. He’s sure lucky to be alive! Arnie lost his right arm in a car crash just as his band Darkness Falls was beginning to establish success. Rather than give up and fail with his one arm, Wagner took the problem on courageously and decides to view it as an opportunity to change his drumming style. He has a special drum kit designed for him, complete with electronic pedals controlled by foot, which leads him to a new style and his band to even greater heights of success.
Failure doesn’t have to end there. Often people and businesses use other’s failures or even their own to learn from mistakes and try not to repeat them. Proof? Today Arnie Wagner is still on top of the drumming world, and many online businesses continue to thrive. The examples of history and business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head on.
4 (SparkNotes): This essay does an adequate job serving up all four SAT essay ingredients. It’s competent overall but not exceptional. More specifically, this 4 essay takes a stance on the topic in the first sentence and sticks to it, but the stance is not resoundingly clear from the start: “Failure can sometimes lead to success.” The thesis statement is vague and makes the essay’s positioning wishy-washy, which makes it weaker overall than the 6 essay’s unwavering stance. It does use examples to support its position, but its examples are not as sophisticated or as varied as the examples in the 6 essay. They’re also not linked together with transitions and occasionally veer slightly off topic.
[The essay also] contains only two examples. Though not disastrous, including only two examples limits the breadth of your support. It also makes the strength and quality of your examples all the more crucial, since having only two will make the grader scrutinize them more closely than if your support were spread over three examples.
At the sentence level, this essay does include a thesis statement and a topic sentence in the first example paragraph, but the structure begins to derail at the beginning of the second example paragraph. The writer introduces the drummer Arnie Wagner, but not in a way that is directly related to proving the thesis statement. The paragraph meanders toward a topic sentence, but never regains a sure footing. The conclusion refers back to the thesis statement in broad terms (“Failure doesn’t have to end there”), but it does not tie the essay together as well as the broadening conclusion found in the 6 essay. The command of language remains acceptable throughout. Compared to the 6 essay, this 4 essay contains significantly more spelling and grammar errors, most notably the jarring tense shift in paragraph 3. The entire passage is written in the past tense, but suddenly shifts into the present tense with the sentence that begins, “He has a special drum kit. . . .” This essay also features repetitive sentence structure that makes it a much duller read than the 6.
ACM
Prompt: Is apathy a problem in today’s society?
When people don’t care about something, it’s hard to get anything done. If a team has players that don’t really want to play, for instance, it’s almost impossible to get them to win a game, even if you’re a master motivator. That’s why it’s so important to care about
things and not have apathy.
If you don’t care about something, also, it’s just really difficult to be happy. You don’t have anything to look forward to in life. Some people don’t really care about school, and they just listen to their iPods and can’t wait to hang out with their friends or play their XBoxes when they get home. College doesn’t mean anything to them, and you can tell that they are miserable people. It’s one thing to question your teachers and wonder whether the things you learn in school are relevant for your life, but it’s entirely different to not even care about what you do in school even a little bit.
Research has shown that you can’t really get anywhere without an education, so if you don’t care about school you might as well not care about having any kind of successful life. If they would just find something important that they could care about, like a sport or a musical instrument or a job or something like that, then they might have something they could focus there life for, and have some positive purpose in life. Criminals probably come about because early on they didn’t really learn to care about anything important, and that is the real tragedy. and foreigners were slaughtered. Now, millions of people sit on their hands as religious fanatics look at the slaughter of innocent people as their ticket to paradise. It is unreasonable to believe that those with warped hatred of western cultures will stop their hatred and their evil deeds merely because they are appeased by weak governments.
2 (McGraw-Hill 2011): The essay received 2 points out of a possible 6, meaning that it demonstrates some incompetence in that it (1) has a seriously limited point of view; (2) demonstrates weak critical thinking; (3) uses inappropriate or insufficient examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its thesis; (4) is poorly focused and organized and has serious problems with coherence; (5) demonstrates frequent problems with language and sentence structure; and (6) contains errors in grammar and usage that seriously obscure the author’s meaning.
EPK
Prompt: “An influential person is one who leaves a footprint in the sand of our soul. To me, the most influential person I can think of is . . .”
I think I am the most influential person, what I do effects eternaty. There is nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it. There is always a way to suceed if you try, try again. The only thing that can limmit me is me, I can do all things I put my mind to them. There isn’t anything to be afraid of, don’t let anyone keep you down. There is a way out if you just try to. So don’t be afraid, just believe in yourself, I do and that’s good enough for me.
