Rules for Computer

1. Choose when your child will use the computer intentionally and, just like television, sparingly. The computer has the potential to be wonderfully educational and the potential to be terribly harmful to your child’s social development. Here is a software program that can help you set limits and eliminate the arguments: Software Time

2. Use the computer as a social motivator rather than a break from social interaction. This means finding ways to interact with your child or help your child interact with others while using the computer and insisting that the computer be used as a social tool.

3. Don’t be in a hurry to teach your child to be independent on the computer. For example, don't hurry to teach him or her to use the mouse and instead retain control of the mouse as long as possible. Much more social interaction happens naturally if you have control of the mouse. From the beginning, take turns deciding what things will happen on the computer. Use strategies to encourage taking turns on the computer from the very beginning. You,as an adult, need to take your turn so that your child can learn to let you and then other playmates play on the computer--this will set your child up to be able to play with peers or siblings on the computer.

4. From the beginning, teach your child how to stop being on the computer without becoming emotionally upset. Don't ever let your child stay on the computer a little longer because he or she protested getting off. Use timers, the clock, or Duration Charts to let your child know how much time he or she will have on the computer. Use a written or picture schedule to let your child know what he or she will be doing after leaving the computer. If need be, put a large paper stop sign close to the computer and place it in front of the computer when it is time to stop playing and leave it on until it is okay for your child to get on the computer again.

5. Help your child use new knowledge or skills learned on the computer in other places and in social situations. For example, if your child if playing a computer Dora game where Dora is finding treasures and Swiper tries to steal treasures periodically, then make up a game where you find the same treasures with your child around the house. Don’t skip this step—take the time to figure out how to do this generalization step for every new computer game you introduce to your child, if possible. It is the tendency of children with ASD to learn in a fragmented way and not make the connections between things learned in one setting to things learned in another setting. The computer can become like an alternative world and thus the skills learned on the computer do not become useful in the real world. Be explicit about teaching the relationship between information learned in different places. Look, Daddy is playing like Swiper. Daddy, no Swiping! Daddy, no Swiping! Daddy, no Swiping!

6. Don’t let your child play games that increase aggressive behavior. This is as destructive as watching videos that increase aggressive behavior. Many families have to eventually give up (or put away for several years) an expensive game system that they may have purchased with loving intention, because the games on that system cause behavior problems. A child with ASD, by definition, has an uneven developmental profile, meaning the child is more mature in one area than in another. Many children with ASD are far less mature emotionally than intellectually and so use your judgment and not your child's age be your guide as to which computer activities are educational and appropriate.

7. Beware that your resolve to limit computer use may weaken if you are not careful! Yes, the computer can teach your child new skills. And yes, your child may really enjoy time on the computer... but I have watched many parents struggle with a child who is addicted to the computer as though it were a drug. I have seen children who are willing to do violence to get more time on the computer. I am a self-acknowledged wimp as a parent and let my kids walk all over me, but I will tell you in all humility that the computer is one of those places where you need to set limits and not give in to child demands. Uncontrolled use of the computer has a family destroying potential similar to letting your child watch too many videos, or letting your child demand that you buy things whenever you shop, or letting your child's demands convince you to make him or her something different for dinner. There are certain predictable child demands that, if you give in to them, can make your family life very difficult and do more harm than good for your child. Uncontrolled computer use is one of these. Even us wimps can hold the line on some things.

7b. The computer is a wonderful tool for us all, and many of us love our computer inordinately, but we all have to learn to use a computer moderately and wisely—including your child with ASD. It is easier to be proactive on this than make a change in family rules but if need be, put the computer away for a while and start over with new rules a few months later. The computer also has the potential to enrich your child's life now and for a lifetime if you help your child use the computer appropriately.

8. There are nearly endless creative ways that you can use a computer to help your child learn skills and information, to connect your child to others, to enjoy time with your child exploring common and new interests. Make some rules for using the computer and then enjoy this machine and all it can do for your child!

* My friend and colleague, Sheila Merzer licensed psychologist, while in my company, suggested most of these rules for computer at one time or another.