Remembering Winafred

Letters from Friends

I’ve known Winafred Lucas since 1962 when I first met her as a patient, then became her colleague and later, her friend. A friend who had known her at City College suggested I see her because she was someone with a reputation for “understanding gay people,” at a time when many therapists didn’t. Initially, she practiced psychoanalysis, then as the times changed, Transcendental meditation, journal therapy and group encounter, and finally, her own school of Transpersonal psychology. She emerged from the psychology department of UCLA along with other refugees from W.W. II Europe - Hedda Bolgar and Evelyn Hooker, among others. These women were role models for a generation of therapists - courageous, inquisitive, dedicated, and outspoken.

Winafred changed my life. She taught me first of all, that religion should not restrict and punish its adherents and, if it did, you should resign your membership. “What a lot of claptrap!” she once said in a moment of exasperation. “Find your own way, Marilyn. Don’t let others tell you what to think!” I listened, found my own way, and eventually that path led to Unitarianism and the freedom to think for myself.

Winafred lifted the burden of shame from my life in another sphere as well. When other therapists insisted on “treating” homosexuality, she was able to confirm same-sex feelings and help others such as myself sustain long and rewarding relationships. I’ve been with my partner for 36 years and attribute our ability to weather many crises to Winafred’s belief that we are entitled to a strong and loving relationship every bit as much as “traditional” couples are.

Winafred saw a larger vision of people than they often saw of themselves. When I complained that I was feeling stuck in high school teaching, she told me that I lacked imagination! I was indignant, so much so, that I bought a ticket on the S.S. Bremen and sailed to Europe for the summer where I wandered, encountered other people and their cultures and, of course, learned more about myself. By the time I returned, I knew that she had been right; my world had been too small. Shortly thereafter, I went back to graduate school, became a Psychologist, then a Professor in a medical school and a researcher. I experienced a rich and rewarding professional life as a result of her insight, patient nudging, and constant encouragement.

As many of you know, Winafred also loved the solace of nature, finding time for retreat and renewal in her beloved mountains. She shared her home with many of us, letting us find the silence that would give us inner peace and harmony. Some of us, such as myself, emulated her love of nature by buying our own mountain retreats where we, too, could enjoy long walks and closer association with our animals. “They teach me so much,” she once said of her Salukis, who always accompanied her in her explorations through the woods.

Winafred also encouraged me to become a writer. She believed in my talent, my work, my possibility when others didn’t. She knew from her own experience as a writer how lonely and discouraging the work can be, but she insisted that I and others continue to write, to paint, to sing and find joy in the arts - and we have.

Winafred was never content with the ordinary. She was courageous, curious, and restless in her search for new ideas. Her influence as a therapist, mentor, and teacher will long be felt and remembered by the large numbers of us who carry her words, her optimism and energy into our daily lives. Thank you, Winafred, for showing us by example and instruction that we could be more than we imagined.

Marilyn Mehr, Ph.D.

New York, NY

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Dear Afton,

Kay Blake called to tell me about your mother's passing. I am so sorry to learn that you have lost her. She was such a strong figure that it is hard to think of her as gone from us all. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness in getting out the word to us across the country. I just looked at the website that Kay told me about. The photo of Winafred is lovely; she was a unique person and always much appreciated by the family. We always admired her lively spirit and her unconventionality - something much needed as a balance for our "straight and narrow" culture in the Midwest. When Winafred returned from Europe full of enthusiasm for hostels, she became particularly glamorous to my grandparents and Aunt Jayne in the 1930s. She convinced my Grandpa Shover that hostels were the wave of the future in travel and that, if we were ready, our Monticello, Iowa farm could become a popular stopping point for countless young people who would make their way across the United States. Grandpa picked one of his less-used barns a long distance from the main house and had a very large fireplace built in it for the travelers' evening social mixes. Should the idea catch on, in central Iowa there is still a big barn with a huge stone fireplace ready to handle any size crowd. I might add that, because our family always praised both Aunt Jayne Shover Dickey and Winafred as models for us girls, we always knew that women could be independent and powerful and have interesting lives with a lot of responsibility. And that was in the '50s!