Ex-Member Letters

This page contains many, many letters addressed to me at the original Lessons in Awareness site, or taken from the yahoo support group site. Personal letters from ex-members in various states of recovery from TIP. All letters are re-printed with permission, some have asked to have their names removed for safety reasons. Thank you all for adding a collective view of 'the training'.

Letter to Trainers

From: (name removed)

To: dkmuir@lessonsinawareness.com

Saturday, February 24, 2007 3:44:54

Letter to those in Training

To all my healing buddies and colleagues in Training in Power. I love you. It’s hard to loose the closeness we once shared. I chose to speak out about my experiences in Training in Power. I chose to, in Light, share what happened for me there. I chose to express my opinion, my thoughts and my feelings. This is a free world. All my life I have fought for freedom and peace. I’ve worked ceaselessly to be kind and loving. It has been my focus since the beginning of time. My quest this time round to hurt no one. You all knew me in Training as loving and grounded.

I've found since leaving tip that I have a different perspective on the whole tip thing than I've had in the past. I don't believe that I am under attack. I am getting my life back.

I believe that there was and is harm done in tip. I encourage you to consider what you find here on the new Lessons in Awareness site. I realize that you have been told that this site and those of us who choose to post to it are in “Malicious Attack”. I address this letter to Trainers specifically because I understand that you were told to come onto this website to read my letters.

Consider the possibility that we are on to something. Consider the possibility that even if you take care of yourself, "Self-first", by not taking on so much that you burn out or go into sacrifice, that you wind up carrying with you the unconscious or not so unconscious guilt and judgment of not doing all you should do. Consider the possibility that we are re-traumatized in the training and then when someone assists us we are so grateful that we remain hooked never realizing perhaps we did not need to be traumatized to heal.

I know I once was extremely passionate about the tip work. No one could have talked me into leaving despite my own concerns with tip. Today I have a different perspective. I am free. Free of the mind control. Free to question. Free to explore what I need. It is not evil or malicious to express an opinion. I am committed to Awareness and Education. Every person has a right to know the whole story and the whole story includes the stories of those who did not find the training a healing place to be. You can believe what you choose. I am working to empower people so they can make informed choices.

I, personally, would not ever have gone near the Church of Scientology, the Jehovah Witnesses, or any Fundamentalist Christian Church. I knew exactly what they were. I knew they were cults. I knew they preached about having the only way to Heaven – about hell, fire and damnation. When I joined Training In Power, there was no Lessons in Awareness website. I did not know what I was getting into. Had I known I would not have chosen the tip path. I believe I chose that path, that journey because I needed to learn something.

I’ve learned; the Truth isn’t always what it seems to be. I’ve learned that just because something feels and looks good doesn’t mean it is good. I’ve learned that in order to discern what is good or bad for you, you must first be able to question. I’ve learned to take back my power - to trust myself to know what is best for me - to trust my connection to God. I’ve learned we are all equal. There is no one above another. I’ve learned to look deeper. I’ve learned to have compassion for myself and for those, like me, who’ve chosen to leave tip. I’ve learned not to give my power away ever again to an organization or a person. I’ve learned to step through any fear I have of speaking up and do it anyway. I’ve learned that Training In Power has so many attributes of a CULT that it would be hard to call it anything but what it is, a CULT. I’ve learned what mind control is and how it happens. I’ve learned if you tell my friends who are still in the training that I am in malicious intent and they believe you then they will live in fear of being taken out by whatever evil force it was that got me and they will stay dedicated and devoted to the system that is saving them.

I’ve learned that the ex-trainers do not need to do anything to be accused of malicious attack. I’ve learned that the Power is self-policing unless you’re an ex-trainer whose gone into Maliciousness and Evil and then apparently you have unimaginable abilities and powers.

I’ve learned that Source, Love and Light are on my side too. Right here with me.

For those of you who were warned about the dangers of visiting and reading what’s on this site, let me tell you this one thing of great importance. I stayed absolutely away from this site. I lived in fear of being taken off my path. And when I began to question, when I could no longer deny the truth of what I knew and saw as incorrect, I talked to very few people in or out of the training, because I knew I needed to make my own decision to leave. I knew I needed to be influenced by no one. I prayed and meditated and talked to Source. And when I knew I had to leave to save my life, I left. At the time I was still so scared about leaving, scared of leaving friends, and scared of backlash that I focused on leaving to get on with my journey. I said all the right things to avoid being called evil or told I was under attack.

I went to this site after I left tip. I went to these amazing creative caring enduring beings of light that I might know what was happening to me as I began the process of truly freeing myself. Then and only then did I come to this site. These ex-trainers helped me to make sense of the craziness that happens when all that repressed fear begins to surface. When leaving means all your most important friendships change dramatically, when leaving means finding your way back out of the fantasy that is tip and back into the real world with real people, when leaving means opening yourself up to not being liked, to rejection, to abandonment. When leaving means that you have no one to talk to about the most important thing that’s happening in your life. The people who left before me, these are the people who knew and know what it’s like to grieve something that’s been so important in your life - To lose a whole community. For many of them the losses where even more staggering than my own.

My soul craved freedom. Hummingbird cannot be caged or she will die. I needed freedom like the hummingbird needs freedom. I needed to fly again, to hear celestial music, to surround myself in JOY. I am a being of light and love. Ever was and always will be. I have come again to know all these ex-trainers here as beings of light and love too. They seek justice and truth. They seek to share from their depth of their hearts, knowledge and experience with others needing and wanting to leave tip. I for one have benefited immensely from this website and from contact with this group. (name removed)

Level Vll

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 10:29:45 -0800

Hi there! Thanks for your response. It is hard to be in this place when so many of my friends despite how much negativity they may express about the training they are not here where I am. I think my leaving has only set them deeper in. I am torn between my friends and between what I know.

I imagine the reasons I've left are similar to many. I could no longer reconcile myself with the double binds. "Love is all there is - all else is illusion", but if you don't use your power you will attract those that will destroy you for it. all out fear tactics.

I am a Level VII and if I believe what I'm told in Level VII - well then my leaving means I'm under huge attack right now and covered in Nephilim. I know that is not true. I am a being of Light and Love. My friends in the training all say they support whatever decision I make and I know from having been there that they cannot look at me without looking for signs of the bad that will surely follow. Many have asked me if I'll heal with them and cannot fathom why I will not do the Level VII healings or any healings for that matter.

I have stayed connected to the church - thinking maybe I could at least stay connected to my friends and not have to make it all bad. However, yesterday at church they were asked to share what brought them to the training. I kept inside repeating my own mantra. "Love is what I am and Love is what I do." but you can imagine that I felt I was being sucked in by some unseen force - stalked. I held in Light and Love.

I'm very focused right now on staying in a place of Joy, Love and Peace as that is what I wish to attract. As I have grown more and more familiar with the laws of attraction, I've felt more and more out of sync with the training.

I knew when it changed but for a long time couldn't remember what happened, and then I did. I was chairing the Social Committee. I was slammed by a senior level at the pre-party. I held in Love because I am good at doing that and I did what I needed to do. Saturday night at the Winter Solstice, a senior level and minister (neither of the Karen's) decided to shame and scold me for not doing something, I could not have known needed to be done. I spent 1/2 hour outside crying and trying to recover from this triggering event. She did not apologize for slamming me. I did not slam back because I will not be abusive in response to abuse, and yes there was harm done.

I didn't want to go to the retreat. I kept trying to get the passion back but I kept running into senior levels who slammed me in one way or another for merely being and doing what I do and that is to be of light. I spoke once at a meeting as an auditor from my heart about the focus. The supervisor whom I have known, loved and respected, came up to me after. I opened my arms expecting they wanted a hug as I had only love in my heart, and this person demanded to know what I thought I was doing in my share - that it wasn't my job to clear the room - on and on. The rant went on about "how dare I' and I left triggered in tears, flying out of the room - not knowing then or now, what I had done wrong. I could never speak again at a meeting without a great deal of self-censoring and care.

Then there was the shaming of a Level VII at Level VI and then the shaming of all the VI's. We're taught that this is all attack right, but there is Harm done and inside was a voice that kept screaming "Yes Harm Done". Then there was the shaming of the Level VII's at the Level VII retreat for not doing more and taking on more in the community healing groups. Since it was all I could do to keep holding this position - every two weeks and under no circumstances could I have taken on more clients, I was deeply shaken. I came so close to leaving at that moment and I sent out a prayer. I said "God make this shaming stop, change what's happening here" and it shifted and Faye came back to a place of Love and "Yes Harm Done".

I could never get my passion back to teach, I could never really get my passion for tip back.

I am at times angry, incredibly angry, that I gave my power away to senior levels and to an organization. If FAYE does not clean up her act - none of those senior levels that have her style of modus operandi will. This is simply not in my nature. I know without a doubt when I am out of line, when I hit someone energetically even if I have said no unkind words. I go back and apologize. I want you to know I'm sorry and that wasn't about you, I was upset about something else and you happened to come by and I'm really sorry because you didn't deserve that and I deserve nothing less than that from others.

Am I afraid. You bet I am. Could I talk to Faye about my concerns. I will not. Do I ask for help and protection every day from the Angels. Yes! Have I been shown How loved and protected I am.

Do I feel conflicted at times. Yes I loved the training, I loved the senior levels and the ministers. I want to see the Divine in all things.

I think the hardest thing right now is adjusting to the change - it's knowing that each week it gets harder to hang around with people who I love because always there is some way in which they talk about how wonderful the training is. Nobody talks to me anymore about their grievances only about how wonderful it all is. I feel sad at how wrapped they are and I feel sad because I know I did and said what they are doing and saying. Everyday I clean the slate, clearing away and forgiving, cutting cords and filling with Love and Light and sending Light for healing and renewal.

I am ecstatically joyful!!!! The joy I felt when I took myself with clear intent out of the tandem was unbelievable - amazing, awesome, awe inspiring peace, quiet, solitude.

I actually think people get sick physically in the training - I see it everywhere and I know the physics is wrong on the tandem and on the community healings. They might work sometimes but the ones holding them get sick. I believe that we should only do the healing and set it down - never hold them in the hospital or whatever. If you are holding a line open to them, you are open to getting sick and you are not helping them do anything but feed.

I guess that's said almost all I need to say.

The money was also an issue. I was tired of not really telling my own children or family what I spent to be in training - another secret and I had shame about this - and why maybe because I knew it wasn't right for me.

I ask forgiveness from all of those who have left tip before me, for I did not know what I was doing in not listening to you, and I am deeply grateful to know you are all out there and thriving beyond tip. It is scary too because I know as I move into being one of those who left - really has left I know I will be shunned. and yet how can I stay even in the church. I don't want to have anything to do with bringing people to this and I am still reconciling not loving tip anymore. There are some who want me to be a Wayshower, showing others that you can stay involved through the church and still be okay but how can I? I know at some level it would only leave me open to being slammed at some point by someone and guess what I don't deserve that ever!

I am praying every day for assistance and help in this adjustment period. In light, love, joy, peace, happiness and prosperity

(Name withheld by request).

"Worming"

Sent: Sunday, February 25, 2007 6:58 AM

Christiane, Germany

Dear Trainers,

I want you to know, that I burst out laughing, hearing, that we, the ex-members of tip, are accused of sending as an attack “WORMS – BLACK SORCERY WORMS – WORMS with KILLING ENERGY” --- and that FF had to set up a specific healing technique, so that you can get rid of them. Otherwise your life is endangered.

Well, here is my sharing, how I personally think about your worm-disaster:

For me this accusation is nothing else as a very fun science fiction comic, which I enjoyed very much. Nevertheless, I “recorded” this experience for the universe, so that it is taken care of.

