For Grins

Why is a ukulele player like a tire?
-Round and full of air (Ira)
-Sometimes Flat (KG)
-Both stink when you burn them (Claire)
-Worn out and about as much fun (Stephen)

What's the difference between a ukulele club wedding and a ukulele club funeral? 
One less drunk.

Two ukulele players walk into a bar...I forget the rest.

Why is it so hard to keep a ukulele in tune?
- So banjo players can feel superior about something.

YouTube Video


What do you call ten ukuleles at the bottom of the ocean? - A good start.

How do you protect a valuable instrument? 
- Hide it in an ukulele case.

What's the difference between a chainsaw and an ukulele? 
- A chainsaw can be tuned. 

What's the difference between an onion and an ukulele?  
- No-one cries when you chop up an ukulele. 





A woman is at a uke festival with a lovely soprano ukulele under her arm. Another woman walks up and gazes admiringly at the first woman's uke, at which point the woman holding the uke looks over and says with a smile; "I got it for my husband." Second woman nods and says, "good trade."



Ukulele players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."


What's a gentleman? 
- Somebody who knows how to play the ukulele but doesn't.

What's the range of an ukulele?
 - Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! 

What's the difference between an ukulele player and a terrorist? 
- Terrorists have sympathizers.

YouTube Video



What's the difference between an ukulele and a banjo? 
- The ukulele takes less time to burn. 

If you drop a set of bagpipes and a ukulele off a 20-story building which one lands first? 
- Who cares? 

What's the difference between an Uzi and an ukulele? - The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.