Chapter 12
Tina, slumped over the dining room table, played with a small bag of sleeping pills stuffed inside the pocket of her hoodie.
Maybe I should just give up on you.
Maybe you should.
It had been three nights since she had last seen Damon and it wasn’t because she had taken the pills Uriel gave her, despite being tempted, but because he hadn’t called her. Why didn’t he call her? He supposedly couldn’t help himself, so why didn’t he call her?
“Hey.” A hand patted her head.
“Hey.” She glanced up at Uriel. “You are back early.”
“Just came to pick something up.” Uriel put the folder he carried on the table and leaned on the table beside her. He combed his fingers through her hair. “You are looking depressed lately.”
“I’m not.” She just felt a little frustrated, that was all. Mainly because of that jerk. Her eyes slid to the thick folder, the one that Uriel had found when he had broken into Angelica’s file cabinet and which had become his favourite reading material since it contained results on Angelica’s research on Shadows. This was probably the item he had come to pick up. “I just need some ice cream.”
“Come on.” Uriel grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up.
“What are you doing?”
Uriel shoved the folder under his armpit before he pulled her with him. “You are coming with me to the lab.”
“But I can’t stand that place, you know that.” Tina dug her heels into the parquet.
“I’m not taking you to that part of the lab.” Uriel gave her a smile. “Come on. You can keep Haniel company.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Isn’t it boring being here on your own?” Uriel asked. “Wouldn’t you rather spend time with Haniel and listen to him enthuse over his mask prototypes?”
“Yes, but... I don't know,” Tina said, but she allowed Uriel to tug her behind him anyway. “Wouldn't I be in the way?”
“Of course not. Haniel would be happy to have you around.”
And she would be happy to be around Haniel too, but those cages where Angelica kept Shadows -- she didn’t want to spend her time anywhere near those. Tina wanted to think about it, but Uriel was already pulling her out of the kitchen and out of the house. He then drove them to the main building, where he guided her through hallways and security check points into the room lined with shelves and cabinets.
Haniel, who stood in the middle of the room between two long desks shaped in a semi- circle, rushed to them. “You finally came.”
“It’s not like you ever invited me.”
“I would have. You know that I would have if I had known that you wanted to come.”
“It’s not exactly that I wanted to come.” Tina looked at Uriel over her shoulder before she faced Haniel again and gave him a small smile. “I came to see this mask of yours.”
“Great.” Haniel wrapped his hand around hers and pulled her deeper into the room.
“I’m leaving her in your care,” Uriel said.
“Yes, yes.” Haniel’s eyes shone as he looped his arm around Tina’s and steered her past the two men occupied with a row of screens and some apertures on the long, curved desk near the door. “You are going to love them, they are so awesome.” He looked her. “Really.”
“I believe you.”
“You don’t have to.” Haniel stopped before the second desk and pressed the button under the edge of the desk. A part of the surface moved and a narrow box rose from the hole. “Look.” He picked up one of octagons that lay on the black silicon.
Tina leaned over Haniel’s hand. It looked like a medallion, and with its white curves on the black and grey surface, it could be a stylish accessory, despite being quite thick. She glanced at the box, and there were more of them, some of them rounder, some square, in brown and grey tones with white and black lines, which made them look as if they had layers. “What is that?”
“The mask.”
“You are kidding.”
“Nope. Watch.” Haniel put the medallion over his mouth and pressed on the middle of it. The curves on the octagon started to shift and unfold until they covered Haniel's jaw, mouth and nose.
“You did this?” Tina touched it, it was cold and smooth, its texture similar to metal.
“Yes, what do you think?” Haniel’s voice was clear as if nothing obstructed his face.
“It’s... it’s great.” Tina’s fingers trailed over the curve of the octagonal medallion still visible over Haniel’s mouth.
“I knew you would like it,” Haniel said. “This is the filter.”
“You did this yourself?”
“With a little help.”
“You are awesome.”
Haniel pressed on the middle of octagon. The mask retracted back into the medallion and revealed the wide smile that decorated Haniel’s face. “No, it’s nothing.”
“Nothing? Don’t be so modest.” Tina snatched the medallion from Haniel’s hand and examined it. “You made something that will prevent Shadows from feeding on us. And just the mask, how it works... I’ve never seen anything like it. You really are amazing. How did you do that?”
Haniel started to explain, but Tina lost him soon after he moved from the materials that he used to the procedure of mask making. “Why are there different looking ones?” she interrupted him.
“Because they have different filters. We still haven’t tested them. I mean, all the filters work -- we ran simulations, so we are sure of it -- but we still need to test them on a real Shadow and eliminate all that are not working a hundred percent.”
“And how are you going to do that? Put on the mask and confront one?”