Sharing this ridiculous worm-story with some of my friends in Germany, who also have been in TIP, caused that they laughed so much, that they were rolling at the ground and almost peed in their pants……..And some others said: Wow – how mean and insidious to say something like this!

To name it right away quite bluntly: This worm-story is clean nuts --- !!! You guys get betrayed, manipulated, mislead, fooled and brainwashed by a BIG LIE from your teacher and founder, who is using once again - after countless examples - this fear based tactic with hidden agendas to control as well you personally, as also the whole tip community.

We ex members are more than glad that we don’t have to deal with such craziness anymore. Be sure: we are not wasting our time with these made up fantasy worms. The worms we are interested in are the ones who help us in the garden to have excellent soil for our flowers, veggies and plants. Some might be also interested in the worms they need to go fishing. We are back in the reality and this is a big relief.

Hey you guys --- Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!!!

This worm-example shows “par excellence” how much you are getting sucked into the founder’s paranoid fantasy world, which is obviously governed by more than severe mental health problems.

The harm and the damage done to students by them need to stop!

I am very sorry for the ones, who got scared by these accusations against us. We are all devastated to imagine how many students get once again badly hurt, damaged or even seriously paranoid by this severe BIG -Worm - LIE.

How deeply saddening to realise the intensity of the founder’s personal mental health problems. All the battles you are fighting right now together with her in all the levels and in these additional made up worm-stories, are the battles, she needs to fight in herself. It is just and only her world - her reality - her torture - her sincere life drama, which must be hell to live with. It is a real tragedy in one’s life to only allow battles “ battles” battles and having always “enemies” around, with the intend to get you and to kill you. Just imagine, how a life must be, which is governed by this constant paranoid conception of humans and the world. Help is needed here! Urgently!

We Ex-members know very well, how much we were also woven in FF’s projected story for a long time in our lives. We know, how it is to have this personal inner hell of the founder projected on us and on the world under the name, to “teach” us to join her to fight back what will get and destroy her and us as the so important ones, who will rescue the world. We also believed her – like you. We also trusted her – like you. We were also fighting – like you - for years with FF against everything she told us were around us to destroy her / us. We would also have fought against “these actual worms” and it senders – as you do now. We would have “seen and felt” them and we would have used our “psychic gifts and brilliance” to protect us – as you do right now. We know very well, how it is, to be caught in this cult and there is a lot of empathy for you and your situation.

We are out of this cult-nightmare. And now we can see and understand, that all these “battles” and “worms” and “other weird monster creatures”, you are learning about in all the different levels, are nothing else as an invitation and seduction to play childish, like 4-12 year old ones, “battling” in a sand box. It is just one of these typical illusionary fantasy games which you can also play meanwhile for more than a 100 levels at the computer.. How many levels do you have now in tip? Guess what – there is no ending. More and more will come.

The difference is, that the students in tip are only the game-figures in this multi-level game tip, and the player = the founder and teacher, creates the story and has the dominion of how to play this game, means also which function a student has and how he/she has to act to follow the rules. And when the creator says, ex-members are sending worms – I have found them and I can help you to get rid of them, then you have entered only one other part of this game. And so it will go on…….and on…..

If you ever choose to step out of this crazy making game = cult tip, and you are seeking help and support, please go to : “contact us” here on this site.

There is now a lot of different support available, and we ex-members are very satisfied, that we can offer such support to those, who are asking for help.

Playing with these fantasy-worms! how funny….well, this chapter in my life book is finished for a long time. I am very busy creating much more fun chapters now and I love, how things have shifted and changed in my life.

Stay well. Take care of yourself!

Making Peace with Leaving Training In Power

I’m discovering this is no easy task. Friends in tip do not understand the depth of indoctrination that is happening to them just as I did not. It’s only now when I find myself feeling the impact of leaving - the memories of how sad everyone is in the training, as if you’ve died!

I remember the feeling well. I didn’t understand the impact of that system on the ones who’d left. Even when friends love you it still leaves you feeling like something must be inherently wrong with you to have left. Of course that’s taking on the training’s perspective but it seeps into you and it’s hard to shake, when you know that they look at you as suspect, when they are on guard around you so as to not take on the attack or whatever got you. As an ex-trainer, I know when I’m being watched, when my friends are “on guard” around me. Not a good feeling! And then of course they will feel shaken if you speak the truth to them. It’s awful sometimes to know the inside story.

I’m working at getting reconnected with the community that I left or slowly disappeared from! It’s a big task and it doesn’t happen quickly just as leaving it didn’t happen quickly but rather happened over time. I tell people now who have friends outside of the training to stay connected to those non-trainers - that it will give them perspective on what’s happening.

I had a revelation this morning that I wanted to share here. I was praying and asking for assistance to clear myself of the leftover fear and angst at leaving and over changing friendships, the loss of so many things before anything else fills the gap. As I was trying to get free of what people in tip might think of me for leaving, I suddenly heard these words, crystal clear, “everybody finds their tipping point sometime”. I suddenly knew I left because I reached my tipping point not because I was under attack or being taken out. I felt a huge sense of relief. I knew that Everybody finds their tipping point sometime - to me that meant that those still in Training in Power who agonize over leaving, wrestle with the need and desire to leave, feel angry and betrayed, are shamed by other trainers, or feel uncomfortable watching a student or colleague be shamed, they too will reach their tipping point and staying will not be an option, and it will not be about attack or anything being wrong with them. It will be about them taking a stand for Freedom and Joy and Peace of mind. It will be about self-acceptance and self-love. It will be about coming back to their very own centre.

If someone yells and screams at you, slams you with shame, belittles you, it doesn’t matter what level they are or who they are, their vibration is in the toilet. They are not “In Position”. If they want to make you wrong for their bad behavior and are still not ready to own that shaming is harmful and destructive, please don’t take that on. No one deserves to be shamed.

I am pretty tired of hearing about attack being the cause of such behavior. I feel angry when that line of reasoning is used to defend shaming, abusive behavior. It implies the person is not accountable for their behavior. That’s like saying the person who sexually abused you wasn’t responsible for or accountable for his/her abusive behavior.. I can love the person, and still the behavior is wrong.

Silence is consent. Many years ago one of the gentlest most Spiritual men I’ve met in this lifetime said those words to me. Silence is Consent. I can still hear his voice, the quiet, powerful undisputed words being spoken. Each time I’d witness someone being publicly shamed and I did not stand up and protest, I’d hear him saying to me, SILENCE IS CONSENT. I am not willing to remain silent about what I see and know to be incorrect. I’m glad you’ve found this site and are reading these words. Perhaps they were written just for you. Know that you are loved. There truly is no one above another. No one has the answers about your journey, your purpose here; only you and God know that. Being totally present in the ordinary moments, in an ordinary life is extraordinary.

I went looking for healing in all areas of my life. In retrospect, I wonder if I needed to be re-traumatized so often to get that healing. To be so often in reaction because of some crazy thing someone said or read on me. To feel horrible because I was told I was sending out lines to hook somebody in. I no longer feel crazy or bad about who I am in reference to that incident. What people think they see psychically isn’t always correct. Many times, many times they are projecting.

I know when I’ve been hurtful or unkind. It doesn’t feel good. I will go back to that person and apologize. I let them know that I am sorry, and that whatever it was that I had said or done had nothing to do with them, it was my stuff.

When you do that, the person you accidentally flung your energy at, feels validated, heard, valued. They can stop feeling crazy wondering what they did to upset you. The air clears between the two of you. I could not understand if I knew and saw that, how was it that someone in a senior level to me, could fling their energy and anger around and blame the person they were flinging it at and never go back and own what they’d done. That didn’t make sense to me. I could no longer see those senior levels as having a high vibration. How can you be abusive and maintain a high vibration. You simply can’t.

And yet this was being modeled over and over in the training. I’m not in any way saying that everyone is like that. I know absolutely there are many loving Trainers who know the difference and would not behave in those ways. However, we’ve all witnessed the public shaming that goes on of individuals and of Levels, by Faye, and many of us, including me, remain silent – we are afraid, afraid. Isn’t that crazy. In an organization of Light, and Truth. We are afraid! SILENCE IS CONSENT and so the abuse continues.

In light of all this I am choosing to sign my name here despite this crazy fear.

Much love, light, peace and joy. (name removed)

Level lll, March 2006

From: lev lll student leaving training

I want to share a story with you about my experience (omitted for privacy). I feel freedom and an enormous sense of relief with my decision {to leave}, and find it interesting that I made the decision AND felt that way before I started reading everybody else's experiences. I am a light worker, I have known this for most of my life, and I work on assisting the healing of others every day. I am looking forward to expanding my own physical reality in terms of financial gain, because I now realize that I don't need to pay anybody for any more lessons. (name withheld)

Returning to a semblance of "normal"

Hi there,

As many others I would like to remain anonymous. I have been following your website since you posted it a while back. There's power in numbers so I thought I’d add my story to the list.

"I enrolled in TIP several years ago as my partner had taken the first 2 levels and was pretty darned committed to continuing. I tried to tell myself that I enrolled because I wanted to and not because I felt I had too in order to help our relationship. The training was having an effect on our relationship (as I knew it) since social engagements were becoming very "TIP-oriented", and we were spending little time with our "other" friends. Not to mention that when I tried to have discussions about this issue I was told I was being self-important and other jargon from the TIP vocabulary. It suddenly became all about me and my shortcomings...................not the 2-way open conversations I was accustomed to having. So off I embarked on my TIP journey.

I completed Level I and I have to admit that I did benefit. Prior to Level 1 I did not meditate so the tools acquired in this level were timely and rewarding (but these tools are available just about anywhere). I did however have a lot of questions regarding some of the course material and the fee structure. I was totally baffled at the "weigh control room" as it implied something negative about people with weight issues. And of course the whole concept of Level 1 being equivalent to spending years in a cave or something or other was well just plain unbelievable. Also, I could not understand how a group with a mandate to "heal" would not make allowances for people of lower income brackets; a sliding fee structure so to speak based on your income.

Despite my concerns, my partner was still committed so I decided to enroll in Level II. That of course meant getting my Level I "clearing".......cash grab! As so many before me have mentioned I was told that I had "likely" been abused based on one of my card draws. Afterwards I meditated and mediated trying to identify my "abuser" and at what time in my life I had been abused. I almost had myself convinced that I had been abused as a child by a family friend, but in the end decided that I really and truly have never been sexually abused. I still take that stand. However the power of suggestion in the Level I clearing was very effective. After completing Level II I still felt the same about the training and decided that maybe I just wasn't engaging enough so I made a point of going to the focuses and attending healings. The healings were just downright bizarre. I had asked in class why we couldn't just "unhook" the feeling of betrayal in our regression pool and naturally I got one of those canned answers which really didn't answer my question at all.

During the focuses I was uncomfortable with the addressors in that 1) they are not trained and some of the addressees have some pretty serious issues; and, 2) there seemed to be that feeling of hierarchy, that we weren't all equal in that room. The latter feeling is one I experienced often, not just during the focuses, but also during other gatherings (or is that self-importance!!! which is sure is what I would have been told).

My partner was moving forward; "the push for 6" or whatever, the term drove me nuts! Despite the fact that I too was in the training I did not find it any easier with regards to our relationship. I recall saying to one of the "teachers" that there should be a support group for partners of people in TIP. I had just simply decided that what happens happens and there's not much I can do about it. My partner was not about to leave the training for me (did I mention this was a long-term loving relationship). I was considering taking Level III and decided that I just could not pursue something that I felt very critical and resentful towards. Shortly thereafter my partner received "the email" which was the turning point for my partner. We have both left the training and have not looked back since.

