Parents Beyond Breakup (PBB) is a national, peer-based suicide prevention charity for separated parents. We keep dads and mums alive and in their kids’ lives by providing hope, support and a voice, with children’s needs at the centre.

We do this through:

• Dads in Distress (DIDs)

• Mums in Distress (MIDs)

• Grandparents in Distress (GIDs)

• Veterans in Distress (VIDs)

• A national helpline, online support and local peer groups

We’re not a generic parenting service and we don’t take sides in politics, religion, ideology or gender debates. We’re here for parents at real risk, and for their kids who need both parents in their lives.

Our vision: all children enjoy the best possible relationship with their mum and their dad.

Our mission: keep separated parents alive and in their kids’ lives by providing:

• Hope – realistic awareness, a sense of future, social connection

• Support – a growing network of peer groups and helpline options

• Voice – lived experience and research shaping how services respond

Our values guide what we do and don’t do:

• One big family – family‑centric, client‑focused, child‑aware, warm, peer‑to‑peer

• Sleep well at night – accountable, ethical, respectful, caring, egalitarian

• Open heart and mind – determined, inclusive, sensitive, urgent, humble, emotionally intelligent

• If not us, then who? – we grow leaders, value talent and communication

• Rock solid – dependable, trustworthy, expert, team‑oriented, disciplined

• Do more with less – pragmatic, resourceful, frugal, proactive, focused

If something doesn’t align with our vision, mission and values, we don’t do it.

Our primary focus is separating parents who:

• Are biological, adoptive or step parents

• Are struggling to maintain or regain contact with their kids

• Often have little or no time with their children

• Are struggling to cope, sometimes with suicidal thoughts

• Are finding it hard to co‑parent or function post separation

We support mums and dads without discrimination. In practice:

• Mums generally have more services available and often arrive with other supports in place

• Many dads say DIDs is the only service they could find

Separating men are overrepresented in suicide statistics, so growth is usually directed where need is greatest – often dads. If a mum or dad fits the criteria above, we’re here for them. We’re not aimed at parents with stable, harmonious majority care and no significant distress.

The family separation space is full of activist groups focused on law, policy and gender politics. That’s not our lane.

PBB is a national charity with no political, religious or ideological affiliations. We must be, and be seen as, an independent, non‑judgemental support service and a credible expert in parental separation. When people drift into activism under our banner, it damages the reputation that lets us stay in the rooms that matter.

Our job is to:

• Provide direct, practical support to mums and dads at risk

• Use lived experience and research to inform services and systems

• Stay neutral so we can keep helping the people who need us most

If someone wants activism or law reform, there are plenty of other groups. We stay focused on support and suicide prevention.

PBB is the overall charity. DIDs, MIDs, GIDs and VIDs are the frontline programs people recognise. Every name and tagline is deliberate.

We operate as a social franchise:

• One brand, consistent standards, quality and approach

• Carefully developed names and positioning

• A neutral identity built over decades

Unapproved branding, new services that don’t fit, or ad‑hoc descriptions waste resources and can damage trust. We stick to the agreed language and structure.

On Father’s Day 1999, Tony Miller, feeling suicidal during his own separation, placed a small ad in the local newspaper, and sat on the veranda of the Coffs Harbour community centre waiting for other dads to join him. They did. Word spread, local radio picked it up, and informal groups formed around the country – dads helping dads.

Within a few years there were 20–30 groups, a head office in Coffs Harbour and Tony effectively acting as CEO. Co‑founder Alan Valja became national volunteer manager, travelling on a shoestring to set up groups and answer calls. Funding later arrived via the Department of Social Services, and the structure evolved into a national charity.

Mums began turning up to DIDs groups, which eventually led to dedicated MIDs groups where numbers allowed. Online groups then made regular support more accessible for mums across Australia. As activity expanded beyond New South Wales and included more mums, the organisation moved to a national company with charitable status and, in 2016, rebranded as Parents Beyond Breakup.

The heart of our work is suicide prevention for separated parents who can’t see their kids. Tony’s experience was the original driver.

Over time, the focus drifted towards broader “support for separating parents”. The 2016 rebrand deliberately pulled us back to:

• Primary cause: suicide prevention

• Primary demographic: separating parents

• Primary methods: peer support groups and helpline

One of our strengths has been continuity. Co‑founder Alan Valja stayed involved for more than two decades, from the first veranda meeting through years on the phones and in leadership, before retiring from the helpline in 2023. His mix of lived experience, straight talk and deep empathy helped shape our culture.

Parent‑focused, child‑centred
We focus on mums and dads, but our real concern is the health, safety and wellbeing of the whole family. We:

• Encourage safe contact with children

• Reinforce emotional and financial support where possible

• Keep kids’ interests front and centre so parents act more thoughtfully

Responsibility over blame
We steer parents away from fixating on the other parent, “the system” or society. There may be real injustices, but constant blame harms children and keeps people stuck. We encourage parents to:

• Own their part

• Focus on what they can control

• Avoid trying to vindicate themselves by attacking the other parent

Be the cause of your future
We help parents move from being defined by their past to actively shaping what comes next. Through peer support, they learn to:

• Cope with limited or no contact

• Navigate loneliness, discouragement and depression

• Adjust to parenting from a distance

• Work more effectively with systems and services

We provide hope and collaborate
Our groups are not pity parties. We acknowledge grief, then look to the future, remind parents that contact often returns and relationships can improve, and offer lived proof that life can be rebuilt.