“No need for that.” Haniel took the medallion from her hand and put it into the box before he pressed on the button. The box descended into the counter and the wooden surface covered the hole. “Hey, do you want to see it?”
“What?”
“Uriel is testing fabrics right now. Do you want to see how it’s done?”
“I don’t think so. I’m not fan of Shadows, they are creepy.”
“You are afraid of them?”
“You know that I am.” At just the thought of them, perspiration dampened her nape and temples and it felt like a cramp overtook her body, like she couldn’t move.
“You shouldn’t run away from your fears, you should face them.”
“That’s something Uriel would say.” Tina wrapped her arms around her middle.
“Yes, those are Uriel’s words. I heard them a lot when I was a child.” Haniel fixed his hands on the edge of the desk, then used them to pull himself up and sit on the counter. “I was quite a scaredy cat when I was little; not something I’m proud of.” A smile stretched his mouth. “He is right, you know. If you have fears you have to confront them head on, otherwise they will grow until it becomes impossible to overcome them.”
“That’s something Uriel would say too.”
“These are actually his words.”
“Which he told you?”
“Yes.”
“He talks like he isn’t afraid of anything.”
“Yeah,” Haniel said. “Even though he is.”
Tina raised her brows. “He seems pretty fearless to me.”
“He is, most of the time. But we all have our fears, even Uriel. The trick is not to allow them to overtake you.”
“So what is your fear?” Tina had to ask.
“To lose a member of our little family. That something might happen to one of you and I won’t be able to do anything about it. That I won’t be able to protect you, because I’m too weak.” Haniel’s hands curled.
“You are not weak. The fact that you are able to talk about it tells how strong you are.”
“I want to be strong physically, strong like them.”
She knew who ‘them’ meant. Muriel and Uriel, and maybe even Damon. “Then work on it.”
Haniel gave her a look under his brows. “I will if you will.”
“That’s not fair.”
Haniel jumped off the counter. “A lot of things are not fair.” He offered her his hand. “It can’t hurt you, not here.”
“I don’t want to.” Tina stared at the hand.
“Don’t be such a sissy.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Sissy.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, the naughty smile that stretched his lips grating on her nerves. She understood his reasoning; she understood she should get rid of her fear of Shadows as soon as possible. Shadows were dangerous, but it would be even more dangerous if her fear made her freeze at the sight of them.
“Sissy.”
“Okay, then,” she finally agreed and followed a grinning Haniel.
They crossed the hallway, went through a steel door, which looked like the door to a vault, and then passed three similar ones, with Haniel identifying himself with his voice and a password every time they stepped past a thick doorpost.
The first thing she saw as they stepped through the last ‘vault’ door was Uriel sitting before the row of displays floating above the long table full of appliances with buttons and keys. The icy-blue glass behind the displays divided the small space they were in from the row of glass cages, and in one of those cages... Her heartbeat started to accelerate.
“What are you two doing here?” Uriel stood up and went to Tina’s side, his eyes searching Tina’s face.
“Haniel said that I should face my fears,” Tina said. “And stop looking at me like that.”
“You are shaking.”
Tina’s gaze slid down to her fingers trembling against her side. So she was. She wrapped her arm around Haniel’s. “I’m fine.”
“Come on.” Haniel pulled her forward toward the long desk, where he dragged out the chair and offered it to her.
Tina sank onto the brown leather and pressed her back against the soft surface. She didn’t want to be here. She glanced at the black fog that twisted between small, fabric-covered panels that danced around it, forming squares and circles. Every now and then a panel flew down and sunk into the floor.
“It’s not so bad, is it?” Haniel asked her.
She shook her head. No, it wasn’t so bad. The Shadow behind the two glass barriers and among the panels didn’t seem so menacing; however, the thought of seeing the thing up close without the obstacles between them still awoke in her the urge to flee. “What are those squares for?”
“I told you, Uriel is testing fabrics.” Haniel slumped down into the chair beside her. “Look.” He pointed at the panels. “Every one of them is different, and we are searching for the one the Shadow can’t pass through.”
“We haven’t had any luck, so far.” Uriel sat down on the chair at Tina’s right. “Since the thickness of the weave and the fabric’s flammability influences the Shadow’s ability to pass or burn through the fabric, all the existing fabrics are of no use to us. I hoped that leather might work, but it doesn’t because it has pores.”
“Aren’t you using that fancy Lost research centre to make us some that would work?” Haniel asked.
“Yes, we are already testing the samples that they sent and the majority of them are useless.” Uriel leaned over the counter and pressed a few buttons. A row of new panels ascended from the floor and joined the existing ones. “Your science fiction outfit will have to wait.”
