It is Never OK to Give Up

Post date: Apr 4, 2016 5:02:23 PM

I was giving myself permission to give up on a child. I had the sound bites going off in my head: “You can’t save them all,” “He is taking up too much time and I can’t help him,” “He has no social skills.”

I had myself convinced.

It all started in the morning during PE, students were playing basketball and a game of knockout got out of hand, resulting in punches being thrown. The student in question, I will call him “T”, was going to end up in suspension. He felt like we were not being “fair.” He believed there were racial motives to his suspension. He didn’t hold himself responsible at all. I put him in ISS, which really made him angry!

He made himself clear: he wanted to be thrown out of school. He wanted me to send him home. He was not going to sit in ISS and he was not going to do any work. He stormed and puffed up, threatened to walk out of school and walk home. He kicked a chair. Now he was really ticking me off -- I had emails to respond to and work to do.

My wonderful assistant principal spent more time investigating the “crime”. She interviewed witnesses, and  even drew a diagram of the basketball court, to get the full story and make sure that “T” had been heard. By the end of the second investigation the facts remained. “T” had hurt another student. I had myself convinced I had done what I could, he was just the kid that couldn’t be saved. He is homeless, his mother is difficult to get in touch with, he fights first and asks questions later, and he is rude and disrespectful to all of the adults in his life. Last week he threatened his teacher. Yeah, I was done.

He finally agreed to just sit in ISS but not do his work. I had written him off, so that worked for me. As I walked by him he mumbled something about a book I had been reading to his class. The book is Crossover, by Kwame Alexander.  For about a month, I had been going into T’s fifth grade class and reading aloud to them for about 15 minutes. It is a great novel about twin brothers who love basketball. It is written in verse. I had no idea he had even listened to me when I was reading.

I asked him to repeat what he had said, and in a very hostile voice he said “If I am in ISS I will miss the last chapter of Crossover, and everyone else in my class will know what happened!”

That moment was one of the most humbling in my thirty-one years of education.  In that moment, “T” was no longer the “bully” who was going to end up in prison, but a young boy who wanted to know what happened in the last chapter of a book! A book that I had been reading. What right did I have to give up on him?

I quickly regrouped and made him a deal: if he finished his work he could come to the class with me while I read. Everything changed in that moment. We did math together and he shared that he wants to be in advanced math. We talked about the book Crossover and what he thought was going to happen. He finished his work in record time and went to the class with me. He was polite and respectful and, dare I say… grateful.

So, clearly, I needed a plan to try to help this child. His issues are substantial. I needed help, but I didn’t need to give up! I needed to call in resources, so I contacted my friend Rashard Wright,

Chief of Schools in Virginia Beach. I had the good fortune of working with Mr. Wright and hearing him speak on a similar subject. I shared the story with him, and asked for some help. He arrived on my school stoop the next morning. He spent some time with “T” and is officially mentoring him.

What a teachable moment for me! First of all, it is one thing to place the saying “Every child, every day” on my signature line, it is quite another to actually live it. Second of all, the little things that we do, like reading a book to a class DO make a difference, we just might not always know it. Additionally, just because you are the principal doesn’t mean you have all the answers! Call in reinforcements and use your resources. Finally, if you ever start hearing a voice in your head telling you it is ok to give up on a child and that you have more pressing issues to tend to -- stand back, reflect, and regroup, because it is never ok.