Why we shouldn't deny children's fears
When I was a child, I was 7 or 8 years old, I got stuck in the elevator. I used to live in a big building with many floors and the elevator has always been an object of fear for me.
That day I got stuck in the elevator with my grandma. The elevator went up in between two floors, and, when I got out, I could see the down part of the elevator, very dark and weird. We got out in about 30 minutes safely. Not big deal, right?
My mom was very dismissive, I still remember it. When I saw her, I wanted to tell her that I was very scared. For some reason, I guess she was upset for something else, and she dismissed me with "It is not a big deal, don't think about it anymore. Let's have dinner now".
I remember the feeling of not been "heard and listened". I know she didn't do it in purpose, but I still remember the fact she didn't let me explain the fact, my fear. The elevator was very scary for me and I still feel fearful of that while I am writing now.
Anytime a child feels bad, upset, or feels there is a problem, it is our responsibility as adults to listen. Children need to "let it out", as we, adults do, and they need help with that. They don't know how to do it, though. Teachers and parents need to explain them that emotions are temporary feelings, they will go away, but they also need to deal with them. Let's make our children tell us their stories, let's listen to them!
Paying attention to feelings it is important to learn how to deal with them. We should never dismiss a child with "it's not a problem, let's do something else" or "Don't worry now, go play or go watch TV". This is not a helpful and healthy way to deal with emotions.
When my son gets out of control, upset, unreasonable, I ask him "What are you afraid of?" This helps a lot! I give him the possibility to let it out! Sometimes kids can become out of control when they can't express their feelings. Asking direct questions such as "What upsets you?" is a very easy and effective way to help them.
Do you want to know more? Please leave a comment in the section below and/or share your experience.
by Agnese 12/30/2020