Thank-you thank-you thank-you. Our life is returning to a semblance of "normal" and for that I am forever thankful.

[Name withheld by request]

"The very reason they initially sought out the training - to heal from such attack in their past"

(Letter of Resignation from Training in Power)

As I do not know to whom I should direct this letter, I am sending it to the entire board. I am writing to inform you that, effective immediately, I am resigning from the Training in Power organization.

Although I find the healing systems and the energy work profound and of immense value, I no longer wish to continue with an organization that, in my view, adopts strategies that are not in alignment with divine law.

I have witnessed “instructions’ which I feel are a mis-use of power, such as:

Students being told that if they leave the training their vibration will fall, “ they will fall’. In my view, this is use of fear to dissuade students from leaving the training - not unlike the church saying “if you do this (or don’t do that), you will go to hell’.

I have witnessed fellow students being shamed and humiliated in class and, in some instances, outright verbally attacked. In my opinion, this is verbal abuse, no matter what package it comes in or for what reason, and for many this is the very reason they initially sought out the training - to heal from such attack in their past. Whether it is from your mother or a colleague, it is verbal abuse.

The contradictions within the Training. For instance, in Level III we are told to “be the masters that we are and walk amongst the people’, then in Level VI we are told “you must let go of anyone which is not of the light’. Not only is this a contradiction, but also it is a direct violation of the divine law of Free Will and no person has the right to impede his or her views upon another in that manner. Yes, we do have free will to adhere to the rule, or not, but the instruction itself is a direct violation of free will by imposing ones beliefs upon another.

I have also witnessed, and been the recipient of, verbal attack when one disagrees with the answer given by the teacher. This was deemed “attack’ on the teacher and the students were then cut-off and ignored, after a verbal onslaught as to why the person was attacking the teacher.

I feel this is not conducive to an open, respectful and communicative healing environment in which one feels safe to step forward to heal that which they need to. This also does not lend to an organization that is striving for growth and change from those within the organization itself, particularly those in the “lower ranks’. I find this to be a “it’s true because I say it is’ dynamic which is an authoritarian and hierarchal system. This does not foster an open and progressive healing environment.

I share the above not to attack anyone, or the organization, but rather to be open and honest so that each individual, and the organization as a whole, may address these issues. I can only assume that others have experienced and pondered the same or similar. I cannot help but wonder how many phenomenal students and teachers have been lost because of these and other issues.

It has taken me much time and searching within myself to come to this conclusion as, as I have mentioned, I find this work to be very profound. I am no longer able to ignore the subtle, and anything but subtle, messages and validation that my body has been communicating to me for some time now. I MUST follow my true, inner knowing and the innate wisdom from within – which is to exercise my free will and resign from the training.

I wish each and every one of you and the organization as a whole the very best now and always - no matter where your path may lead.

In love and light,

Wendy Fuentes

Thank you for the link to the site

Wow

I think everyone should know of this site, and make their own educated choices about the Training.

I have to say reading the blog with the notes for Level lX just further reminded me of my feelings at Level 6 retreat. I remember how much grief and hysterics I felt, the night after first witnessing upper levels share their names.....

How completely screwy I felt....questioning.....so this is what I have been "brought up" to accept? This has been the plan all along? Hearing the story of "the Fall" ......the experience was alienating and upsetting beyond belief. I could see clearly how each of the previous "battles" would now dismiss any doubt or questioning in my mind. The teachings are insidious like that. Question or disagree with something, and you’re in (choose one that applies): denial, under attack, mind parasites, .and so on. Creates a crazy loop in one’s psyche

My choice to leave was most definitely a choice of returning to the real world...to my life, my peers, my body, humanity, full of wonder, magic, healing and power. TIP had increasingly alienated me from "the rest of the world" and Level 6 seem to further the disconnection from everyday reality. Not that I don’t believe the LAP exists. I do believe it does. But my choice is to not live in constant awareness of it, for doing so seems to disconnect me from my life here.....which is besides the point of my being here on Earth at this time.

Perhaps it is within some people calling to understand its workings to the smallest detail. Perhaps it is simply a story. Either way, I know I have made the right decision.......

Thank you again for sharing, it really has helped me immensely

[Name withheld by request]

All bad is committed by humans..... in their humanity........

Hey All,

So many amazing posts (on the support group site). Thanks again everybody! Had a few realizations the other day, and wanted to share them.

Does anybody remember the Level 6 Retreat where "The Sorcerer’s Apprentice" was one of the films shown? I remember a comment made by Faye that maybe we'd "get it" if we watched this. There has been mention of sorcerer’s energy.... If this is a training tool to emphasize her point, and we are the Mickey Mouses... what then is she???

And... the “accept my humanity plea’???? So, under this pretense, the world should accept...

rape

child abuse

verbal abuse

emotional abuse

terrorism

murder

and on and on... all acts committed by humans... in their humanity........

To be a compassionate, empathetic individual does not require we give blanket acceptance to another's pathological behaviours because they are poor, misunderstood and only human. If we do not hold ourselves and others accountable, the perpetuation of violence and other atrocities will only continue.... Microcosm, Macrocosm.....

It is amazing to me how the greater the distance I put between myself and my training in power time, the greater the clarity I attain.

Peace Out!

[Name withheld by request]

One former Training in Power seeker’s story

I feel that I came through the experience with Training in Power relatively unscathed - still scarred and battle-weary but also "older and wiser". When I joined in 1996 I was ripe for seduction into TIP (I see the organization now as a Seduction in Power - SIP for short) for as a recovering Roman Catholic reveling in materialistic and hedonistic exile, a belatedly divorced gay father frustrated in the desire to establish a long-term intimate gay partnership, and a somewhat burnt-out teacher ready for retirement, Training in Power was the perfect novelty and then a real challenge - a second chance, so it seemed at honouring the psychic gifts I had rejected in my late 20's. I readily convinced myself to like this radical, unorthodox, rather bizarre and definitely weird organization and it sucked me in completely.

I take full responsibility for becoming involved in TIP and I have succeeded in forgiving myself for that and for my well-intentioned involvement. I agree with David Hawkins assertion that "To the seeker of enlightenment there is no such thing as justified resentment". I accept that as a goal - albeit perhaps as a long-term goal - since I do have my bitchy moments.

My Level I teacher was Perry Zavitz. What kinder, gentler, more intriguing teacher can one get? His appeal to the literary intellect with "There is more in heaven and hell, Horatio / than thou canst find in thine philosophy" struck a deep chord. I wonder how he got approval for such a personalized adaptation of the Founder’s notes?

Then Jan Walker taught us Level II at Faye’s sister’s farm in the countryside near Stratford. That was truly so much fun and it was an interesting group - my sons Jay and Julian were there, their mother Barbara Flagler and her partner Richard Lander, as well as Anna Melnikoff, and Vals (--------) among others. I had no idea or familiarity with this kind of spiritual work and even though I didn’t smoke up like everyone else, I grooved on it. I was spiritually naive.

I didn’t meet Faye Fitzgerald till we persuaded her - over Karen Popoff’s decree - to come to Toronto and teach Level III. She was not at all the person I had expected but I could see how she had charisma and appeal. I had already heard her claims of her intellectual, professional and artistic achievements, yet even now they are all still unsubstantiated and examples of gross self-importance. The claim in the introduction to Level I that she was a "psychic to psychics" continues to this day to be only an illusionary sham.

What I perversely did like was the cleverness with which the various courses had been put together, how she had so audaciously and eclectically taken (plagiarized or stolen) material from so many disparate disciplines and put it together in a package that was so unusual (and mesmerizing). She reminded me (and still does) of one of those students in school that defies all the rules and niceties of deportment and brazenly cheats and lies to the teachers and gets away with it. And I remember only too well, as the teachers ranted in their search for the real culprits, how I blushed in misplaced empathetic guilt.

I was very angry with Faye when I left the Training. But I do no longer hold her in contempt. The more I understand her (and the more I internalize the work of David Hawkins and others who help me on my independent spiritual journey) the more I see her limitations and the dangers of her manipulations. (David Hawkins has much to say about false teachers and the gullibility of the naive spiritual seekers). Forgiving her and loving her is not easy, but possible.

I’m sure it has helped me that I never liked the Founder. I didn’t appear to irritate her, though, so I was somewhat tolerated and never directly targeted or preyed upon. I was never a star student nor a difficult one, so I was basically ignored and left to the ministrations of the minions. In retrospect, I realize that I never had a serious or meaningful personal conversation with her, was never part of her social or inner circle, and except for a formal teacher-student relationship based on healthy skepticism (I thought), we never achieved any intimacy. Her personal woundings and her issues with men, as well as her highly qualified condescending acceptance of them in TIP, also helped to keep us warily distanced.

Level III was taught in my apartment in Toronto in the summer of 1998. Even though it was totally incomprehensible to me and I thought Faye was an unbelievably autocratic and awful teacher, her voice grating on my nerves, I was determined to understand and master its mysteries and in the process was totally caught up by the appeal of power and the appeal of a potentially deep and satisfying spiritual journey. I was challenged to heal myself, and even if the first telephone meeting sessions were horrific - the addressments so assaultive - I wanted more. I had been given a sip of power and, like Oliver, I wanted more (I still do). And so I came to Vancouver to take Levels IV, V and VI. 1999 was for me a mind-blowing, life-altering blast and I sucked it up.

I awakened to a spiritual journey to which I gave my heart. I gained dominion over the self. I learned about impeccability. I was healing. And I convinced myself that I was happy.

But I also awoke to the sobering reality that Training in Power has nothing to offer after Level VI except servitude to a manipulative leader and a hierarchical structure that is without love or compassion but fear-driven, trapped by delusions of superiority. However, it still took me four years to realize that I was committed to an illusion, sucked and trapped into an insatiable gyrating unstable cult.

As a student desirous of more than a sip of power, I was prepared to overlook Faye’s frequently bizarre and strident rants, her autocratic cruelties with certain students, the arrogance of her ministers, the inconsistencies and incongruities in the courses, and the sometimes unfathomable activities and demands. This was all new territory for me and until I was more familiar and acquainted with the metaphysics I rationalized a self-first self-absorption. As a colleague, however, that kind of denial was no longer possible. There were no longer any clothes.

As a colleague I was encouraged to become actively involved in the work of the organization and I did fully immerse myself. For four years, I went to practically every class, every meeting, every new course, every Master Warrior class, was a Mentor twice, trained and failed how to successfully address at meetings, was trained and failed how to successfully teach Level I, produced the Newsletter for two years, and yet, never, was I ever treated as a colleague. And then I was berated for not volunteering enough.

(At this point in the first draft of this my latest "coming out" letter, I ranted and raved on for many pages about what made me leave the training. I realized as my letter took on a life of its own that my ego and mind were re-engaging in issues that the Training uses to maze and keep one mesmerized, trapping you in the fear that leaving will result in the loss of everything - especially your vibration - and that any independent thought and action is like Cipher betraying the crew of the Nebuchadnezzer and returning to the illusion of the Matrix. What follows instead is a summary of some of the reasons I finally left TIP).

In those four years as a colleague, I had surprisingly little to do with Faye. My nemesis was Karen Popoff, who for me, was far more insidiously dangerous than Faye. As the chief of TIP doctrine, the self-proclaimed Canadian Executive-Director and administrative controller of everything, including enforcer of the organization’s ever-changing procedures, rules and regulations, she was for me the archetypal ice queen and controlling manipulative boss. She and her consort, Bren Murray, checked me at every turn. I felt belittled in every step of the way. Her exasperation with me/men/members ("I could slap you") - whether her projection or not - led me on an inevitable path of awakening from frustration to questioning, to righteous rage, to resignation from addressments, from the Editorship of the Newsletter, from teaching, and eventually from TIP altogether. I was not prepared like Richard Gregor to be ridiculed and mocked and take it meekly like a fool, nor as Chris Fleck be crassly crowned as the TIP cash-steer and a loyal minion, tattle-tale and probe, or like Bennett Williams and Reece Brill etc. be at their beck and call like good little gnomes etc, etc.

