Manage Your Child's Need for Predictability In Order to Avoid Problem Behaviors
Children with ASD love predictability. They need more predictability than other children in order to understand the world around them. It is this intense need for predictability (knowing what will happen next) that causes many children with autism to develop problem behaviors. It is this intense need for predictability that causes children with autism to avoid some kinds of learning altogether. Parents who understand the need for predictability will be better able to avoid doing things that lead a child, almost inevitably, to develop problem behaviors. Likewise, parents can use a child's need for predictability to help that child learn new skills--even the skill of tolerating unpredictable situations.
A young child who does not have ASD is naturally engaged in studying the behavior of family and friends in order to understand social intent.
If Mama makes a loud sound, her child looks at Mama's face to see her intent. The child figures out that a happy face means the intent of that sound was to express happiness. A sad face means the intent was to express sadness. Eventually, the child associates the loud sound with happiness or sadness or whatever seemed to be Mama's intent when she made the sound.
Thus, if Mama utters the words Oh Wow! with a happy face then the child comes to understand this phrase as an expression of happiness.
BUT if Oh Wow! is uttered with an expression of dismay, then the child starts to understand that Oh Wow! means something is not right!
Even if Oh Wow! is uttered both ways, the child will sort it out and begin to understand that this utterance could be used for both emotional states.
Learning Social Intent is Hard for Children with Autism
The child with autism has much more trouble understanding social intent. A child may not understand the idea of social intent for quite sometime and so does not have the same clues for figuring out the social world as other children have. Language is harder to learn and much easier to misunderstand even after it is learned because word can mean different things depending upon the social intent of the speaker!
The child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) may ignore Oh Wow! altogether or may try to understand what the sound means in another way. For example, the child with ASD may try to understand the order of events, noting whatever happens before or after an interesting sound like Oh Wow! and trying to memorize the sequence. If Oh Wow! comes right after Mom hits her thumb with a hammer, the child with ASD may want to take that hammer and hit Mom's thumb again to test out a theory that maybe there is a sequential relationship between the hit and the sound. The child wants to see if Mom says Oh Wow! but not that this Oh Wow! indicates Mom was hurt. This child does not interpret Oh Wow! no matter how the words are uttered as Mom is in pain. Certainly, if mom did this three times in a row (okay, this is just an example and nobody would do that) then the child with ASD would really want to get the hammer and whack at Mom's thumb--but not because this child dislikes Mom, but because the child is oblivious to Mom's pain or confused by her emotional outburst and wants to figure out the relationship between Oh Wow! and hammers and mom--rather like a little scientist.
Well, nobody would do this, right? Except if the child with ASD happens to grab hold of baby brother and baby brother happens to cry. This could happen three times in a row and then the child with ASD is hooked on grabbing baby brother and yet again getting the predictable response of a loud cry. The child is a scientist, discovering a pattern, and trying to understand the pattern better. If parents also yell "Stop that! You are being a bad boy!" and this happens even a couple times, the child with ASD might start yelling "Stop that! You are being a bad boy!" as he grabs his baby brother. He is not being a bad boy because he does not understand any of the social aspects of this situation but he is being a scientist and trying to understand what is going on in the only way he knows.
You need to save your predictable, emotional, interesting responses for things you want your child to repeat. Do not provide predictable responses to behavior that you wish to reduce or eliminate. This is a very hard concept for most parents to believe - but if you watch what your child does, you will see that your child is often missing the social implications of situations while memorizing the sequence of those same situations.
Here is another example, and all of these examples are based on real children that I have known--I am not making them up. Suppose your child pulls a leaf off a house plant. You say, "No, that is a pretty plant, don't pull the leaves off." Even a stern voice, a loud angry voice, or a swat on the behind (not recommended but used to no avail reportedly by some parents) none of these things will discourage your child from repeating the behavior. I know this because when parents stop to think about whether any lecture or punishment has ever worked, most report that, no, these things do not work. In fact, these things were not punishment at all. The parent might just as well have said "Good Job! Do it again!" as my friend and colleague, Sheila Merzer always says. A predictable response is a reward, no matter how unpleasant.
This is so hard for many parents to believe that I will give another example, and again, this is an example told to me by not one but by many different parents. Suppose your child climbs up on the back of the couch and jumps off and you say "No, no, no! Don't climb up on that couch! That is dangerous!" your child is more likely to climb up on the back of the couch because you said this. Watch and you will see that your child is not watching you to see if you will say it again. If you do, then it is as exciting as when a scientist has a hypothesis and an experiment confirms his or her guess. This is a game and science all rolled up in one exciting leap off the couch. If you add a little time on a timeout chair, then the game has a new step. Your child climbs up, you yell, your child jumps, you put your child on the time out chair. This is getting better and better!
This page is dedicated to Sheila Merzer, Licensed Psychologist, who has taught this concept to literally thousands of parents and professionals over her long and productive career.