“Bummer,” Haniel said. “And I was looking forward to playing a space warrior.”
The part of the wall in the cage next to the Shadow opened and two people, dressed all in white, appeared through it, dragging something behind them. They tossed their burden before them and retreated into the hole, which closed as soon as they disappeared into it.
Tina frowned. What was that? She leaned toward the glass and strained her eyes. “It looks human.” But it couldn’t be human, could it? “Is this a human?”
“It was a Mamael,” Uriel said.
“What does that mean?”
“That means that it used to be a Mamael and now is a Deadeater, not fully transformed yet,” Uriel explained.
It was human! She stared at Uriel. She couldn’t believe that they would use a human. Her mouth fell open. How could they?
“It’s not a Mamael anymore,” Haniel broke the tension that enveloped them. “It hasn’t been for some time now.”
“You said that he’s not turned yet.” Tina pursed her lips.
“That doesn’t mean that he was a Mamael just a moment ago,” Haniel said. “The Damned, they have a refrigerating chamber.”
“So?”
“Whenever the Damned manage to find a Deadeater in the process of turning, they bring it here and, well, store them,” Uriel said. “They are a delicacy, very esteemed among the Elders.”
“They have quite a few of them in the refrigerating chamber,” Haniel added.
Tina didn’t know who to glare at. “They are still alive.”
Uriel sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “You shouldn’t forget that the soul of a person attacked by a Deadeater is gone, despite his body rising up again.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “The newly awakened Deadeater might have some recollection of his previous life and the imprint of his soul still lingers, which enables him to feel, but he is not a Mamael anymore. He is a waking dead and his world centres on his thirst and his hive, and that’s all that matters to him.”
“But, but...” Tina pointed her shaking finger at the body that lay on the ground; the arms and legs twitching, “He’s still alive.”
The glass between cages lifted.
“Technically, no,” Uriel said.
The Shadow stilled, a patch of fog peeked above the obstacles that twirled around it before it shot left through the panels and toward the body, whose jerking worsened.
“But...” She couldn’t tear her gaze away from the Shadow.
“Look, we need this Shadow. It might not die if it’s not being fed, but without the nourishment it will shrink into a small ball, and I can’t work with it when it is in that kind of shape.”
Tina bit her lip. She knew that she wasn’t perfect, far from it, but she wasn’t evil, so how could she condone using any creature like that, even if that creature was dead, as Uriel had pointed out. “Please, can you just kill it now? The Deadeater?”
“He isn’t aware of what’s going on,” Haniel said.
“Why are we allowing things like this to happen?” Tina dug her fingers into the softness of the seat. “Aren’t we the good guys? We can’t be the good guys if we allow things like that.”
“The world isn’t just black and white, there’s a lot of grey in between and sometimes for the common good, we have to do things we don’t agree with.”
“I am the one that doesn’t agree; you... you look like you don’t care about it.”
“That’s right, I don’t mind using Deadeaters. I have been using them all of my life: to feed myself, to feed my brothers, and if you remember I have even collected them for Angelica’s experiments -- and you have seen what goes on in Angelica’s experiments.”
How could he? Tina’s knuckles turned white. She knew that the Dumes didn’t burden themselves with Deadeaters’ deaths. She didn’t either, not when they killed them for feeding or in the heat of the battle, where Deadeaters posed a threat. She had killed a couple of them, too, but she did mind that the Dumes could so easily treat the Deadeaters as objects. It made her think that they might see humans as objects too. “But I thought...?”
“What?”
“That you were good.” Tina said. "No, you are good, I know that." She frowned. “I guess I looked at you as, well..."
Uriel raised his brows.
“As some sort of hero.” As somebody who is almost perfect.
“As a hero?” Uriel snorted. “This world never had real heroes, just people posing as them.”
“That’s not true. This world is full of heroes; they just aren’t the Superman kind. And stop trying to be mean.”
“I’m not trying to be mean.” Uriel’s hand touched Tina’s neck and his thumb started to draw circles on her skin. “You are too idealistic. You have to open your eyes and see things as they are. We are Bloodeaters; we are not evil, but our ethics are different from Mamaels’. You have to accept that if you intend to live among us.”
Yes, she knew that. And she did accept it -- well, almost. Tina’s chin dipped to her chest while her fingernails scratched over the edge of the chair.
“And it’s not like all Mamaels are good and noble,” Haniel spoke up. “I watch the news here and there -- Mamaels can be quite nasty, sometimes even more than Elders.”
“Do you remember what I said to you?” Uriel asked.
“What?” She turned toward Uriel.
“That I wanted you to have a choice.”
She nodded.
“That’s one of the reasons.”
“What? That I question your moral code?”
“Yes.”