Faye Fitzgerald I could dismiss. I could never "pedastalize" her, anyway (and don’t get me started on her horrendous use and rationalizations of her gross manipulation of the English language), but Karen for the longest time I could not transcend. I found myself pretty well alone in my frustration and my struggles with her and Bren. I was confronted and criticized by my healing partners, even my best friend Joanne. So I struggled and worked things through. I have to confess that the process triggered much healing - I was truly able to address how much I had been shamed, mocked, influenced, manipulated, used and abused by self-serving, powerless (pretending to be powerful) females all my life (specifically my Mother and my Godmother - God bless them) and then forgive them, and Karen et al. Nevertheless, for a long time she was for me the nightmare dominatrix (or the TIP’s Cardinal Ratzinger - take your pick of metaphor - or not)

What finally made me think of leaving started with my taking level VII - the first, I gather, of the many carroted (?) colleague (?) courses to trap the trainers into full subservience. We were taught to do so many unexplained, unfathomable, weird things at that Level that we were simply too busy to think or question. We were also made to feel anointed in our special position - a very clever ploy to widen the gap between the ""upper levels" and the "students". The projection of Faye’s terror of the "It" of evil and her arrogant claim that only she and twenty trained psychics like herself can turn the tide, so mazes one, that one is trapped in paranoia, competitiveness and distrust. One needs, then, to be in denial and a position of superiority and exclusivity if only to survive. That like the horse Boxer in the George Orwell novel, Animal Farm , I kept saying "I will work harder" illustrates the completeness of her manipulation.

What I had overlooked in the courses as a student became too much to bear. Also, there was less and less warmth or camaraderie in the organization or in the community, let alone collegiality, to nurture an ongoing sense of belonging. And thus the incongruities, the gaps and the holes - all the assaultiveness, the brainwashing, the cynical manipulation of naive yearnings and well-intentioned participation - became more visible and more disturbing. Twisting the sacred call of "A Spiritual Journey of Service" to the golden calf of "Volunteerism" should have been a sufficient wake-up call in itself.

The Founder’s strident ranting and totally unprovoked attack on the men in the training at the Level VII retreat in 2003 ought to have been the final straw. I could have acted on my conviction that I would not be shamed or cajoled like that but I pussy-footed in waiting. I had already moved to the Sunshine Coast by then and it was becoming easier and easier not to participate as much. And yet I struggled that winter - even after my friends, colleagues, and line-members resigned - to find the motivation and commitment to work with Georganne Oldham and Jean S. to bring the Training to the Sunshine Coast. Also, leaving Master Warrior and working with Anne Binning was not that easy to abandon. I still miss some of that work - always best when Faye Fitzgerald was not there. So it was that, thanks to Diane’s documents - which helped me honour and pull all my thoughts and feeling together - I was finally able to make a clean break in June 2004.

I have stopped justifying Germen’s resentments. Thanks to teachers like Drunvalo Melchisedek and David Hawkins and others, I have continued seeking. I have forgiven myself for having been the naive spiritual seeker and I have forgiven those who have chosen to know not what they do. I have continued on the path of self-dominion, found the power of self-love and compassion for all that lives in limitation. In my resignation letter I said I found myself clear and strong in the conviction that it is time to part from the training and continue my spiritual journey on my own. I know that the right teacher will come for I am now truly ready.

I hope that my turn at sharing my story has been worth the effort of the reading of it.

Namaste........Germen

Continuation of a former TIP seeker’s story

In the first four years of my involvement in TIP the various attempts to get me to see how I had been abused as a child never fully took hold - I was in resistance, right? The attempts to set up a "cause and effect" duality (this is more David R Hawkins stuff I am working with) only muddied my perceptions rather than giving me clarity - more dualities of blame and resent versus self-responsibility for the choices I made. The assault I experienced in the addressments and in the training to address and teach did much to re-open old wounds but very little to heal them. Power transference and love does result in miracles but does not give one the instantaneous expertise to be such therapists or leaders.

I was definitely hurt as a child - just being born into Nazi-occupied Europe was likely enough - and the conditions of my life were not exactly peachy. The insistence by one of the upper levels that I had been the victim of cult abuse so threw me into an energetic maelstrom that I worked very hard to get to the truth - how I wish I had known more about projection at that point, and been able to tell truth from falsehood.

Anyway, I was very much numbed out as a child and still have very few memories. Post-war Europe and immigration to Canada - no matter how much one romanticizes it - was not pretty. Survival in those circumstances may be its own reward.

As an adult, I know that I played out old personal and social patterns and in turn was as careless and as unawake as my parents in how I lived and how I raised my children. As I was traumatized by certain baby-sitters, so were my sons. The work I have done to expose the truth of my conditions has been very healing. The constant battering in the healing groups, however, I only found invasive. There are other ways to awaken and learn.

Faye never specifically accused me of abusing my children or of being a pedophile - but then, remember, we never really talked on a one-to-one basis. My good fortune - by the grace of God. In the men's groups we did obsessively get forced to face the subject of abuse and victimization - and particularly to "deal" with the universal guilt of all men - but, according to Faye, we consistently failed to heal ourselves. I'll save you her rants about that. I did, however, as the editor of the newsletter, write an article about gay priests and pedophiles in the ranks of the Roman Catholic Church. There had been considerable pressure on me in my adolescence to enter the priesthood - in retrospect that makes sense for that's where many young men suspected of being homosexual were often shepherded. I wrote about that and the abuse in the Catholic Church and then concluded my article with the phrase, "And there but for the grace of God go I". What that means is that fortunately I was spared such a life of self-hating repression and incorrect and abusive acting out of sexual demons and possession. Faye ostensibly read the article but made no comments. She merely gave me that look. What happened later encouraged me to come to the conclusion that she hadn't read it carefully or understood my perspective - I do indeed query her claim of professional and academic accomplishments.

So I never printed that article but filed it. In the year that followed, I began to "feel" that I was being talked about and I started to "see and hear" these conversations about me as a pedophile (this invariably took place in a kitchen setting where Faye and her cadre of supporters regularly gathered). "Me or my imagination?" Delusion? Surely I was being paranoiac? This wasn't telepathy, was it? But every time I let down the "moat shield " - which works very well for me - I was witness to more and more of these assaultive conversations.

When a younger level who called me regularly for support informed me that Faye had ordered her to keep me away from her son, and that in her understanding from her work with Faye and the ministers, all gay men were pedophiles, I was appalled at the ignorance and the mind-fucking manipulation. At a consequent Level VII meeting (at which Faye was not present) I raised the issue and in righteous rage demanded that if such judgments were in fact being circulated about me that they had to stop, that there was no basis in fact to such slanderings, and that such talk behind people's backs was not impeccable (how naive and trusting that sounds now). The reaction I got was as if I had caught everyone in a lie - the embarrassment was palpable - and the advice they offered was not only assaultive but ludicrous. I was wrong! Obviously I must be guilty! I was paranoiac, caught in a wrap of my own suspicion, and - imagine this - to put a positive spin on it, I was likely just being chosen as the Guardian to hold that position of the pedophile on the wedge for universal exposure!

If I still harboured doubts about being psychic, they were laid to rest at that meeting, for I knew then that I had hit the nail on the head.

By the grace of God we become conscious of who we really are. Faye and TIP have definitely helped in that process but the manipulation, the slandering, the insidious soldier-gathering, and the mind-games has undone the purity of the initial intent of the training. Faye and the organization have fallen from the positives of courage, integrity, love and healing down into the negative morass of ignorance, manipulation and power over. May Faye Fitzgerald and her trainers see that before it is too late.

How willingly I have sought to accept a clear, cauterized closure from my experience with TIP. Therein, but for the grace of God, I would still be entrained and trapped.

Germen Terpstra

Too Many Secrets...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

While I freely acknowledge there were things I learned during my participation with TIP that had value and purpose for me, there was always a niggling doubt within that kept me on the fringes of participation. For years, I did only the bare minimum, the level trainings, the tortuous monthly meetings and the healings. I did step up briefly to serve as the Chair of the Ethics Committee for Canada and it was very shortly after that I chose to completely discontinue any participation. My decision to leave however did not have anything to do with my role and participation in the Ethics Committee.

Others have already stated many of my concerns eloquently, so I'll keep it simple!

1. I am not much of a group kind of gal

2. Cliques. I'm not the cliquey type really...

3. I do not believe every person on the Earth has been sexually abused

4. I am not an abuser, yet was suspected of child abuse by a person I loved who was also a member of the organization

5. I do not support mandated group counseling even if it is called a monthly meeting! (if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and flies like a duck...)

6. I do not support laypersons attempting to counsel trauma survivors. It is simply bad practice and can be harmful.

7. I do not believe in subjecting people to vicarious trauma

8. I am a fiercely private individual who will freely share my story with persons I trust, however I will not be forced to disclose/discuss personal matters with a large audience of strangers.

9. I do not take kindly to someone in a so-called position of authority having temper tantrums and acting out at meetings. Nor do I think that a person with a seemingly serious anger management issue should be given any credibility on that topic matter.

10. I came to question the credentials, the stories I heard. A lot of talk but never any real tangible "sink yer teeth into this" .

11. On going rants about the impoverishment.

12. I grew increasingly disturbed by the feeling I was part of a cloistered group. Everything revolved around the training. Give more time, take more courses, do more healings, join this group, or that group, and so on and so on. I love this crazy world too much to stop wanting to be a part of it.

13. Money... too much spent with too little return. Should have gone to Hawaii!

14. Too many secrets... SCREW THAT!

15. The sense of Spiritual Superiority that seems to be rampant

16. I simply do not recognize the founder or any other person to be anything but an equal in my eyes. I recognize myself as a person of power, of light, of love, and I will not bow in submission to any mortal on this earth plane.

Respectfully,

Colleen Wilson

Your Soul is Your Own

This letter is intended as a resource for those who are thinking of leaving Training in Power, and as a counter point for those still firmly ensconced in TIP who believe that Diane Muir's website "Lessons in Awareness" is just a spiteful, one woman's crusade to destroy an "innocent church of light."

My perspective comes from many years distance from the training; I was one of the first to leave in the exodus of '97. I really don't need to go into details about grievances regarding Faye's behavior--EVERYONE has their stories in this arena-- even the diehards, they just haven't had enough of them yet to admit to themselves that the empress has no clothes. Some people are simply learning at a much slower pace.

Here are some points to consider around the very important need for Due Diligence when considering Faye and the Training:

When Faye makes a fantastic claim, gems ranking from the benign such as "I am a martial artist", to more suspect ones like "My psychic accuracy is near perfect" or "I have training in psychotherapy and psychology"--be sure you perform due diligence in researching that she is who she says she is, that she has the expertise that she claims. Where are her certifications? Who did she train with and for how long?

You have the right to question her. People who rage at those who question often have much to hide.

When has anyone ever forced her to prove her psychic accuracy? Has she ever shown her students how well she plays the hiding game people learn in level 2? And, assuming that she "may" be more intuitive than you, just because she may hit one nail on the head, does not mean that she is always right. Her telling you that you have abuse in your past (whether received or perpetrated) that you cannot remember, does not mean that this is true, that she is getting a psychic hit about you, or that she is even psychic.

