Sometimes a group attendee may leave a group or mentoring conversation all of a sudden, or hang up on a call.

Sometimes they might appear very distressed during the group checkouts, or wrapping up a mentoring or helpline conversation.

Our role as peers is not to fix or rescue them. It is about meeting them where they are at though. 

And sometimes, where they are at, is deeper or darker than we are willing or able to go to at the time. 

That’s why we work as a team, like a relay team.

Arousal, high cortisol levels, hypervigilance and high emotions. 

Avoidance, avoiding recurring thoughts, avoiding social contact and avoiding feelings. 

Abandoning, abandoning responsibilities, beliefs and hope. 

Absent, absent-mindedness, absent capacity and absent energy.

First option is always to empower an attendee to help themselves first:

“We encourage parents to take responsibility for their actions or inaction.”

“Be the cause of their future and not the result of their past.”

Sometimes though, they are so distressed they don’t want to, or can’t see how to help themselves first - we all know what this was like.

Encouraging an attendee, mentee or caller to engage with others on the Virtual Verandah is a great first step to stay connected, and build their own relay team.

If in a group, encouraging the attendee to stay connected with other attendees in the days after the meeting, can make a difference.

Next options:

Facilitators and Mentors - you can request that Helpline to give them a call if you are concerned. Email helpline@parentsbeyondbreakup.com or call on 1300853437. Helpline will need some context, and the person's details to be able to call them back - these will be confidential between yourself and Helpline. Also note in your debrief that you have requested a Helpline call-back (but remember we do not post any confidential details in debrief).

If in a group, engaging other members of the group to also check-in with the attendee (like a relay team) in the days after the meeting, can make a big difference.

Helpline Operators - try calling them back first. Remember you can register a follow-up at the end of your call - that will notify the Helpline email group. Speak with or debrief with another Senior Helpline Operator, or Helpline Manager.

You act as the Relay Team member, not the Rescue team. 

Stay with them, get them connected with someone trained and able to take the relay baton and take up the support role from there.

If it’s Life threatening - act straight away. Call emergency services on 000. 

If you are unsure, or need a second opinion:

Contact your State Manager, (or Operations Manager, Training Manager, Helpline Manager or CEO)

If they need longer. or extended immediate care:

Call our PBB Helpline on 1300853437 (during operating hours)

Call Lifeline on 131114 (attendee needs to speak with LifeLine, they will not take third party calls). 

Call Suicide Callback Service on 1300659467 (attendee needs to speak with Suicide Callback, they will not take third party calls).

Debriefing is for you to offload and integrate what happened, so you don’t carry it with you.

Facilitators and Mentors:

• Meeting facilitators and Mentors should take time to reflect on how they themselves are feeling

• Post a ‘debrief’ in the Telegram Debrief Room

• Be honest about how you are feeling. If you're feeling burned out or otherwise affected by the stories, reach out for assistance through your debrief or via helpline on 1300 853 437.

Facilitators and Mentors (confidential) written Debrief Template:

📅  MEETING: 

👱‍♂️ ATTENDANCE: 

🚁 OVERVIEW:

🛠️ IMPROVE: 

🧡 I'M FEELING: 

Facilitators, Mentors and Helpline Operators:

• Sometimes you just need to talk it out, to let it go

• Carrying the weight of someone else's distress is not good for your wellbeing

• Call your Manager or (or Helpline) straight away - let them know you need to check-in or debrief

• Consider:

  • What happened?

  • What worked?

  • What didn't work well?

  • How are you feeling about that?

  • What did you/we learn?

  • What (if anything) could you/we improve next time?

Connection in our groups, mentoring and helpline conversations - reduces isolation.

Lived-experience we bring as peers, our lessons learned - increases hope.