Silver Sisters Support - When You're Sad

When You Are Sad... or just feeling it (whatever it is).

I Missed You Today

I missed you today but that’s nothing new,

I missed you a million times yesterday too.

I picked up my phone to tell you the news,

then realized, again, I can’t text it to you.

I saw your bright smile, at least twenty times,

and then I remember, it’s all in my mind.

I drive without presence, the world feels surreal,

And on comes your song and this doesn’t seem real.

I missed you today but I miss you a lot,

It’s helpful to miss you, it’s all that I’ve got.

I wish I could pull you down here for a while

I’m frightened to lose the shape of your smile.

I miss you today and I’ll miss you tomorrow,

There seems to be no coming end to this sorrow.

I try to go on as I know that you care,

I know that you're willing me on from up there.

I miss you today but I’m trying to find,

A way to move on but not leave you behind.

A way to forge on with the love that we had,

A way to recall you and simply feel…glad.

~Donna Ashworth, From book ‘I Wish I Knew’

The Way You Cared

I miss the way you cared for me,

In quiet gestures only I could see.

The world would pass without a sound,

But in your arms, I felt unbound.

You made me feel like I was known,

A love so deep, it’s carved in stone.

Each word you spoke, each look you gave,

A quiet promise I felt so safe.

I miss the warmth, the gentle grace,

The way your hands would touch my face.

In every smile, in every glance,

You made my heart believe in chance.

Now days grow long, and nights feel cold,

But the love you gave, I still hold.

I carry it, though you’re not here,

In memories that feel so near.

And though I ache for your embrace,

I know in time, I’ll find my place.

But until then, I’ll dream of you,

And miss the love that once I knew.

~Ànn Marie

When I Can't Cry

Tears behind my eyes

They won't come out easily

I know they are there

But if I let them go

All their friends will join them

Spilling down my cheeks

Filling my soul with liquid sadness

I know they must come out

I wish that they weren't there

I wish I was stronger

Or could bear this pain with grace

But I am sad, so sad

Maybe I didn't cry enough before

Now it catches up to me

This flood of past pain

I want to do what is right

I want to do what is good

Both right and good point me away

From the one my tears are for

~ Teresa Barrington

Awake, O Sleeper

None of this feels real to me. It's like I'm dreaming and one day - one minute - I will awaken and all will be as it was. This dream is not so bad as it is sad. Do I ever want to wake up? Perhaps this is the eternal sleep - the forever dream and I shall never return to the land I once inhabited. I stand now at the threshold of a brave new world. Could it be that the dream was what I lived before and now is what it's like to be awake? I do not know. All I know is that this is different and I am different. Who am I?

~Teresa Barrington

Jesus

Order my steps.

Show me the way.

Open my eyes.

Illumine my mind.

Bring to me light.

Shower me with love.

For without You,

I cannot walk.

I cannot see.

All is dark.

You are for me

The Way

The Truth

The Life

~Teresa Barrington

I Will Never Leave You

When your sky is cold and lonely

And your heart is filled with fear

I will wrap my arms around you

Know that I am here.

And I will keep you safe and sound

Through the darkness that surrounds

I will never leave you

Nor forsake you

Know that I am with you

You will never be alone

When your way is bright and glowing

And your soul knows no despair

Can you hear me singing with you

In your triumph I will share

For I am watching over you

And I rejoice in all you do

So remember, never doubt this

Hold it tightly to your heart

I’m forever always with you

I will be right where you are

I will never leave you

Nor forsake you

Know that I am with you

You will never be alone

(Lyrics from Hidden in My Heart)

I Knew A Man

I knew a man who walked with me and talked with me. He listened to me and cared for me. He saw me and loved me. I knew a man who helped anyone in need, lending a hand, answering a question, fixing a problem. I knew a man who saw value in children - playing with them, listening to them, getting on the floor with them. I knew a man who prayed to Jesus, saw visions and dreamed dreams. I knew a man who did not know his own worth, his great impact, or how empty the world would be without him in it. I knew a man who was just like Jesus, and who now is with Jesus.

~Teresa Barrington

Grief & Joy Touch

She clutches grief

in one hand,

joy in the other.