One of the priceless claims I now laugh at is the assertion that Level 1 and 2 are energetically "equivalent to (x amount) of years of cloistered monastic training in Tibet". Energetically equivalent? Measured by whom? Is there even a remotely verifiable way to prove this statement beyond Faye's own, and her starry-eyed upper level followers own, assertions that this is true? I laughed to hear a friend recount how, upon recently attending a Level 1 training and hearing this assertion, he actively questioned the one who taught him.

"Did (the teacher) know," he asked, "exactly what Tibetan monks could accomplish upon finishing their first 7 years training in Tibet?"

“No”, she did not know.

"Well, I do," said my friend -- I have interacted with quite a few of them. They are so energetically tuned that they have the ability to mentally control their body temperature so as to be able to sleep outside on a frozen ground in freezing temperatures with only a thin cotton blanket to cover them and awake the next morning refreshed and well rested without any signs of hypothermia. Is this something that you can do?"

Well, no she couldn't.

And I am certain neither can her enlightened Faye. Needless to say, this Level 1 teacher was very nonplussed and, from my friend's description of her reaction, she evidently believed that he was a big conduit of attack towards her. Hmmmm, all for asking probing questions.

Okay this is a big one: One of the hardest things to let go of is the work, the techniques learned for the various healing groups, the shielding, the strikes, the work done in meditations. Faye will still grip you if you leave but think that her work is still good. I say that most of it was just overly elaborate visualization exercises, as opposed to verifiable energetic techniques. Remember, the mind is so powerful that it can do miraculous things if it's fully behind a--or any, for that matter-- belief system (see the book "The Holographic Universe") The amazing things you have experienced in the Training can be just as easily (and less crazily) experienced outside the Training if you choose to do your own work of spiritual discovery.

Faye's strengths lie in a flair for the dramatic, story weaving, and whip cracking; she's a good motivator and a hell of a web spinner. But again, think! I know we new agey types like to dive into all that science fictiony mumbo jumbo that she tells us about---but ask yourself is any of this provable outside the opinions of this group?

Be absolutely honest with yourself---can you really see grey lines or a golden cord, or a pillar of fire, or periwinkle parasites, or space sharks, etc, etc or do you just really, really WANT to see them sooo bad and are convinced that others can so you just are going to believe that you can "sense" them because you really are only "claire-sentient" anyway? Give it up! You know, I have been walking around for the last 7 years since I left the training not seeing those things, not doing one WHIT of anything that I learned and I am FINE. (And, by "fine," I certainly do not mean "fucked up neurotic and emotional", Jesus, what a trip she does on people!

Envision a time when you will not be trapped by words, significators and smug knowing nods - it's a great place!) I am happy much more so than I was in the Training. I have a satisfying, playful, functional relationship with a man I am married to. I am healthy, and my soul is my own---with no guru/teacher/leader to constantly tell me I am not hitting the mark. There are those who will say that it's because I'm asleep, or back on the Karmic wheel, or on the fabric, or blah, blah, blah but they need to say that to justify their own unhappiness, unhealthiness (no historical native Shamans I have studied were obese and addicted to coffee), and deep fear of what would happen if they asked, "what if Faye is, and therefore I am, wrong?"

Do yourself a huge favor, try to find how you can view a series of shows put out by Penn and Teller called "Bullshit!" This show is SO good at showing how a little common sense and not a few probing questions go a long way in teaching people that many claims to esoteric and mundane ability and knowledge are merely only smoke and mirrors.

Phew! A very long letter, thanks for wading through this. My intent is not to cause harm to those I care for still in the training, you know who you are, my intent is to create a space for pause and reflection. Your soul is your own, you can do it alone, no fear of attack, no fear of evil.

"Out beyond ideas of right and wrong, there is a field - I'll meet you there."

--Rumi

With Love,

Kellie Newton (class of '97)

The ability to conform does not create or equal community

The ability to conform does not create or equal community. Empowerment and inclusion in community values the individuality of a person. I am more than the abuse I experienced, a story or a cause. My identity is not founded on the small part of my life where there was victimization. The expression of my identity is greater than a role within Training In Power.

The cult of the personality creates dictatorship. This church and state cult is dichotomous to democracy, feminism and freedom of speech. Vigilantism, bonding on abuse and a narrow world view does not empower the individual in this teaching system, of Training in Power.

The preciousness and perceived importance of this church and teaching is out of balance. The teaching itself creates this in a number of ways; primarily by its lack of inclusiveness and that it is not grounded in reality.

There are too many secrets, this abuse where privacy and secrets essentially equated the violation of human rights in the past, is replicated in the cloistered training: doctrine, teaching, policies and practices.

I am not holding an opposition stance, of an us/them dichotomy, which does not promote peace. I am a free thinker. I do not harbour any resentment or begrudge anyone the right to practice their freedom of religion, in the church Training in Power: A Spiritual Journey of Service.

I ask that you look at the doctrine, beliefs, and practices that anathematize anyone who has a difference of opinion about your church. Especially the ideas of dying or losing consciousness or, any other fear based threats that are propagated if people choose to leave on their own free will.

Freedom of choice, (name removed by request)

Does This Path Have a Heart?

When I resigned from the Training, I did so officially quite a long while after I was unofficially Gone! It didn’t seem important for me to officially resign. My idea was to kick back and further kick back. I had already Not been going to most of the classes, meetings, parties etc. for some time. But I didn’t consider myself Out of the Training.

I was often confronted by Faye and other alleged upper-levels as to my non-participation, I could only offer that I was busy living my already big life as an "Ascended Master Teacher"! serving in my own community where I was called "to walk amongst the people"

It was my curiosity to go to L/7 that started the downward spiral that would eventually force me to see the fuller truth of what the Training was. That was the year we were given a chance to go without having taught first. I hadn’t planned it, because I had no intention of teaching - ever. But at the L/6 retreat that year, I was surprised to suddenly find myself asking Faye if I could go to L/7. When she asked me if I had been doing all the requisite work ie: teaching, leading meetings etc. a chasm separated what she expected from me and what I had been thus far willing to do. I was told that I would have to show her something more....but: What? She said she’d know when she saw it.

How many of us have had that kind of vague, non specific answer to a question and been told it was Faye’s fabulous stalking, then been admonished when we had no idea what the right answer might be, and then felt stupid, guilty or anxious for not somehow knowing. Prior to coming into the Training I always had a lot of curiosity and questions. From L/2 on, that got "trained" out of me by shaming, instilling self-doubt and the cold shoulder.

But, of course, I was allowed to go to L/7 as if it were an honor bestowed upon me from the twinkling dollar signs in the founder’s eyes. I got wrapped in L/7 importance. Having then made the commitment to myself to teach, I went about the relentlessly abusive process of doing that. It was the process of being ‘trained’ to teach that furthered my disgust with the Training. I hadn’t ever wanted to gather a following into the Training and I was really forced to look at that closely-.which made me more anxious and uncomfortable.

My thought about my involvement in the Training had always been: it’s OK for me to go through all this, but I wouldn’t be able to honestly recommend it to anyone else. Not to worry-.those closest to me saw the torture of my enlightenment process and had no desire to follow. Yet, the Training remained compelling to me.

I became a popular teacher after I was "cleared", and anyone who has survived the process of getting past the horrific teacher-training and then the actual teaching of your first L/1 class understands the relief and sense of accomplishment that goes with it. I had another class already lined up, however, as soon as I was cleared , I was compelled to immediately rewrite my notes to reflect what I could actually bring myself to teach and I edited out the stuff I thought was damaging, incorrect, unverifiable or just plain stupid.

Before my last L/6 retreat, I had decided to go on to L/8, for all the same reasons I ever went on in the Training, namely: compulsive curiosity and the fear of missing out on something important. At L/8 I found that the next twist to the story, the healing, the "battle", the dynamic, tweaked my desire to ask questions again and the lame explanations did it for me. I began to have regret for all the years spent on someone else’s fantasy, the illusionary friendships, many thousands of dollars spent, family neglected, life unattended to and so much more.

I still had two more L/1 classes scheduled, and it was torture to teach them, even with my cleaned up course notes. Worse still, I had 3 students wanting to take Faye’s L/2 that spring and I could hardly suppress my negativity about that, but I decided it would be the right thing to do, perhaps even necessary to accompany them to the class. Once there, I clearly Saw Faye-who she has become-.saw her "upper" levels-who they have become in their dance to become her clone, especially Jan. Such wretchedness, hypocrisy, lies, vampirism, self-importance, predatory sexual hooks, paranoia, fear and flattery, I was just stunned-and at the same time it produced a subversive giggle deep in my belly and became quite amusing for me! I could hardly take it seriously and a deep schism set in for good.

By the time those students had attended just one L/2 meeting, they were telling me about their experiences and what they saw and they became disgusted as well, but they were also "hooked" on going to L/3! When I explained what commitment was expected to be able to go on, they soon all fell out. Until then, I hadn’t told them that I was no longer going to teach L/1 or participate until I had sorted it out for myself. The sorting is a subtle and complicated process which I am still sifting through.

In the Training, relationships are difficult, suspect....he might be vampiric, she might be pulling on your energy...one must be always vigilant; there is always danger, always a position to hold. I wish to be free to hold my heart open, without being accused of leaking Energy and without the excessive shielding or violent "striking". I wish to hold a tone of love in a way that feels true...real...not an intellectual concept or hypocritical dogma.

The only truly loving year spent in close and sacred Communion with my fellows was my L/4-5-6. The way it was with that particular line, that particular year was what I seeking from the Training. Before and after that year was mostly disquieting degeneration, degradation, disgust, despair, disillusionment and distancing. Before that year, I was always on the verge of dropping out. After that year, I was always longing for that one true thing...real Love Tone, real caring and unguarded support for one another. Our particular line really had this. That one year.

I am vowed to hold my heart open. I am vowed to live fully in this present Now moment with my heart held open. I am vowed to acknowledge, encourage and support myself and all others to live the life they wish or need to live.

I don’t want to reject, wholesale, all that I have learned in the Training that has continuing value for me, but I don’t know what, for sure, that might be. When you are IN the Training, questions about it constitutes treason, and the systematic debilitating installation of a program that punishes one for "thinking” or "doubting" the story has been instilled in all of us.

There were many L/6 retreats where "we" (my closest friends) had big questions, big laughs, big concerns about the story, but at the end of the day, we decided that “the story” and the retreat were at least as interesting, more dramatic and sometimes more compelling than a lot of other stuff we could be doing.

At least I felt that way for many years until my last retreat year. By then I was awakened to a larger, more real, more inclusive, more loving, more healing story: MINE ! And Faye’s became too fear based, complicated, exclusive and abusive for me. Yet, being tenacious as I am, I complete the L/7 and L/8 retreats anyway-.I guess I needed that much more dichotomy to break the hypnotic spell.

I am able to make light of TIP now, that I am removed from it, as I am much more aware of the cloak of darkness that surrounds it than I was when I was inside it. I believe that there was some good within it and I keep those parts with me.

For me, it's just like a nationality. It isn't the president or government...it's the many people who strive to make things right in their communities. It’s the people serving in Catholic Community Services in my neighborhood and all around the world, not The Church. per se.. There are many good people still in the Training...and once we leave we see they are still just wrapped, as we all were, but their goodness (and unhealed areas!) are still intact.

Many people have been very hurt under the guise of being helped. This is the way the Training works it. I spent over a decade in this group. I have had regret about that much of my life spent on what eventually became a lie for me. But it wasn't wasted. However, striving to become another Faye or any of her pathetic and sparse posse, those upper level robots, is really Nothing to aspire to at all.

I believe that this is why most people drift out early and the Training cannot ever truly grow or have any major influence.