We also recognise we’re one service in a wider system. We help parents identify their needs, link them early to other services, support them while they wait, and work in networks to keep referral pathways as smooth as possible.

Over roughly three months of group involvement, parents typically learn to:

• Express feelings about separation or breakdown

• Feel more trusting and supported

• Develop peer leadership skills

• Focus more on the future than the past

• Practise respect toward the other parent

• Improve their relationship with their children where contact is possible

The logic is straightforward: in a safe, understanding environment, self‑concept shifts and behaviour follows.

Our groups blend psychotherapeutic and psychoeducational elements in a structured, peer‑led format. They bring together people with similar lived experience, provide support and education, and use discussion and shared stories as the main tools. Participants learn practical coping strategies from each other. If someone’s needs lie beyond the group, we support referrals elsewhere.

Facilitators are volunteers and leaders. With group managers and community development, they coordinate and run groups, hold the space for self-control, growth and change, and use a person‑centred approach grounded in:

• Empathy – “I get you; I’ve been somewhere similar”

• Unconditional positive regard – acceptance of the person even when behaviour needs work

• Congruence – being genuine, not playing a role

For this to work, our helpline, groups and mentoring must feel safe enough for people to:

• Drop victim or angry roles and speak more directly

• Move from closed and defensive to more open and realistic

• Tune into their own emotional and physical signs

• Shift from obsessing over lawyers, courts and the other parent to focusing on what they can control

• Move from mistrust and fear towards connection

Volunteers stay non‑directive. Parents bring what matters to them. The focus is on here‑and‑now experience and growth.

We use the Integrated Motivational Volitional (IMV) model of suicidal behaviour (Professor Rory O’Connor) to explain where we work. It describes three stages:

1. Pre‑motivational – diathesis (health, resilience, psychological make‑up), environment (law, culture, education, ideology) and life events (bereavement, homelessness, financial crisis, legal issues, divorce, loss of contact with kids). Most large organisations work here.

2. Motivational – the downward spiral: feeling defeated and humiliated, then trapped, then experiencing suicidal thoughts as the only option. Almost nobody works squarely in this stage for separating parents. This is where PBB sits.

3. Volitional – suicidal thoughts turn into suicidal behaviour or attempts. Crisis services such as Lifeline step in here.

Australia largely focuses on early prevention (stage one) and crisis (stage three). The middle, where people aren’t coping but haven’t yet hit full crisis, is thinly serviced. That’s our lane.

We work with separated parents in the motivational stage who feel defeated, humiliated and trapped, and may be thinking about ending their life. They often feel completely misunderstood and alone.

We don’t “fix” them. We:

• Offer a peer network that understands their situation

• Reduce isolation by connecting them with others further along the path

• Share practical options, insights and hard‑won wisdom

This interrupts the downward spiral and helps people avoid crisis. We’re not a law reform outfit and we’re not a crisis line. We’re the safety net in between.

In a 2017 survey of 400 parents:

• Over half of new parents coming to PBB felt suicidal or were thinking about taking their life

• By their third interaction with PBB, that dropped to under 1%

The reasons aren’t mysterious:

• We’re peers, not distant professionals

• We listen actively and without judgement

• We share approaches that come from lived experience

• Sometimes just being in a room or online group where others “get it” is enough to start shifting someone’s outlook

Much of the impact is invisible (the crisis that never happens) but it’s real. There are plenty of players in activism, mental health promotion and crisis work. Very few sit where we do. If we water down that focus, people slip through the gap. If we protect it, more kids get to keep both their parents alive and present.

PBB gives you training, support and resources. You've just finished the first training module now. 

There's role-specific and foundation training, plus on-the-job training with other volunteers in groups, on the helpline, Drop-in Training Calls, or our Monthly RockPool meetings.

RockPool brings everyone together - Board Members, Facilitators, Helpline Operators, Mentors, Support team and HQ team - to check in, connect, debrief and share experiences, questions and ideas.

You'll also get invited to our annual National Volunteer Team in-person gathering for more training, licensing, connection and that real sense of community we all share when we have this in common.

‘Blink’ is our virtual office. You'll have access to national, regional and role-based groups, training, chat - upload your photo in your profile so we recognise each other, and keep an eye on notifications, announcements and invites.

We ask for a minimum 12-month commitment from volunteers. Some forget and stick around for years. Decades, even. There's real reward in turning your lived experience - sometimes your pain - into purpose.

And thank you. Seriously. For putting your hand up and stepping forward. Everyone, no matter the role, helps keep mums and dads alive and in their kids' lives. We value you being part of the team.

Welcome to PBB.