Humor 2

Raccoon Bite is inspired by a first aid seminar I attended, which featured a fictional raccoon bite. Raccoons pick through trash and they carry a lot of nasty germs. If you are bit by a raccoon, you should follow the instructions demonstrated prior to seeking professional medical attention. My research suggests that were-raccoon-ism should technically be called procanthropy.

Salmontaschen was inspired by my mother-in-law and my two cats. My mother-in-law baked a batch of delicious Hamantashen (jam-filled cookies) for me and my wife. I arranged them attractively on a platter. The next morning I found one of these intact on the floor in the hallway; apparently during the night, one or both of my cats decided to play hockey with one of these cookies, which they did not find appetizing enough to nibble on.

Ykrop the Tem(p)tation Demon was inspired by a family friend. This family friend has an eating compulsion, but somehow she keeps it in control (she's so skinny, I could hate her!). Also, one time she had me unclog her bathroom sink, and I eventually fished out some kind of syringe-like device which was causing the clog (she has no idea where it came from; she suspects the device was some kind of marinade injector). So, tying these two facts together, the only possible explanation is that there is an invisible incompetent piglike demon lurking in her house who is responsible for both.

I would like to take a moment to outline the following (theoretical) drama formulae:

Good + Competence inspires respect. (Heroic)

Good + Incompetence inspires pity. (Foolish)

Evil + Competence inspires fear. (Villainous)

Evil + Incompetence inspires comedy. (Buffoon)

There is an element of irony here, in that Ykrop has the duty to ruin his unnamed victim's life through temptation, yet Ykrop himself is unable to resist temptation, and this ruins his own life.

Ykrop is, of course, "Porky" spelled backwards.

I was reading "Tall Dark and Dead", a romance novel featuring a witch who falls in love with a vampire, and so I had witches on the brain when a female wiccan-friendly friend showed my wife some "Chinese Wand Exercises" which just happen to call for a wand suspiciously close to the size of a broom. I didn't watch the exercises, so I will just assume these exercises are more of those witchy feminine mysteries I won't understand. (Note to wiccans: people love health and exercise scams! Trademark "Witchercise" and start recording Chinese Wand Exercise videos featuring brooms! Emphasize "life force energy" or "spirit energy" or something; make it gothy, film it in a spooky location, and capture a whole new market! Sell your own line of brooms! Money is out there, go clean it up!)