Unfortunately it is taking quite a long time, and I am still discerning and sorting out the dark threads that run all through TIP, as well as the incorrect uses of energy for healing and behavior....and I find the Training to be mostly a swirl of negative energy....viewed from this distance. Still, I don't regret it. I just don't look through the glass so darkly any more.

About officially resigning: energetically it makes a significant difference. Anyone who is languishing in this area will not know this until they do formally resign. Be forewarned that from that moment on, you will become little more than a "taint" that needs clearing, or perhaps you’ll be accused of trying to "take down" the Training. Oh well.

By way of my formal resignation from the Training, I offered this quote which I submitted to the boards: I felt I needed no other explanation than this alone:

"Any path is only a path and there is no affront to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you....look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself...and yourself alone, one question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it does not, it is of no use." Carlos Castaneda

My resignation came at a time when TIP was pretending to make an effort to listen, do exit interviews and generally excite people to regroup. I was never contacted by anyone in regards to these areas. And after 11 years in TIP, became a non-entity to the group-even my healing group.

I am extremely grateful I wasn’t as ravished as some have been by the sexual predator: Faye, or her chilly, emotionless upper level power-over mongers. I am grateful to be done with it and I know I will never be able to be "cultivated" again! So be it.

Blessed Be to all those TIPsters still imprisoned and to All who have awakened from that dark dream.

Chiara Wood

Gratitude for the Website: www.lessonsinawareness.com

I am so deeply grateful for all of the work, time, patience and passion put into this website. Many of us get off the path of Truth, Light, Love and Personal Empowerment by seeking solutions outside of ourselves. Training in Power claims to lead you to Power and seduces you into believing that Training in Power has the best path to finding it. Training in Power does not deliver. Instead it seduces you into putting your power and love outside of yourself - giving away personal power to a Charismatic teacher and a Charismatic spiritual organization.

In my naiveté, I believed ‘the Training’ would provide a healing, supportive, spiritual structure in which the participants would seek to be kind to one another. Imagine my shock the first time I witnessed Faye raging at the Student Body about something most of us could not understand because we didn’t really know what she was going on about, what she was mad about, only that someone had crossed her boundaries, expected something of her she couldn’t deliver. Who knows really! One thing I know for sure, is that it was an explosion of miss-directed rage intended to teach us not to ever treat her that way (if you knew how it was she had been treated).

I offered to help in Training In Power so many times only to be shamed because I was not doing it right. In retrospect I wonder how I wound up staying in Tip. Training in Power is an addictive organization with an addicted Leader. That’s how I wound up here and how I wound up staying. It was all the old family systems repeating themselves. The Training is in utter complete denial of the founders addictions. She just smokes pot for medicinal purposes. Her rages are classic behavior for an active addict. Her blaming of others and paranoia are all symptoms of addiction.

So many of us get hooked into tip through our trauma wounds as Adult Children of alcoholics/addicts or because of our own addictions. Before I ever went into tip, I read all John Bradshaw’s books on Shame. I read all I could on topics like Adult Children of Alcoholics and still I stayed for a long, long time in denial about the founder’s addiction and subsequent addictive behaviour. We don’t talk about the Pink Elephant of addiction in tip. The upper levels are beyond that. They can smoke dope or drink all day and it has no negative consequences. It’s all your fault. All those unhappy little power trainers who make her rage. Just like it was at home when you were a kid. All your fault your drunken Father/Mother/Grandmother raged out of control around you while no one talked about the obvious. There it is right in front of you. Addiction runs tip.

I am back on my journey to Empowerment. Thanks to this website, I’ve been able to get clarity about what happened to me in training in power. I have my life back. I am very grateful to Diane for having the courage to publish her writings and her website. I am grateful for Lesa and all the others who have so courageously shared their experiences in tip. This website has made a difference. We are all searching for authentic power, personal power. Thanks to Diane’s research, I and others who’ve left tip have amazing clarity about what is truly empowering and empowered.

So many of us were taught under a system of Shame and Intolerance. Raised to look to others as the authority in our lives. Empowerment is about looking to ourselves and being the authority in our own lives. No one knows better than me what I most need to do to heal myself. Others may have valuable insight or feedback but they do not, cannot know what I most need to do to take care of me. That is between me and my Spirit and the Life force in this world. My job is to become trustworthy in my relationship to myself. My job (even when I’ve been given the best advice in the World), is to step back and see if that advice meets my needs and works for me in that moment and then choose. My job is to write, star and direct my life. Not to turn it over to any other authority no matter how charismatic they are, no matter how seductive the teachings are, it is my job to question, and discern what works for me and what doesn’t.

Doubt and Fear are often talked about as the enemy when you are in Training in Power. You are just supposed to ignore or dismiss it as meaningless or attack. Going into denial about the doubt or fear you have, is the true enemy. Please do not dismiss doubt or fear ever without first looking to see what’s there.

If you have doubt about what is happening, there is a strong possibility that your Soul is speaking to you. Whispering look, look closer at what’s happening here, is it correct, are you okay with it. Listen to the questions doubt brings. Is your soul speaking to you of incorrectness? Is your soul crying out to you not to sit in silence about abuse. Is it screaming this isn’t right? Is doubt only there because you are afraid that you are right? And if you are right, you might have to act on it, make changes, speak up, leave and that may bring about rejection and abandonment. It is your job, your responsibility and your God given right to walk away from any abusive situation. Whether it’s verbal abuse, in shaming or outright physical abuse.

SHAME is soul-destroying. It is not love. It is never love.

Life is about living, being present in the here and now. I go outside for long walks and I look at the flowers and the trees and it brings tears to my eyes because it is so beautiful and precious. Life is precious. Each moment has magic in it. Everyday I am grateful to be free. I am happy to be alive. I do not live in fear of the evil that lurks around the corner. I am back to being calm, peaceful, grounded, alive and full of life. Lessons in Awareness provides a vital way back out of the trauma of tip. A pathway to true Self Awareness and to true power.

Some may say that tip is the way to true personal empowerment. If that’s true for you then may the force be with you. All I ask is that you not dismiss the cries of those for whom it is not empowering. The voices of those who have indeed found it harmful to their psyche and to their spirit. We have the right to freedom of choice and we have the right to speak up in the hopes that we can offer a path of healing for those that Training In Power has harmed, or may yet harm. I’m grateful that this website and these amazing people have been here for me.

False Evidence Appearing Real

10/29/07

Faye is a master at this. She presents False Evidence in such away that it appears real to the students. For example, in Teachers meetings she often shares some perceived attack on the training in such a way that:

a)the listeners know to whom she is referring or to what group she's assigned blame without her ever saying so.

b) it may be only a small event, a one time happening, but is made to be a specific all out attack on her and the training

c) by the use of fierce, sorceristic language such as "It's called a worming and it's an ancient Sorcerer's technique to make someone go crazy" she invokes fear, paranoia and panic in the students as well as to get them “on board” to fight for and with her

d) she controls what students are supposed to think. For example, she says so many negative things about anyone who associates with Lessons In Awareness, Diane or Open Circle, that even unhappy ex-tippers stay away from the web-site and are judgmental of any of us who've chosen to use these avenues to assist us in healing, re-connecting and exposing wrongdoing

e) She takes things like the an acronym ‘FINE’and tells people it means Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Egotistical, as if it is something she created but that saying has actually been said in 12 step meetings for 25 years or more. It's not unique to tip nor did it start there. I for one am reclaiming the word FINE. I think it is just fine to be fine. Fine - Fabulous, Intuitive, Nice and Eclectic.

As Ex-members of tip who have decided to write and post to this website, we are often accused of organized attack on the training. Many times, whatever we've been accused of - no member of this group participated in, in any way. That means it was either a single disgruntled ex member of training in power who is expressing themselves and their discontent or it is a current member of tip who has not yet left but feels a morale obligation to expose inappropriate behaviour. IT'S NOT ALWAYS US!!!!!

I feel it also needs to be said that for many of us who have left tip, there is a history of workplaces, family members, government agencies, all receiving slanderous, anonymous phone calls after leaving the training. Phone calls in which the person is given very personal information about the ex-member or about what an ex-member said or did. The information shared makes a strong case for the anonymous caller to be a member of tip. At the very least this makes tip UNSAFE and NOT CONFIDENTIAL.

If you are a current member of tip, I would suggest you keep this in mind. I have much regret in ever sharing within what I believed to be a confidential system and have since been disheartened and disillusioned to think that what I shared may have been used against me. Sharing personal information with an ex-member's employer or family is blatantly disrespectful and shows no regard, caring, or concern for the harm done to the ex-member. Many ex-members of training in Power have been harassed and abused and stalked in this manner and they have no recourse because it was all done anonymously. I, however, have the right and the freedom to say here, that this has happened and it is wrong, destructive, and harmful.

In conclusion, the “attack” tip is perceived to be under is all an illusion to keep you on your toes and to keep you away from us. How long do you want to live in the paranoia, fear and self-importance of Training in Power? In reality you are doing very little to change the world. Very few people are healing! The miracles only last as long as they are needed to create the high! The feel good feelings! Masters of Illusion! That's what you really train to be masterful at - deceiving yourselves and being deceived by the construct of illusion created by Faye.

(Contributor's name removed)

(Below, an ex member creates a questionnaire to ask the ‘teachers’ giving an intro to TIP, or information session to prospective students!)

Training in Power Info Session Questions to Ask

Submitted by John, Dec 2007

Date of intro_____________ Time________ Place___________________________________

Have a tape in your pocket

Facilitator Name and Level___________________________________________ L ___

First time teaching Y__ N __ How Many Times ______

Supervisor / Teacher Trainer Name ___________________________________ L ____

Please note that we all are after the truth here. We can support any statement we make by facts and not heresy. Are you willing to tell the truth and be in your Integrity?

The Definition of a Student.

One who seeks knowledge, to enhance their life, to make better of themselves.

The Definition of a Teacher.

To impart knowledge, to guide, to instruct, to make to known the disagreeable consequences of an action.

The Definition of the Training in Power / Living in Power. Mind Control Cult

A person or persons that misaligns the Truth to suit their own personal needs and requirements. To gain Control over one, greed, Power over another.

