Loss & Disappointment

Life is Filled with Little Setbacks

Things get broken, worn out and lost. It is good to have words handy to describe all three of these eventualities.

Broken is a highly teachable word. All children notice when something important gets broken. I have a toy table which has easily “breakable” legs. I deliberately teach the word broken while playing other games with this toy table.

Fix It and Can't Fix It

Fix it is an important concept. I often begin teaching this word at the same time as broken but it is just as important is to teach the concept Can’t Fix It. Make sure to teach these two ideas together.

There can be some serious meltdowns around Can’t Fix It if the un-fixable item is important to your child. Create situations where something that is not important to your child cannot be fixed. Practice these words many times. When you do have to use this phrase for items that matter to your child, the words will be very familiar!

Lost

I often show children a picture schedule of games that we will play. Sometimes intentionally - and more often unintentionally - I am unable to provide all the pieces of the expected toy.

"Great", I think. "Here is an opportunity to teach the words gone, lost, or missing". I know for certain that no child will die after missing the opportunity to play with a toy, but some of my young friends seem less sure. I also know that I will help these children through the loss and through future losses if I can teach them words that explain the situation (lost) and feeling evoked (mad). I know sometimes parents think I am crazy to bring up a bad situation after it has been forgotten, but I help kids remember bad things so they can learn to complain about bad things later. So, I recall bad events with a child several times in our future visits. Any loss worth crying (or scratching, or hitting) about is one worth recalling together, later. We could not find Thomas the Train. Remember. That made you mad!

I Don't Understand

Hmmmm... Learning words to describe confusion is also important and will help your child pursue knowledge.

I often model hmmmm to signal that I am thinking. I will tap my finger on my forehead. "I don’t know!" I then proclaim. Or, "I can’t remember!" Or, "What did you say? I did not understand." Every child needs to know how to tell others when he or she does not understand so set out to teach these words intentionally.