She’s been told

to keep them apart,

but she wonders

what would happen

if they touch?

So she folds

her palms together,

just for a second,

and when she opens

them, she’s holding

a masterpiece.

~mw

The Window

Your body is away from me
but there is a window open
from my heart to yours.

From this window, like the moon
I keep sending news secretly.

~Rumi

I Will

As long as I can I will look at this world for the both of us.
As long as I can I will sing with the birds,
I will laugh with the flowers,
I will pray to the stars for both of us.

~ Author Unknown

For Grief

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

~John O'Donohue

My Own Notion of Grief

I had my own notion of grief,

I thought it was a sad time

That followed the death of someone you loev.

and you had to push through it

To get to the other side

But I'm learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.

Adjustment.

Acceptance.

And grief is not something you complete.

But rather you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself -

An alteration of your being,

A new way of seeing,

A new definition of self.

~Unknown Author

Grief Makes a Promise

I feel like I’m going crazy.

[Grief speaks] Come sit down, let’s talk.

Not you! Leave me alone. You have moved into my life and you won’t leave. Everywhere I look there you are, staring me in the face, filling my life with pain.

[Grief responds] I know. But just hear me out, OK?

I’m tired of listening to you. Tired of feeling so many things: Confused, sad, hopeless, angry, anxious, guilty, helpless, Isolated, empty, alone, exhausted, lost, fearful.

[Grief, firmly] You’re supposed to have feelings. You’re human.

Look, you don’t understand. Someone I care for very much has died and it hurts- It hurts so bad I can’t stand it. Sometimes I don’t even want to be here.

[Grief, comforting] I hear you. But if you never loved, you’d never grieve. What you feel is normal.

No, it’s not. Everyone says I’m—well—- they say that I’m grieving too much. They’re worried about me. They say that it’s time to move on. They say to me: “It’s time to put closure on this.” “It’s time to heal, accept, recover, get over it.”

[Grief, softly] And you can’t.

Well, no. Not like they want me to. I can’t put closure on my love. My love did not die. I can’t wake up one day and suddenly exclaim, “I’m healed.” I’ll never completely heal. I certainly will not “accept” or “recover” from this death. And I will never “get over” it as if this is a problem that can be fixed.

[Grief whispers] You don’t have to.

What do you mean?

[Grief takes a seat] Everyone grieves differently. And you grieve however you’re going to grieve. You had a unique relationship with your loved one-a relationship that no one can ever understand.

So, what am I supposed to do?

[Grief, moving closer] Five things. First, grieve: feel your grief. That’s why I’m in your life. So you can begin to feel again. Even though you don’t like what you feel. Second, talk it out with people who are willing to listen and not judge. Find a way to get all those bottled up feelings out so they don’t go round and round with no place to go. Find those people who will listen. They’re out there. Do it. Third, realize that everyone grieves differently. Respect this. Fourth, live. Even though at times you don’t feel like putting one foot in front of the other. Your job is to live your life, despite all the changes you’ve gone through, despite all the pain. And fifth, talk about your loved one. Say his name or her name. Tell your loved one’s life story. This person lived a life. Find people who will listen to the stories and who will in turn tell you their stories of your loved one. Your love for this person will never go away. You will always carry it in your heart.

[Grief offering a handshake] And finally, I make you a promise.

[Shaking hands] You? Grief is making me a promise?

Yes, my promise to you is: As terrible as you feel now, you will not feel this way forever. There will be times that you will laugh. Times where your confusion, your sadness, hopelessness, your anger, anxiety, guilt, helplessness, your isolation, emptiness, loneliness, exhaustion, and fear will not feel so intense. Don’t get me wrong. You will never forget your loved one. And feeling less grief does not mean that you are forgetting this person.

Now, I want you to say your loved one’s name. Go ahead, say it. It’s a precious name. Take the memories. Put them in your heart. Feel them there. And know that your loved one will always safely be in your heart. Always. I promise.

~Bob Baugher, Ph.D.

Published by Koven, M. & Pearl, L. (2004). In their book: Mourning Has Broken: A Collection of Creative Writings about Grief & Healing

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