Maxine's Story ~ Barbara: Her Birth Story

Maxine's Story

Barbara: Her Birth Story

The birth of our second child was a totally different experience from the birth of our first---with one exception. By now we were an established family---and doing well. We had a little boy who made our lives so fun! Hank had completed a 3 year apprenticeship training program and was a journeyman bricklayer. We were slowly building our home, paying for it as we went, and had adjusted to marriage. Life was good! We had experience! Somehow I expected the pregnancy to be different. It wasn't.

A miserable few months of terrible nausea, followed by various other miseries. Nonetheless, this baby was planned and very much wanted. David was almost four, and it was time to get him a brother. At least that is what I expected. Most of our family, and friends who were having children, were getting either boys---or girls, hardly anyone was having both. Again I made the layette as we called it---diapers and gowns and sacques---but much wiser now, no pink! I didn't have much leftover clothing from David---he managed to stain or wear out most everything.

I was due to deliver in August---it was poor timing! Hot. Hot. Hot. I remember that whenever I sat down I put my swollen feet in a tub of ice water ...

I had kept my weight down and had a Doctor (Thompson) who saw that I did. Dr. Bissett had given up on maternity cases by then and I liked Dr. George Thompson very much.

It was a long 9 months---or almost 9 months. About 10 days before my due date I realized that labor was beginning---and off we went. David of course, going to my Mothers. I went back to St. Vincent's Hospital. Again there were initial preparations---and while I had heaviness and bearing down feelings, there was no pain at first, After a few hours, spent mostly walking around, I did experience a couple of pretty sharp pains---which I remember thinking were no picnic, but the nurse said she would give me something to relax me---and sleep soon followed. I remember little else---until I heard a female voice saying "wake up Mrs. Hansen, you have a little daughter". The voice insisted---and my reaction was disbelief! I thought she was teasing me! Then I opened my eyes and realized that it was a Nun and she was holding a baby!

I remember thinking "Nuns don't lie!" But I was so doubtful that she said "well lets look!" She then completely unwrapped this tiny baby and sure enough, I had a daughter. She weighed 6½ lb.---the date was August 10, 1952, a Sunday once again.

I don't remember ever feeling such happiness or contentment as I did at that time. I had everything I wanted---and too, that miserable pregnancy was over! Hank was thrilled and David was too. Our love just enveloped this addition to our family.

My hospital stay was shorter, about 5 days I believe. The bill was a bit higher---and there was a $2 a day charge for the baby---how cute I thought! Daddies were kept in the waiting room and out of the way, but finally the time came and we were all together at last.

At home we ran into trouble fast. Barbara had at least tried to nurse---but the combination of her size (tiny), and my poor nipples made it so difficult---it just was not working. Dr. Thompson took care of that quickly---back to canned milk. There was no pressure to breastfeed.

It soon became obvious that in spite of our love and attention, we had a cranky baby. Nothing we did made her any happier---nothing. We tried anything that anybody suggested. When we had our second week visit with our Doctor, I was introduced to a substitute---Dr. Thompson wasn't available. Mother accompanied me that day, and when we heard this Doctors' solution to our colicky baby, she was as irate as I was. "Hold her closer and make her feel loved and secure" was his advice! Well Mother, who ordinarily wouldn't have spoken at all said "There is no baby on the earth that receives more love and attention or is more wanted that this baby!"

Obviously we hadn't solved anything at the clinic so it was back home to trial and error. We switched from the canned milk to a formula, which was available by then---no change. We walked the floor---somehow these pains are worse at night. We didn't believe in pacifiers! It is hard to understand now, but at that time there were negative connotations associated with the use of pacifiers---like only lazy mothers would use one! Craziness! Warm water with peppermint didn't help.

We were wearing down when in desperation I tried something new. I had a tiny hot water bottle---shaped like a teddy bear. Someone had given it to me. I filled it with warm water, laid our little Barbara on her stomach and covered her with several blankets. VOILA! She slept---we slept. Pick her up---she cried---put her back---warm water bottle---lots of blankets---we all slept. Keep in mind---this was August!

She outgrew the hot water bottle---but she never learned to like being held or cuddled. This was very frustrating to all of us---we wanted to love our baby ---she wanted to be left alone. I had a rocking chair given to me by then---and how I looked forward to rocking my new baby. It never worked. I tried, off and on for years really, until finally one day when she was old enough to talk. She quietly let me hold her and rock her and I was satisfied---until she turned and looked at me and said "Do we have to do this any longer?" I knew when I was defeated.

It didn't keep us from adoring our daughter. She was so cute with big blue eyes and blonde hair that had developed curls. I made her little dresses and loved to add the smocking and embroidery and trims that we thought made them special. While David was rough and tumble and all boy, Barbara was definitely very dainty and feminine.

One day I watched her toddle across the floor and over a small throw rug that kind of tangled under her feet. She stopped and turned around and smoothed it out! I knew at that moment why Mothers wanted daughters---David would have never even noticed a wrinkled throw rug---nor would he have straightened it if he had!

Barbara walked and talked---potty trained---right on schedule. In many ways the second baby was easier---she was learning from David, who loved to care for her.

By December of that year, 1952, our home was completed enough that we could move in. It was so wonderful having lots of room! Our little one room house was hauled away---and we were glad to see it go. It had served it's purpose---a place to live, rent free, while Hank fulfilled his dream of building his own home.

My brother, Fred had married in 1950 and soon had 2 sons. My sister, Iris married in 1951. Our extended family was growing---but Barbara was the only granddaughter.

My sister, Deloris, moved into an apartment in Portland, where she worked. Because we now had room for her, she occasionally stayed a weekend with us. She adored her niece and nephew---since she had no prospects of having children, she loved our babies as if they were her own---and they loved her with great enthusiasm! Those were happy, happy times.

It is easier to remember the antics of our first born. By now our social world was also expanding, and we were caught up in increasingly busy schedules. Whereas David was a rowdy show-off---always the center of attention, Barbara was much quieter and tended to amuse herself. She played with the dolls and dishes and did 'girl' things!

It was fun to sew for her at first, and to dress her in cute clothes. Mother crocheted a little dress---the color was neutral---ecru---and we made a blue colored slip to go underneath. The stitch was an open one so that the color showed through. We loved that dress---and learned to our surprise later on that she did not! She hated it. And too, she hated all attempts to put her in anything new---dresses or shoes. We had to force them on her---crying. crying, crying---until we just gave up trying. We bought what we had to, guessing at sizes, simply putting them into the closet until they were no longer new---or she became used to seeing them, then she would agree to wearing them.

Where David always woke from sleep smiling and ready to go, Barbara woke up crying---or grouchy, and a leave me alone attitude. I had assumed that David's happy-go-lucky personality was a result of our parenting efforts. Barbara's different attitude helped me to understand that I had little to do with who they are---they simply came to us with their own agenda and gifts, precious each one in his or her own way.

One of Barbara's special gifts was music. She began piano lessons very early and soon switched to the organ. We never once had to urge her to practice. She played whenever asked without complaint. At about age twelve she and her friend Marjorie Brown, played a piano-organ duet in Sacrament meeting. I was so proud of her I wept.

It took a long time---I am still working on it in fact---to realize that my job is to just stay out of the way---applaud whatever they do---love them unconditionally---take no credit---and I try to take no blame. Sometimes it works! It is also my job to be proud I think---and indeed I am.

Pages 73 - 77

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