In the first few years with Mike, I called him “Mr. Incredible.” I remember wondering, “Is there anything this man can’t do? Is there anywhere he has not been? Is there anything about me that he does not see?” If I licked my lips, he was handing me a glass of water. He brought me tea in the morning, sent me romantic songs during the day, and spoke beautiful prayers at night. Anything I asked for – and some things I didn’t – he got it done before I knew it. And he was like that not just with me, but with everyone. He was willing to help anyone at any time with anything. He even outshone me as the playmate extraordinaire for children – cheerfully playing with them, walking with them, or pushing their swing when no other adult would. He was kind and funny and so easy to live with. We made a good team – him consistently being Mr. Incredible and me trying to be emotionally flexible like Elasti-girl. Even though our marriage wasn’t always perfect, it was consistently awesome, especially the first four years. So that’s how he lived.

Why did he choose to die before the fullness of days God had given him? Of all the difficult things he was dealing with – financial issues, chronic pain, loss of community, exhaustion, depression – none of those were severe enough to cause self-destruction. The main influencing factor that made all the other factors loom over him was alcohol. That substance is a socially acceptable drug that, as a depressant, makes depression worse. Yes, it numbs pain, but it will take from you everything you love and take you away from everyone who loves you.

On a Monday morning late in February of 2024, Mike decided he couldn’t handle living. One bullet and he was gone. I’m not angry with him or judging him - I witnessed his suffering and understood his struggles. I just wish he had chosen differently. He had so much more life to live and love to give.  I miss him more than words can express.

Where is Mike now? I’ll tell you. On the second day after he left, as my friend was singing the song, “Holy Forever” to comfort me, I saw two flash visions of Mike. In the first flash, he was wearing regular clothes and was bowed down over his knees. The feeling I got was that of repentance – recognizing the harmful choices he made and submitting himself to God’s ways. In the next flash, he was standing tall, dressed in white with his arms out wide. The feeling from him was “I never knew how much God loved me. I never knew how beautiful it was.” He was in awe. So, Mike is alive, forgiven and free of his heavy burdens, but he missed out on the beautiful future God had planned for him here with me.

I could say more, but I’m going to leave this sacred space with a deep sense of gratitude for Mike being in my life for six years. Let’s all look to a brighter future as we love each other more than ever before. Life is short – sometimes too short. 

Submitted by Teresa Barrington