Teacher's Knowledge

Do you have any degrees or accreditations in a teaching profession Y__ N __

Do you have any degrees or accreditations in a medical way, psychiatric, clinical councilor, physiology Y__ N __

Do you practice or have you been trained in any other Modality Y__ N __

Do you have only Training in Power credentials to tell you what is the best for others in your search for truth. Y__ N __

Liability / Assurances

Do you carry any Liability Insurance for teaching this course. Y__ N __

Would you as my level 1 teacher sign a personal guarantee of liability for any harm, abuse, medical services, psychiatric care, hospital bills, loss of wages, care for my dependents, etc. because of your course and further courses. Y__ N __

If you as my Level 1 teacher saw me being taken advantage of by Faye or any other person in the training who has power over me in any way, for example if I am being harmed or abused mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, or financially, would you immediately stop this abuse. Y__ N __ Would you stand by and let it happen claiming that I needed to go thru this abuse to heal Y__ N __

Have you yourself ever been abused (scorned, shut out, yelled at, isolated by others, shamed, called a thief, a molester, etc.) in the training. Y__ N __

According to all the references books listed, training in power is classified as a cult or a thought mind control group. Are you aware of this Y__ N __

About Faye Fitzgerald ( also ask the teacher trainer the same questions )

Have you ever seen this person abuse anyone, including yourself, I am referring to all the abuses plus any others not listed. Y__ N __

Do you trust Faye unquestionably Y__ N __

Have you seen Faye smoke marijuana. Y__ N __ Does she smoke it on a regular bases Y__ N __ like from morning tell night Y__ N __ Did you ever smoke it with her Y__ N __ Do you smoke it now Y__ N __ Have you ever heard Faye say that she gets a lot of her divine information from smoking Marijuana, or that she uses it for pain control Y__ N __ Were you aware that the police where going to be called at the last Level 6 retreat because of drug abuse. Y__ N __

Have you ever seen or witnessed Faye have any kind of a temper tantrum, lose her cool, lose control at any one including yourself at any retreat or teaching session that she has given. Y__ N __ Have you ever heard Faye tell any student or students to Fuck off? Have you ever heard her apologize after she has such a temper tantrum? Y__ N __

Have you ever heard of Faye claiming to be God Y__ N __ The re- incarnation of Budda, Christ, Mohamed. Y__ N __

Did you know that most of her material in the Level one and two lectures were taken from the Dasilva mind control course Y__ N __ Did you know that the Dasilva course is considered and listed as a cult and or a mind control group. Y__ N __

Did you know or were you aware of Faye promoting a pyramid marketing scheme in the training known as the Treasure Traders Y__ N __ Did you take part in this scheme Y__ N __ Did you make money on this Y__ N __ Did you lose money on this Y__ N __ Do you know students lost appox. $ 1200.00 each Y__ N __ Do you feel that this is a correct way to be spiritual, bringing money matters in and having students being taken advantage of Y__ N __ Are you aware of the other money schemes that Faye has introduced in the training (Pentagano, Echoquest/Alpine). Y__ N __

Are you aware Faye says that she is a non- profit society called the Academy Y__ N __ Do you know this is actually her personal business Y__ N __

Does Faye have any teaching credentials Y__ N __ Is she a qualified therapist in any way having any degrees. Y__ N __ Are you aware she was simply a social worker back in Ontario Y__ N __ Have you actually seen credentials that she was a social worker Y__ N__

Does Faye have any Insurance as stated above Y__ N __

Faye originated and teaches the Master Warriors program. Is she a Martial artist, what degree of belt does she have and what style is it in _________ Is Faye trained in the prevention of injuries and safety Y__ N __

Do you know that Faye calls her training experimental Y__ N __ Meaning whatever happens, happens. Too bad for you if any goes wrong.

Were you ever told by an upper level that Faye bullies people into doing what she wants or gets. Y__ N __

Practices & Confirmed Happenings

Did you witness a student get extremely sick at a level 1 course held in Salmon Arm Y__ N __ Did you hear the Teacher Trainer call this an Attack Y__ N__.

Did you happen to hear a telephone conversation while staying at Faye’s house while you were a level 3, from a student phoning from a psychiatric ward. She was taking the level six retreat. Y__ N __ Did you get stern instructions from a level 7 not to repeat this telephone call to anyone Y__ N __

Are you aware that at least 5 others were at one time sent to a psychiatric ward because of the training’s teachings and that they are always asked to please be careful not to mention their training involvement to anyone Y__ N __

Are you aware that at one time Faye sent a group of upper levels to see if the Moonies and her training group could form and alliance of some sort Y__ N __

Are you aware that the training supports abuse but wants to keep any kind of information pertaining to their own jobs personal, a secret for fear of losing their own job. Y__ N __

Are you aware that from Level 1 and up in the training program that you are implanting subliminal words and suggestions that will trigger the student and suggest to them they change their identity to suit the needs and requirements of Faye’s training. Y__ N __

Are you aware that Faye and the upper levels have used the reports that you are required to do at the end of each class to their advantage and have used information about students against them at a later date. Y__ N __ Has this ever happened to you Y__ N__

Are you aware that one student was accused of stealing a large amount of money from Faye and that Faye used information that this student wrote in their report to substantiate her claim Y__ N __ Are you aware that this student was innocent of the above charges. Y__ N __ Are you aware that most of the upper levels then shunned this student Y__ N __

Are you aware that Faye then tried to accuse other students of stealing the same amount of money. Y__ N __ Are you aware that an Upper Level said in confidence that Faye always loses or misplaces her own money? Are you aware how many times it has happened that when something happens to her money Faye accuses a student of stealing it, and when the money is found she never apologizes but lets the student believe that they are a thief, that they just don’t know it or that it is unconscious in them? Faye might then forgive them and say she is the only person who can help them . Is this not a form of Black Mail Y__ N __

Do you know how many times students have been accused of stealing various things from Faye over the years, and have suffered greatly because of it? # of times you recall ____

Are you aware of the privacy of information Act. Y__ N __

Do you advise the students to write in their reports about any abuse or harm to happened them as a child Y__ N __ Do you know for sure who else reads these reports aside from Faye Y__ N __ Do you know that these reports in the past have been in various people’s houses and not secure? Y___ N___ Do you recommend that the students be careful of what they write in their reports based on this past history of using information in their reports against them Y__ N __

Are you aware of students who have been verbally berated in front of the class especially at the retreats. Y__ N __ Has this ever happened to you Y__ N__ If so what did you do ________

Are you aware that there is no protection for the Student if anything happens to this student in relation to Faye’s abuse, that upper levels will address no abuse with Faye (even on the ethics & “listening committee) thus there is no recourse or rights or policy manual or student body that can assist this student on abuse or theft problems, and that this constantly occurs in the Training. Y__ N __

Are you aware of the accusations from Faye of students sexually abusing their own child and when found out that this is not true, Faye still constantly reminds this student of the abuse they committed to their children Y__ N __

Do you tell students and potential students the complete cost & schedule of the training in level 1 Y__ N __

Do you tell the students of the beautiful relationships that are broken up by Faye and the upper levels, and that it is always the other person’s fault in a relationship, especially if they are not in the training. Y__ N __ Are you aware that since students fear loss of ascension by disagreeing with the training that this form of control causes students to side with the training’s view causing relationships to break up Y__ N __

Are you aware of the sexual innuendos of group sex in upper level courses and that this is a way of healing yourself of all your sexual problem, even though you may not have any problems in the first place, and that Faye often says she would love to join in and help heal you. Y__ N __

Is the Training a member of any other group or organization like Living in Power, a church that is used to get more people into the training. Y__ N __

Do you tell potential students why there is such a high turn over of students, and that upper levels who leave the training report they become aware they have been abused, taken advantage and misled all this time Y__ N__ Do you disclose that many who leave identify that they have been in a cult that uses mind control to get you to believe that this person by the name of Faye Fitzgerald is the remember, is God and that she can do no wrong or that she will not harm to you because anything you experience, even if you think it is abuse will bring you closer to God, heal you, or that you need it because you are on the Path to higher enlightenment Y__ N __

Are you aware that in Level 6 you are taught a suicide healing Y__ N__

Are you aware of a recent report by a qualified Hypotherapist and Psyotherapist that claims the training is all about hypnosis and is dangerous Y__ N__

To the Asker of these Questions.

You Now Have the Knowledge to Let Your True Spirit Make a Conscious Choice on Your Behalf. Please pass this information along to any one who might need it or a loved one that you care about. You can help make this earth a better place to live, to heal, to love.

Expose this kind of Spiritual Abuse.

Make Sure you Hear both Sides of the Story Allowing you to Have a Choice. You do have a Choice.

An Ex-member's Story

February 12, 2009 -

Laura Shopen

I forgave Faye the moment I realized that the only power she ever had over me was the power I gave her over me. In that moment of epiphany, I laughed. I was only in Power Training for 3 years, but I'd had a crash-course in its ways.

I met my husband, got married and had a baby (Ray) in those same 36 months. Three months after our son's birth, signs of abnormality -- flu that turns into pneumonia and does not respond to drugs, rampant thrush, and skin that completely peeled away from his scalp -- began to appear. At first the doctors suspected AIDS. Finally, though, they had a more unusual diagnosis. My beautiful, red-haired baby Ray had been born with a rare genetic immune disorder -- Severe Combined Immune Deficiency -- which manifests in boys as a near total absence of T cells and B cells, the body’s defense system.

As the reality began to sink in for me of all that Ray and I were to face, I was so thankful for Power Training as I needed those skills, the energy vibration, and my new, supportive spiritual family now more than ever. This was real.

I had no idea how things would unfold so differently than I expected.

It was a two or three months before Ray was admitted to Fred Hutch for a bone marrow transplant that my teacher/mentor/spiritual guru Faye did me a huge favor, although it took me many months, and even years, to see the Gift fully.

Ostensibly, Ray only 4 or 5 months old -- and I had been invited to receive what I assumed would be a powerful healing session with the ‘upper levels’. In reality, it was to be my intervention. I sat in a circle with my sick, under-weight baby, and instead of receiving healing, I was given some TIP ‘tough love.’

I was surprised and happy at first to see Faye, herself, was there. And then the nightmare began. Faye told me I was in denial, and that there was evil occurring right under my nose to my poor, sick little guy. Even though the best high-tech immunologists in the world were telling me that I was a carrier of a known but rare X-linked genetic mutation that they’d actually identified in my DNA, that day Faye insisted that the true reason Ray was sick was that my husband was sexually abusing him and had been for weeks since he was born.

Science be damned was the attitude. She could ‘see’ it in their energy fields, she claimed. She added that Ray was born too soon and wasn’t ready for this.

It was like a surprise dunking in ice water to my whole nervous system. That afternoon, in my shock and horror, I broke down. I dissolved. Through my tears, I cried -- how could this be? She suggested he/my husband was doing it while I was gone, and the upper levels all nodded their heads in silent agreement. But I almost never leave the baby! I cried. Next, she told me he was doing it at night while I was asleep. But we all sleep in the same room usually in the same bed! -- since I’m nursing.

Finally, she told me something that even then in my shattered state sounded totally crazy, but she said it without flinching: He was probably drugging Ray and me.

My world collapsed and it felt like an inner schism was created. My beloved teacher who I felt had become a second mother, along with her community of teachers who I had regarded as true family, had violated me. They betrayed my trust, and they had turned against me, my husband and my baby!

But wait -- had they? What was true?

Was it really that my own insanity and denial was betraying me and also my poor baby? Was my husband really a child molester? After all, what would a real child molester act like? Was I guilty, because I would not face the “truth”, as Faye called it? What’s more, was the source of this supposed denial rooted in my own repressed childhood abuse, as she also insisted? Was a subconscious part of me actively refusing to remember and admit being violated as a child?

The cascading implications were sickening to consider. My father, grandfathers, uncles, family friends were their evil ghosts in my past, too?

I was lost. I’d embraced Power Training with my heart and soul for 3 years. I felt the truth of many of its teachings, and I saw its positive effects in my life. I heard the words said so often in class to “be in Knowing” and I felt them fill me at my core. And now here I was facing life and death with my baby. It felt like a test, an Initiation. I was facing the Great Bar Exam of Life! Only the teacher … was she giving me a trick question? Suddenly, whereas before she taught me to Know my truth, now she appeared to be teaching me NOT know my own truth, but to know hers.

Or was that true?

My sanity was at stake. For months, I had to question everything I thought I ever knew. I did my own version of Carlos Castenada’s “recapitulation” as I stalked every memory, every feeling, every belief. If level 3 was really about Death energy, I was certainly living it. As bewildered, fractured, and hurting as I was, life and Ray’s medical problems went on. I wanted to retreat to a cave, lick my wounds, and figure things out, but that was not to be. I had a baby, a dying one that needed every ounce of my energy and resources -- to care for.

I left to stay with friends (other TIP students naturally, and I am grateful for their friendship and generosity to this day) and put my marital status on hold. I do not know what is the truth, but I have to find out, I told my husband. To his credit - I do not know where he found the wisdom and the strength in those days and weeks and months he stood solid. Somehow, miraculously, he stepped beyond his own fear and rage.