One time, I thought I was defeated, I wanted to be on the swim team so bad, but I had to practice. I practiced every day in the summer, and then when school start, I made the team, this shows you have to work hard.
1 (Acing the SAT 2006): This student’s essay reveals that she had no understanding of the assignment. The essay she wrote is completely off the topic. Instead of writing about an influential person in her life, she begins to discuss how she is influential in the first sentence, then inexplicably drifts to other topics. This response basically consists of inspirational phrases that are very general and unsupported. There is a total lack of development. The only example given is totally off-topic. There is no visible organizational strategy, and the grammar and spelling errors make comprehension difficult. This essay shows incompetence in writing.
MED
(College Board): This essay exhibits outstanding critical thinking by effectively and insightfully developing its point of view ("you should rely on your past without letting it control you") through the clearly appropriate example of Elie Wiesel's Holocaust memoir, Night. The essay demonstrates clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas, carefully contrasting Wiesel's success in using his memories to gain attention for his cause with the difficulty Wiesel faced in dealing with those same powerful memories. The essay uses language skillfully to convey Wiesel's struggle ("Despite the importance of recounting such memories, Wiesel acknowledges the damage that memories can also cause. Following his liberation from the Auschwitz concentration camp, Wiesel was a bitter, jaded man. He could not even write Night until several years later"). The essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and receives a 6.
DTM
(College Board): This essay provides adequate reasons and examples to support both aspects of its point of view ("I believe that one should remember the past and learn from those events. However, I also believe that many bad memories harm the present and the future"), thus demonstrating competent critical thinking. The essay is generally organized and focused and features coherence and progression of ideas. Facility in the use of language is adequate, despite some inconsistencies ("Through my knowledge, I have learned that in many bad instances, time to forget is very important"). The essay also has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics. To earn a higher score, the writer should provide additional appropriate evidence and use critical thinking to extend the discussion of situations in which "people are required to use both elements." The essay demonstrates adequate mastery and receives a 4.
MWW
(College Board): This essay develops a point of view ("Memories can be helpful to some and hinder others") and shows some critical thinking by providing examples of the positive and negative effects of memories. However, the examples are limited in focus, featuring some lapses in coherence and progression of ideas, and are thus inadequate to support the position. The essay also demonstrates occasional problems in sentence structure and mechanics. To achieve a higher score, this writer needs to use critical thinking to clarify and expand each example by adding additional focused reasoning and details. The writer also needs to avoid using run-on sentences (". . . when looking at the past they see they have beat it once why not beat it again"). The essay demonstrates developing mastery and earns a 3.
MSI
(College Board): This essay effectively develops its point of view ("Memories and past experiences serve as a rail, a guiding support, for people in an effort to succeed in the present") through the appropriate examples of dissent during wartime and grieving for a pet, thus demonstrating strong critical thinking. Well organized and focused, the essay demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas ("In seeing the undemocratic ways of an earlier era, America was able to recognize the bad and try to reform it. If the Sedition Acts had been forgotten then what is to say that they wouldn't come back? Remembering the failed times insures that improvement is possible"). The essay also uses appropriate vocabulary and demonstrates effective variety in sentence structure. To earn a 6, this writer needs to achieve smoother progression of ideas by using language more skillfully (the phrase "past experiences can only offer a gap between the steps on the ladder of success" seems to express the opposite of what the writer intends). The essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery and receives a 5.
WKP
(College Board): Although it expresses a point of view ("I think it is wrong to believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, that they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it"), this essay is seriously limited, exhibiting weak critical thinking, insufficient use of evidence, and serious problems with progression of ideas. The essay also demonstrates frequent problems in usage, grammar, and sentence structure. To achieve a higher score, the writer needs to develop the point of view with reasons and specific examples instead of merely repeating the same vague ideas ("Everything you did and saw in the past helps you to move on. . . . Everything we do has to do with our experiences in the past"). The essay demonstrates little mastery and is scored a 2.
GIO
(SparkNotes): This essay does an adequate job serving up all four SAT essay ingredients. It’s competent overall but not exceptional. More specifically, this essay takes a stance on the topic in the first sentence and sticks to it, but the stance is not resoundingly clear from the start: “Failure can sometimes lead to success.” The thesis statement is vague and makes the essay’s positioning wishy-washy, which makes it weaker overall than the 6 essay’s unwavering stance. It does use examples to support its position, but its examples are not as sophisticated or as varied as the examples in the 6 essay. They’re also not linked together with transitions and occasionally veer slightly off topic.
