Trans 102 - Pronouns

People in LGBT+ circles - and increasingly outside of them! - often talk about what their pronouns are. (That is to say, when you’re talking about person A, should you say ‘Person A loves his dog’, ‘Person A loves their dog’, ‘Person A loves her dog’, or use a neopronoun like ‘Person A loves xyr dog’).

Pronouns are, to be completely honest, absolutely gorge. They’re likely more relevant to you than their exact gender identity or life history, because you’re more likely to refer to them in conversations than you are to ghostwrite their autobiography.​

At the same time, someone’s pronouns don’t always correlate all that precisely to gender identity - for example, Queer Eye superstar Jonathan van Ness is non-binary, but uses he/him pronouns. 

Some things you can do:

If you’re unsure of someone’s gender or pronouns, it’s a good idea to use the neutral pronouns ‘they/them/their’ for them. Another good option is to simply ask what someone’s pronouns are. However, make sure you’re not putting someone on the spot (in for example a group or in an environment that could be a bit hostile).

If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns or gendered words for someone, apologise, move on, and basically - don’t make it about yourself. Think of apologising for misgendering as apologising for spilt milk. If you spend more time crying about the milk than cleaning it up, the mess just gets worse. 

Index