Ironically and beautifully, I look back and see that he exhibited the type of behavior I would expect from a true Spiritual Warrior, as TIP claimed to be teaching us to be.

I didn’t do it, that’s the truth, he said calmly when I confronted him. I will be here for you, waiting. I want to be a family with you and Ray, and I will do whatever you need and I will wait for however long it takes. My hope is you will see and come back, and I will be waiting.

The weeks wore on. It may seem surprising, but I continued to go to the monthly Power Training meetings. In my overwhelm and confusion, I did know one thing: I knew I could not afford to make a mistake. If Faye and her conclusions and belief system were wrong, I could make a serious mistake that would cause a great deal of suffering in my life and in the lives of others. However, if Faye was correct, there were hardly words for suffering that would continue and for the irresponsible negligence and cowardice of which I would be to blame.

I only remember one more personal interaction with Faye. After a women’s group, she came up to me and said, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” A part of me winced, and a part of me resonated. I did feel her hurt. That felt sincere.

For weeks, I felt like I was driving through a downpour without windshield wipers, like I was running in mud, like I had woken up in a nightmare, but couldn’t snap out of it back to my warm bed. I tried to see, but it was like I was staring through a crazy kaleidoscope: Every reflection on every mirrored facet was telling me a completely different story, all of them horrific. There seemed to be nowhere to turn for safety and no one I could trust. The doctors clearly had their personal, professional, and monetary agendas and biases. My own family could hardly bear the news about Ray’s medical diagnosis, let alone the rest of the painful melodrama that was interwoven. My closest friends, even my sister, were in TIP and while they offered support, I could see the questioning in their own eyes about me and what I might be denying. My husband, well, I had to be extremely careful there.

The thought came to me when you are stuck in the kaleidoscope, stop!

Turn your eyes away from the crazy reflections.

Center. Just for this moment, you are safe.

Look down at your feet.

There now, just take one small step.

And now one more.

Rest.

Inch your way along.

You will find your Way out.

I needed to watch, to witness, to stalk the situation. Many of the skills I learned in TIP were the very disciplines that helped me to piece the puzzle back together and to extricate myself. I needed to observe myself and others in that environment, and I needed to hear with new ears and see with new eyes. I also knew intuitively that if I left out of fear, she would own a piece of me, because I would forever be on the run, in reaction. It would be giving power to fear, and she would be my god.

So I went to meetings, I did my meditations, and I waited. A line from the Course in Miracles, a spiritual work that I’d practiced previously and which I practice today stuck in my mind. I need do nothing. I practiced patience. I realized the Truth just is. My life was in limbo, but in that there was some luxury of time.

I could wait quietly and let the truth be revealed to me.

Meanwhile, we were in and out of the hospital as the time drew nearer for Ray’s bone marrow transplant treatment, tacking back and forth between one emergency and another. My husband remained faithfully supportive, and I remained...undecided and alternating between cautious and suspicious.

Ray took me through several life-and-death moments, but there was one that changed me forever.

Ray had first become sick in March of 1997, and now it was August. At around ten days after the new bone marrow cells had been infused, which came on the heels of chemo to kill any traces of T/B cells just in case, Ray’s little body went into crisis. The weeks of sickness, the disorder itself, the cocktail of poison agents that had been administered, and the foreign cells that were trying to take over his marrow and build a new home in his bones - it all became too much. All of his systems were struggling to perform their functions, his kidneys especially.

There were many little steps, missteps, and other developments that led up to the ultimate crisis -- a ‘Code Red’ situation during which he almost asphyxiated and received an emergency intubation. His time sedated on a breathing machine in Intensive Care was like an hour glass with too little sand. We moved from one touch-and-go moment to the next, as the doctors, nurses, and pain experts danced the delicate dance of keeping this little 8-month-old sedated, oxygenated, pain free all without killing him or his brain function.

Finally, it seemed like the experts had run out of tricks in their black bags - he was losing oxygen and time was short. I felt every fiber of my being recoil at the idea of what was happening. A queasy feeling came up, and I excused myself âs I had to leave the room to pull myself together.

Alone, in our first room (which they thankfully had not given to a new patient yet), I did the only thing I could think to do - I said goodbye to Ray. I could feel him leaving, I could feel he was making a choice. As I stood there, I could also feel my mom who had died in a tragic car accident when I was only 5 in the room. I felt peace to sense her with us. I knew she was there on her side to help him if he went that way; I was here on my side if he stayed.

Miraculously, the scene reformatted somehow in my mind, and as I opened myself to allow Ray to make his choice, I felt the antiquity of what was happening. I saw the scenes of abandonment and loss that had been played out so many times for the three of us over the eons. I also felt a personal choice very clear: If Ray leaves, the world, which doesn’t even know the half of what I’ve been through, will condone my choice -- as a new, loving mother of an innocent baby -- to feel sad, to feel loss, to feel victimized, to feel abandoned and betrayed by everyone - Faye and God both. My chance at motherhood, my new family, my first baby’s gone, the next on a long chain made of tragedy, abandonment and death in my life.

All of these pain thoughts flitted through my mind like a deck of cards. What struck me was how nicely this loss would fit with the rest of the story of my life and even my extended family’s life. Ours was a long tale of betrayal and loss.

But somehow I was suspended at a different level of mind. And while the old feelings/belief system/identity felt familiar and justifiable by the world’s standards, I somehow could see it all anew.

I could see a pattern form, and with that, an aha occurred. For a moment, I could see my past, this life and eons before like an old, weathered and worn tape. The same story was playing over and over. But from this view, it seemed like a bunch of meaningless noise, droning on and on, the ego’s sordid tale that I continually fall for and that keeps me stuck asleep in a dream world. A movie nightmare.

Somehow though, in that moment, I was between choices and I could see it for what it was.

No matter how righteous and proper the world and I might agree feeling abandonment and loss was, it was just more noise and drama and emptiness. It was another house of cards, an illusion, a set up.

I thought I was loving, yet this clinging, selfish, identity-entangled attachment definitely wasn’t Love.

Words can’t really adequately describe what happened next. I can only say that something shifted then - like a huge, visceral CLICK that reverberated through me and the infinite space around me, and in that split moment, with the contrast so clearly highlighted for me, I made a different choice. I chose against the old way of fear, and by doing so, I naturally defaulted to the choice of Love.

I just knew I am Love and Ray is Love and that we re joined. He could never truly leave me, ever. I would be here in my form, here on this earth, for him, if he chose to stay. And my mother, his grandma, would be there for him in her spiritual form he decided to transition. And either way we’d be together, the three of us. At the level of Love, we are truly joined.

I knew if Ray died I would have sadness, but I knew it wouldn’t devastate me and I knew his death wasn’t ultimately real.

The entire epiphany took only a few minutes, although the truth of it continues to unfold for me 12 years later. About 15 minutes after I’d left the room and had my shift, my husband knocked on the door and came in. “You can come back now; he said. Ray’s fine.

He really was fine, too. His oxygen levels had been stabilized and all his stats were good. The graft was going well. Within a few days, he was off the breathing machine. The young, midnight respiratory therapist confessed he had never seen a case like Ray’s recover before and was surprised to find him back on his patient list. The euphemism wasn’ t lost on me. And to make matters better, within just a few short more days we were back home. All of us, home.

Ray never had another crisis. He never had any serious graft-vs-host issues, any infections, growth problems, or blood issues. At 12, he’s never been seriously sick since.

My marriage, over time, healed. I could never have believed then that I could be so happy and so grateful to have him in my life, but thirteen years later I am.

Perhaps what happened that day is that I altered time. Perhaps that CLICK was my shift to a new ‘alternate ending’ in this made up movie. I chose a new tape, one that contains The Answers. It didn’t happen overnight, but gradually, day by day, month by month, I have put the pieces together again, yet somehow they are shiny new this time. I have peace I never had before. It’s easier to forgive. It’s easier to feel the Light guiding me and see it guiding others even when they can’t.

It’s been a gradual process. It took about two years or so to fully process my anguish and fear and mixed feelings of betrayal/loss about Faye and Power Training before I had that belly-laugh epiphany. Faye is like the Wizard of Oz. She had only the power that I gave her - all because I thought she had something I wanted and needed. Silly girl am I! In that moment, I felt ancient handcuffs come off my wrists and knew I was released forever. And as it dawned on me what we had been playing out, I just sat and laughed a long, hard belly laugh.

Faye was a tremendous teacher to me, indeed. Thankfully, I took Faye at face value when she taught me to be in Knowing. And I think back to all the red flags early on that tweaked that inner Light in me, the same that is in all of us. “Forgiveness is over-rated” she said. I startled at the comment, and put the statement on a mental shelf during that class to continue to evaluate. Men could never be as spiritually advanced as women, she said, because they carry a tragic flaw. Again, a discordant note was struck within me, but a part of me put this on a shelf, too.

I allowed a lot of leeway, looked away when certain stories would surface, etc. Ultimately I wanted something from her- I wanted what I saw: her confidence, her charisma, her psychic gifts, her importance, her courage, her strength, and her abundance.

Something within me felt unequal and unworthy and guilty. I thought I needed the Wizard and her bag of tricks to take me home.

Faye was using hypnosis in classes and in person all the time, her meditation techniques would help people enter into a slightly altered state of mind in which we naturally became more suggestible, more easily programmed, and in an emotionalized state that intensifies our desire to achieve a goal, especially when delivered by an authority figure.

And yet I also know that all hypnosis is ultimately self hypnosis. Many people have tried the group and left right away. Many people, like my husband, distrusted Faye and her manner instantly. It’s helpful, albeit difficult, to see how those of us who stayed acquiesced.

Today, I am who I am partly because of the invaluable lessons I learned from being with Faye. As a hypnotherapist, I, too, use hypnosis, although I’m transparent about it. People trust me to help them find their own inner truth and answers, and I trust myself to be present with them when they are open and more vulnerable. I’m grateful for my experiences, because I truly trust myself working with others. I understand the difference between exploiting someone for my own needs and allowing the Light within us both to lead the way and use my therapeutic skills for Its purpose. I know this is the true meaning of spiritual service just as I know that their healing is really none of my business.

Ultimately the healing is always for me. It’s contingent on my total forgiveness of whatever flaw I see in the person or situation in front of me. Choose again, the Light says every time I’m confronted with anger, abuse, irritation, fear, or sickness. I know something Greater than me is in charge, gently guiding both of us to choose to heal.

I am really forgiving me for mistakenly believing in an illusion that was never really real.

Many may relate to the feeling that we’ve been here before. We’ve played these parts before, crossing paths, switching roles and genders, feeding fear and pain in each other for eons. I definitely feel Faye and I have been here before; perhaps last time, I was the delusional, fear-obsessed, power hungry charismatic leader, and she was the student that I mistakenly ‘abused’.

For all those selves tied up in all those past stories, the Light quietly waits. It waits for us to turn to It so it can gently show us the way out of our madness, beyond the lying facets of the crazy kaliedescope.

It will never yell to capture our attention, threaten, or cajole; It merely waits with patience. It will not take away what we think we still want and need. It will just wait for us to finally say, like a kid who has sickened himself from eating junk food that seemed so tempting, there must be a better way.

And with that question, the horror of the past becomes a classroom. We, my friends, have had an amazing Classroom. We thought we were getting something valuable from the group and from Faye and from being part of The Story, and it turns out we were. Faye, as our teacher, mirrors something profound for us that ultimately we have condemned ourselves for at a deep level.

And as we let her off the hook, we free ourselves.

The Light in each of us waits for us to make a new choice - to choose Love over Fear, Forgiveness over Judgment, Content over Form.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, Faye. I love you, I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me. And as my dear sister, I wish you well.