You're Not Walter White
originally posted HERE.
3 REASONS YOU THINK YOU’RE WALTER WHITE
AND 5 REASONS YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY NOT.
You watch Breaking Bad and you think- “I could do that- if it came down to it, I could.”
You understand Walt’s choices and you hope that you’d make the same ones for the same good reasons.
((SPOILERS))
1) Walt helped build Gray Matter Technologies-
You had an idea once.
Via images.wikia.com
We’ve all had an idea that later becomes a big thing.
I’m still kicking myself for not investing in this gem when I had the idea back in 2008.
If you didn’t have your own idea- you know someone who has. Just like Walt.
2) Walt is a nebbish high school teacher who ends up ruling druglords with fear-
You’re a quiet person with a mean streak.
Via raindance.org
You have at least one good story about that one time you were pushed to extremes.
We all have a breaking point, no matter how meek and sometimes we’re mean just for fun.
From freezing people’s underwear at a sleepover to forwarding a known virus to a co-worker- people can be mean. Just like Walt.
3) Walt would do anything for his family-
You would do anything for your family.
You may not always agree with them, but they’re family.
Blood is thicker than water and you’d die before letting them suffer- ever.
Just like Walt.
However, there are some roadblocks to your rise-
5) Episodes 1-3 of season 1.
Within 3 weeks being diagnosed with inoperable cancer, Walter teams up with an addict to cook meth, suffocates one dealer with gas and garrotes the other.
In twenty-one days he’s murdered two people and will melt their bodies with chemicals to hide the evidence of his involvement in meth cooking. You can’t even name the chemical.
4) You’re not a Chemist.
Via images.wikia.com
You’re not even a hobby chemist. Your idea of chemistry involves Mentos and a two-liter of Diet Coke.
Also, you had to look up the Heisenberg reference just like the rest of us.
I mean, even a sophomore chemistry student can synthesize phenylacetic acid (s4 ep10) and since you can’t- you’re out of luck.
3) You couldn’t devise one of Walt’s 14 plans to cover tracks or save his life.
Via images.wikia.com
While I can’t outline them all, I’ve given them little titles and listed them from basic to genius- Chemo Payments Lie, Crazy Walt,
Gale’s Burn Notice, R.V. Legal Battle, RV gas escape, Methylamine-style Cooking, Tuco’s Ricin, Gus’ Assassination I, Train Heist,
Pest Control, Prison Hits, Gus’ Assassination II, Lottery Coordinates, Lilly of the Valley. You didn’t even know Lilly of the Valley was poisonous.
2) You’re not a chemical genius.
I need to reiterate this point- Okay. Let’s say you’re a basement chemist. You’re not a chemical genius.
Walter is so talented a chemist that he developed his own method of cooking meth, which is so specific and amazing that his sole
knowledge of the recipe saves his life at least twice. Even Gale, a professional chemist, was in awe of Walt’s work and unable to replicate it.
So, again- you’re out of luck.
1) You would’ve saved Jesse’s girlfriend.
Plain and simple- the television show about your life ends after two seasons when you save Jesse’s girlfriend and they run off with Jesse’s money,
leaving you to cook for Gus and work with Gale. Once your three-month contract is up- the Salamanca twins murder this shit out of you, probably with an axe.
Boring.