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As we send our healing energy to all of those involved in the tragic events that have unfolded within our community and across the country, it is certain that there are those within our own PCS family that have also been negatively impacted. Whether your family has been directly or indirectly affected, your child may have questions. Making space for conversation, keeping responses developmentally appropriate while also validating your child’s feelings, and reassuring your child that the adults in his/her life will always do what they can to protect and care for him/her are all important social emotional strategies in letting your child know that he/she is being seen and heard.
What do I say to my kids?
Strategies and Resources to Help Your Child Process Emotions
Strategies and Resources to Help Your Child Process Emotions
Talk to your children. Our initial instinct is sometimes to avoid the topic and not discuss what happened so as to not scare them. But children often hear things, see things in the media and it adds to their anxiety. Avoiding potentially scary topics can make them scarier to children.
What are their concerns? Before we can offer reassurance or help them with what's bothering them, we have to understand what their actual concerns are. While you can’t promise that their school will never have a shooting, you can in good faith tell them that school shootings are actually rare and remind them that they practice drills at school to keep them safe. The adults are well trained and their job is to follow directions from the adults.
Get involved. Making cards, attending a vigil, participating in political activism or efforts to support mental health and wellness in your community can make you feel like you are making a difference. That sense of control and community can often heal kids in many ways.
Follow up: In the days and weeks that follow a tragedy, parents should talk to their children about how to cope when they feel concerned or anxious. If you have concerns about how your child is coping please reach out to the counselors for support.
How Do I know if my child isn't processing trauma effectively?
It's important to remember that trauma is a spectrum and it's very specific to age and the child's natural resilience and previous trauma experiences. One child may be traumatized by something while another is able to be more resilient with the same experience. A child who has experienced a trauma in the past may be activated by another one. Our bodies remember trauma and we are changed by them. With counseling, healing, love and support we can heal but may always have a scar.
Imagine when your child falls and hurts their leg while riding their bike. At the moment…emotionally, they are scared, angry, frustrated, etc.. Physically, they are in pain, heart racing, crying etc.. The first thing you do is take care of the pain for them. The next is to hug them, calm them down, etc.. Sometimes we end it there. But with trauma we may find that some children are scared to ride a bike again, others hop right back on. Regardless of how the child reacts in the aftermath, the scar on their leg is always there. They are okay, but changed, even if just a bit, forever.
SO what do we do with the ones who won't ride their bike anymore? We work with them to get back on the bike by helping them with coping strategies when their body takes them back to the moment they were scared and hurt. We support them on the bike until they are comfortable to ride without us. We are patient and loving. Eventually, they will ride again.
Some trauma signs to look out for are…
Nightmares, intrusive thoughts about, and/or re-experiencing
Behavior changes to avoid re-experiencing a similar event (for example a child afraid to go back to school).
Experiencing fear and/or anxiety by something that triggers thoughts of the event (for example a loud noise, fireworks, sirens, etc.).
Sleep disturbances, mood changes, and/or other psychosocial changes.
Resources:
Books to read after a tragedy- by age
https://www.savethechildren.org/us/charity-stories/how-to-talk-to-children-about-school-shootings
Info on how to talk to children about school shootings:
--https://www.savethechildren.org/us/charity-stories/how-to-talk-to-children-about-school-shootings
Going back to school after a school shooting
https://childmind.org/article/going-back-school-tragedy/
https://www.mocharterschools.org/apps/news/show_news.jsp?REC_ID=815566&id=0
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