Topic of the Month

This year I read the book, “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt, that was both insightful and informative. I want to share the valuable insights and practical takeaways from the book.  Some of the information below is direct quotes from the book.  

In his book, Mr. Haidt discusses the relationship between smartphones and social media and childhood mental health. In his book, he describes two distinct crises we are facing as a result - digital under-parenting (giving kids unlimited and unsupervised access to devices and social media) and real-world over-parenting (protecting kids from every possible harm in the real world). The result is young people who are suffering from addiction-like behaviors and poor mental health.  

Mr. Haidt provides a handful of recommendations to parents:  

1. No smartphones before high school.  Parents should delay 24/7 access to the internet before 9th grade.  He recommends giving only a basic phone with no internet browser to children not in high school.  This phone should be monitored daily by the parents themselves in addition to having parental controls installed.

2. No social media before age 16.  Let kids get through the most vulnerable period of brain development without constant review from others.

3. Phone-free schools.  I love that we do this in our schools already! 

4. Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.  This is the way children naturally develop social skills, overcome anxiety, and develop self-governing skills.  Well intended parents who try to raise their children in a bubble of satisfaction, protected from frustration, consequences, and negative emotions, may be harming their children. They may be blocking the development of competence, self-control, frustration tolerance, and emotional self-management. Several studies find that such helicopter parenting is correlated with later anxiety disorders and low self-efficacy. It is best if children and young adolescents get a lot of experience by doing things together or with adults in their real world community, rather than alone watching video games, playing mobile games, or reading posts from people online.  He recommends:

a. Practice letting your kids out of your sight without having a way to reach you. For example, going to the store to get food.  Reference the LetGrow.org program.

b. Encourage sleepovers and don’t micromanage them.  If a friend brings a phone, hold on to it until they leave.  

c. Encourage walking to school in a group.  If the school is too far to walk or ride a bicycle, consider “drive to five” and drop the kids off with other kids at a spot that is five minutes away from school. 

d. After school is for free play.  Try not to fill up most afternoons with adult-supervised “enrichment” activities.  Join a play club or going to each other’s homes after school. Friday is a particularly good day for free play because child can then make plans to meet up over the weekend.

e. Go Camping. At campgrounds, kids are usually way more free range than at home.  

f. Find a sleepaway camp with no devices.  Avoid camps that are essentially summer school with academic work and internet access or camps that do not provide children with communal responsibilities. 

g. Form child friendly neighborhoods and play areas.

Screen Time Recommendations for kids 6 to 13 years old – 

1. As a general rule no more than two hours per day is recommended for screen based recreational activities.  For younger children the content should be educational and should be used in common areas. 

2. Learn how to use parental controls and content filters on all digital devices in your home. You want your children to become self-governing and self-controlled with no parental controls and monitoring by the time they reach age 18.  Do not count on these to work all time.  You should also be checking the devices for accurate filtering and monitoring.  As a counselor, I have heard countless stories of parental controls not working or older children figuring out how to get around them. 

3. Focus more on maximizing in person activity and sleep rather than on the total screen hours. The main harm done by most screen activities is the opportunity cost, which directly drives two foundational harms -social deprivation and sleep deprivation. If your children are spending a lot of time in person with friends, such as on sports teams or in unstructured play, and if they are getting plenty of sleep, and if they show no signs of addiction or problematic use on any devices, then you may be able to loosen up on the time limit. For example, playing video games with a friend in person and in moderation is better than playing alone in one's room. 

4. Shared meals should be phone free. Having a regular family movie night would be good.

5. Delay the opening of social media accounts until age 16. This doesn't mean they can never see any content from these sites, as long as they get to a web browser they'll get to the platforms. But there's a difference between viewing tick tock videos on a browser and opening an account on TikTok. Opening an account is a major step in which adolescents provide personal data to the platform, but themselves into the stream from the content designed to engage, begin to post themselves.

6. Talk with your preteen about the risks and listen to their thoughts.

Recommendations for teens 13 to 18 years old - 

1.  Increase their mobility. Encourage them to get their driver's license as soon as they are eligible.

2.  Relying more on your teen at home. Teams can cook clean and run errands.

3.  Encourage your team to find a part time job.

4.  Find ways for the to nurture and lead. Any job that requires caring for younger children and guiding, such as a babysitter camp counselor or coach.

5.  Consider a high school exchange program.

6.  Bigger thrills in nature. Let your teens go on bigger longer adventures with their friends or a group like backpacking rock climbing canoeing or hiking. Consider programs that run a month or longer with organizations such as outward bound and national outdoor leadership school.

7.  Take a gap year after high school.