The essay also contains only two examples. Though not disastrous, including only two examples limits the breadth of your support. It also makes the strength and quality of your examples all the more crucial, since having only two will make the grader scrutinize them more closely than if your support were spread over three examples.
At the sentence level, this essay does include a thesis statement and a topic sentence in the first example paragraph, but the structure begins to derail at the beginning of the second example paragraph. The writer introduces the drummer Arnie Wagner, but not in a way that is directly related to proving the thesis statement. The paragraph meanders toward a topic sentence, but never regains a sure footing. The conclusion refers back to the thesis statement in broad terms (“Failure doesn’t have to end there”), but it does not tie the essay together as well as the broadening conclusion found in the 6 essay. The command of language remains acceptable throughout. Compared to a 6 essay, this essay contains significantly more spelling and grammar errors, most notably the jarring tense shift in paragraph 3. The entire passage is written in the past tense, but suddenly shifts into the present tense with the sentence that begins, “He has a special drum kit. . . .” This essay also features repetitive sentence structure that makes it a much duller read than a 6. Overall score: 4.
RYX
(SparkNotes): This essay serves up all four SAT essay ingredients. It takes a very strong and clear stance on the topic in the first sentence and sticks to it from start to finish. It uses three examples from a very diverse array of disciplines—from Internet technology to history and politics to a profile of an entrepreneur—and it never veers from using these examples to support the thesis statement’s position. The organization of the essay follows our Universal SAT Essay Template perfectly, both at the paragraph level (topic sentences and development sentences) and at the overall essay level (intro, three meaty example paragraphs, a strong conclusion). The command of language remains solid throughout. The writer does not take risks with unfamiliar vocabulary but instead chooses a few out of the ordinary words like beacon, deficiencies, and innovate that sprinkle just the right amount of special sauce throughout the essay. Sentence structure varies often, making the entire essay more interesting and engaging to the grader. Finally, no significant grammar errors disrupt the overall excellence of this SAT essay. Overall score: 6.
XZB
(Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): This essay takes a position and addresses the task competently. The thesis statement (“Most people, I believe, are unselfish by nature”) is supported with two examples. The first example, “A single parent who works two jobs to support his or her family,” is somewhat of a generalization and is not as specific as it should be. The second example shows more evidence of critical thinking in that it is more detailed and explains the “rewards” of unselfishness. The writing is straightforward, but lacks precision and liveliness. Most sentences are simple, and there is little variety in vocabulary and sentence structure. There are no major grammatical errors, just an occasional awkwardness: “These parents will buy clothes and other things for their children and do without it themselves.” Overall, this essay fits the criteria for a score of 4.
DIZ
(Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): Although this essay attempts to take a position (“all human beings have selfish desires”), it never develops the thesis. The critical thinking is weak in that it never actually addresses the duality of human nature. It does not offer any concrete examples, but only presents general statements and some vague and underdeveloped examples (“kids not sharing their toys with other kids because they want it for themselves”). When the essay does attempt to offer a specific example, it remains poorly developed (“Macbeth, the main character shows much selfishness, he does unimaginable things to the king. His selfish desires leads him to kill innocent people, and even kills the people that trusted him.”) The writer uses awkward language (“Selfishness is capable of making anyone do anything”) and has difficulty with sentence structure (fragments and run-ons). While this essay falls into the upper range of a score of 2, it does not have enough solid evidence to merit a 3.
WLK
(Cliff's SAT Cram Plan): This well-written essay shows outstanding critical thinking. The writer chose to investigate human nature rather than to definitively state one position or another. She did this thoughtfully and insightfully, using apt examples such as soldiers and ordinary citizens to illustrate different motivations for charitable actions. The writing is precise and effective, and the vocabulary is lively and appropriate: “They thrive on the glamour of uniforms, the adulation of their friends and families, and the respect of their countrymen.” The essay shows impressive control and smooth transitions from one idea to the next. The writer concludes with her optimistic opinion backed up with evidence: “Had our ancestors not sacrificed self-interest and worked together for the common good, they would have starved.” This essay clearly deserves a score of 6.
COC
(Ace the SAT Writing Even If You Hate to Write): Done well: (1) uses a relevant quote; (2) clearly states point of view on topic; (3) good use of several vocabulary words; (4) stays relatively on topic; Needs work: (1) a number of punctuation errors; (2) switching between first and third person; (3) too much repetition of word “destiny”; (4) supporting examples are vague. Overall score: 3.