Counselors
Welcome to the Counselor's Page for grief and loss. There are many helpful tips below in order to help others during grief and loss. You will find information for counselors on what to do and not to do. At the bottom you will find a chart with links to helpful counselor resources as well as an attachment of an example letter to send out to parents after a loss has happened within the school community.
Counselor's Duties for Grief & Loss
A guidance counselor is an excellent resource for students.
They provide a safe place for students to grieve
They will keep a student's conversation confidential
They provide support
They will listen and help students through the grieving process
They can link families about with outside resources such a therapist
They can provide students with resources about grief & loss
They can talk to teachers for students if they want them to understand why a child may be acting different in class
Below is a list that you can give to students who are grieving:
Face your feelings.
Talk to and spend time with family and friends
Express your feelings in a journal, drawing, painting, or sculpting.
Write a letter to your loved one and keep it somewhere special
Make a book celebrating the time and memories shared with your loved one
Make a box about your loved one with things in it that remind you of him or her
Listen to music or play an instrument
Exercise, play or sport, or join a club
Look after your physical health. Do not use drugs or alcohol.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either.
Plan ahead for grief “triggers." Be prepared for holidays, birthdays, holidays.
Draw comfort from your faith if you believe in a higher power
Join a support group through your school, church, or through a counseling center
Make a your own support group and help others experiencing similar feelings
Organize an event to raise money for a good cause, possibly the cause of your loved one's death
Talk to a therapist or grief counselor
Things NOT to do when trying to help:
Don’t start any sentence with “At least. . . .”
• “At least you didn’t have time to really love her.”
• “At least he’s in heaven now.”
• "At least you have two other children."
• "At least that's one less mouth you'll have to feed."
• "At least it didn't have to go through the pain of birth."
• "At least you've had a good life so far, before the cancer diagnosis."
Don’t attempt to minimize the other person’s pain.
• “Cancer isn’t really a problem.” (e.g., Shame on you for thinking that losing your hair/body part/health is a problem.)
• "It's okay, you can have other children."
Don’t try to explain what God is doing behind the scenes.
• “I guess God knew you weren’t ready to be parents yet.”
• "Now you'll find out who your friends are."
• "This baby must have just not been meant to be."
• "There must have been something wrong with the baby."
• "Just look ahead because God is pruning you for great works."
• "Cancer is really a blessing."
• "Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong."
Don’t blame the other person:
• “If you had more faith, your daughter would be healed.”
• “Remember that time you had a negative thought? That let the cancer in.”
• “You are not praying hard enough.”
• "Maybe God is punishing you. Have you done something sinful?"
• "Oh, you're not going to let this get you down, are you?" (Meaning: just go on without dealing with it.)
Don’t compare what the other person is going through to ANYTHING else or anyone else’s problem:
• "It's not as bad as that time I. . ."
• “My sister-in-law had a double mastectomy and you only lost one breast.”
Don’t use the word “should”:
• "You should be happy/grateful that God is refining you."
Don’t use clichés and platitudes:
• "Look on the bright side."
• “He’s in a better place.”
• “She’s an angel now.” (NO! People and angels are two different created kinds! People do not get turned into angels when they die.)
• “He’s with the Lord.”
Don’t instruct the person:
• “This is sent for your own good, and you need to embrace it to get all the benefit out of it.”
• “Remember that God is in control.”
• “Remember, all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 is powerful to comfort oneself, but it can feel like being bludgeoned when it comes from anyone else.)
(Bible.org, 2012)
School Response to Loss:
As a counselor, you will have to show leadership when a loss takes place within the school community. You should create a letter to be sent home to parents, with administrative approval (Example letter attached below). You need to make known to the students and staff that you will be available for anyone who needs to talk or be alone.
