Grief & Loss

At the bottom of the page, there are three attachments that are filled with excellent resources to help:

1) Grief & Loss PowerPoint- there is a video introduction, screen casts, print screens, useful information, and top websites for students, parents, and counselors.

2) Secondary Research Project- There are 20 websites for students, parents, and counselors that have a print screen and brief description for each site.

3) Research Excerpts File- Website links and brief descriptions of sites.

Below are helpful tips on how to cope with grief and loss as well as what do and what NOT to do when helping others. (helpguide.org, 2012)

Things you can do if you are grieving:

• • Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.

  • Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.

  • Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

  • Plan ahead for grief “triggers.” Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.

  • Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.

  • Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

  • Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.

  • Talk to a therapist or grief counselor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

    • (HelpGuide.org, 2012)

Things you can do to help if a friend is grieving:

• Acknowledge the situation. Example: "I heard that your_____ died." Use the word "died" That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.

• Express your concern. Example: "I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you."

• Be genuine in your communication and don't hide your feelings. Example: "I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."

• Offer your support. Example: "Tell me what I can do for you." or better yet, be specific, "Tell me things I can get from the grocery store for you.", or "What errands do you need to get down that I can do for you."

• Ask how he or she feels, and don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.

• Sit with him or her quietly and just be with him or her

Things NOT to do if a friend is grieving:

• "I know how you feel." One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.

• "It's part of God's plan." This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, "What plan? Nobody told me about any plan."

• "Look at what you have to be thankful for." They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.

• "He's in a better place now." The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.

• "This is behind you now; it's time to get on with your life." Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means "forgetting" their loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.

• Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will." These statements are too directive. Instead you could begin your comments with: "Have you thought about. . ." or "You might. . ."

• Ignore the situation, make sure you ask how the person is and allow him or her to talk about it.

• (HelpGuide.org, 2012)

Myths About Grief

(Living Healthy WorldWide.Com http://www.livinghealthyworldwide.com, 2009)

• MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it

  • FACT: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

• MYTH: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss

  • FACT: Feeling sad, frighened or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

• MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss

  • FACT: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it

• MYTH: Grief should last about a year

  • FACT: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it akes can differ from person to person.