jesuslovespez

Jesus Loves Pez

This article is an op-ed started by a Catholic who wanted to say that Jesus wouldn't eat Pez because of the sugar in it. I was happy to fill in the "yes" side for this back page of the Carillon, the University of Regina student newspaper, ca. February 2003.

by Lee Harding

If you're wondering whether the Jewish Carpenter, the Messiah, the Lord, the Saviour of the World, the One, the Only Jesus of Nazareth would eat Pez, the answer is . . . YES!

How can I say this with such confidence, you ask? The answer is simple: PEZ TASTES GOOD! Yum! Pez! So, why wouldn't Jesus eat Pez? Pez is as kosher as matzo bread. Any good Jew can eat Pez, including Jesus. Jesus drank wine and He has no problem ingesting some candy. Besides, 1 Timothy 4:2-5 says everything made by God is good and we can eat it if we thank Him. Thank God for Pez!

Pez is fun and so is Jesus. Jesus was the most joyful man on earth. Hebrews 1:9 says of Him, "God . . . has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy." So forget all those pictures of the sour-faced, sombre Jesus that should have been left in the Middle Ages. That is a false Christ! Jesus is the happiest man in history! He burst out of the tomb with joy and, according to some Gnostic gospels, was eating Pez as he passed by the angels. (Some texts say the angels also ate Pez, while others say they ate Philadelphia Cream Cheese). Why the advertisers missed this, I don't know: "Pez, Candy of the Resurrection!"

Pez is even a part of Jesus’ miracles. The Gnostic gospels tell a lesser-known story when Jesus fed the 5000 with Pez. But even the canonical gospels indicate the presence of Pez. Take John 9:6, where Jesus healed a blind man: “Having said this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man's eyes.” Now why do you think Jesus had so much spit to work with? Simple—He was salivating while eating Pez! “Pez, Candy of the Miraculous!”

Jesus also likes Pez because it comes out of the “mouth” of the Pez dispensers. This is just like the Bible, which is has all kinds of word/ food comparisons: “For the ear tests words as the tongue tastes food” (Job 12:11; 34:3). “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). This candy is a reminder to say good things. Besides, in the beginning, God spoke, and the world came into existence. The world came out of His mouth. Now, with what other candy comes out of the mouth? It’s just like Pez: You flip back the head and out comes the Pez! Mmmm… “Pez, Candy of Creation!”

Pez is even like God Himself: “Taste and see that the LORD is good” (Psalm 34:8). God is good, just like Pez. “Pez: the Godly Candy!”

The case is closed. Jesus loves you; Jesus loves Pez! For all of you wearing “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelets—now you know. Jesus would eat Pez!