On Choosing a Retirement Home
On Choosing a Retirement Home
Copyright Harris B. McKee 2018
"I've just been admitted to Calvin Manor, (a CCRC in Des Moines) can you come up this weekend and help me move?" my mother said in her phone call to me as she called on Thursday from Iowa to me in Dallas in the summer of 1985. She had been on a waiting list that promised about an 18 month wait for a couple of months when she got her acceptance. Perhaps the fact that my father had been on the board that created Calvin Manor in 1957 aided her early admission.
I negotiated a one week delay, but a week later we were in Iowa helping her move the 20 miles to her new quarters. It was a studio unit which she made livable by opening a hide-a-bed every night and folding it up every morning which we thought was quite remarkable for an 85 year old.
Like Independent Living in the Admiral, she had most of her meals in a common dining room. She had taught her way through college, living in an apartment all the way, so the opportunity to eat and meet her fellow residents was like a traditional college experience for her. She was ecstatic about the opportunity and was soon elected treasurer of the resident's association.
Four years later, she suffered a stroke and never regained enough strength to return to Independent Living. She was able to interact with us and enjoyed our visits. One visit has provided much joy for my side of the family, but probably much less for my brother.
I had been visiting our mother about every two weeks for a few hours. My brother, a foreign service officer, was often stationed out of the country, lived in the Washington, D.C. when in the states and didn't see mother very often. He had scheduled a visit on a particular weekend, so we made plans to drive down from our home, by then in Minnesota, to see him and Mother. When he arrived on Friday afternoon, he found Mother waiting in the hallway. As he approached, she said, "My son Alan is coming to see me today." He replied, "Yes, I am he." She answered, "No you're not." and they proceeded to have a discussion about whether he had know her sons near Indianola. He acknowledged knowing me since he was a small boy and knowing himself his whole life. At some point in the conversation, she began talking to him as her son without ever having a specific recognition that the visitor was he.
The next morning, we arrived with our dog Trapper .(Calvin Manor was happy to have visiting pets.) When we were still about 50 feet away, Mother recognized the dog, and called out, "Hi, Trapper." My brother was quite insulted to find the dog more recognized than him.
In the time that my mother lived in Calvin Manor, we lived first in Dallas, then in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and finally in Waseca, Minnesota. The fact that she was receiving special care and attention despite our moves around the country planted the idea in our heads of the value a Continuing Care Community could be.
Mary's mother and father planned to be pioneers in a Methodist affiliated CCRC in Indianola, Iowa where they lived. He died before the complex was completed but she became the very first resident in her own two bedroom Independent Living unit. We watched as she advanced through Assisted Living and finally completed her life in the Skilled Care unit.
These motherly examples were great gifts to us and we had decided that it would be good for our children if we would find a similar place to live. In the Arkansas area we loved, there was a CCRC that was probably similar to the Admiral; and we had a number of friends who lived there, including one couple that we had known in Dallas. But that location was just far enough from Bella Vista where we lived and had been so involved in the community that we realized we would be giving up much of the community we called home.
We decided if we were going to give up the community anyway, we might as well be closer to our daughters, so the Admiral at the Lake became an easy choice. And we have loved being here.